Post # 1
This is probably a stupid question, but, I’ve never done this before 🙂
My fiance’s mother and aunt and cousin are planning a shower for me in February. I am honestly just really shocked at their generosity– I am probably the weirdest bride ever, but I totally do NOT expect showers and it really kind of makes me uncomfortable! I feel weird, like I’m soliciting presents before the wedding, when they’ll have to buy me more.
In any case, FI’s aunt has asked me for a guest list. I feel so weird about this I don’t know what to do. Most of my friends live out of town, so I don’t want to send them an invite and make them feel obligated to send a gift and worse, to travel for a shower and then again a few months later for the wedding. Most of his family live out of town also, and really just his parents are local. My family live near his family, but I feel uncomfortable having his aunt host my family…
Ack! What would/did you do for your shower guest list?
Post # 3
I made a list of all the people I wanted there that were invited to the wedding. I knew that if my friends could make it, they would. If they couldn’t, I understood that it was far away, etc. They aren’t going to feel forced to come, just because you invite them. But, they might feel left out if you don’t. Just make sure you’re inviting them to the wedding if you invite them to the shower. Have fun!
Post # 4
I just emailed my Maid/Matron of Honor with my list :e)
I went to a family shower recently and kinda just invited whoever attended then. But also women and girlfriends who mean alot to me. The more information you give the better for the shower-giver so addresses, phonenumbers emails all good! Don’t feel like you’re being pushy they NEED this info! My shower is actually a lingrie sjower so i also had to give all of my measurments (kinda weird!) but I think it will be a blast! (and boy do i need some goodies for the honeymoon)
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I would provide a list of all women invited to the wedding that you know well, whether they are in state or not… on the flip side of making them feel "obligated" to go to your shower, sometimes it also stings for your girlfriends/women guests when they DONT recieve a shower invitation. Just something to think about! If you feel uncomfortable about them being "put out" to attend your shower, email/call them after they’ve recieved the invite and let them know that you don’t expect them to come but didn’t want to NOT invite them to your shower.
Post # 6
LOL. I didn’t even know what a wedding shower was. My fiancee had to explain it to me after informing me his mother would want to have one.
Post # 7
It’s not a silly question at all. I grew up in an area where every bride has at least one shower, if not multiple showers, and have been to many, but have been having major shower guest list-related anxiety myself!! And I had to explain to my mother that it’s rude to invite someone to a shower and not invite the person to the wedding, which I thought was funny, because she’s had a lot more shower-attending practice than I have!
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2009 - University of Michigan Union
My family is throwing a shower, and Mr. Taffy’s mom & aunts would like to throw one too, so I’ve been trying to figure out how to split my guests so it is somewhat even. It’s a bit tricky, some friends want to be at the same shower etc… good luck! 🙂
Post # 9
Miss Taffy, that’s a huge part of the problem I’m having, too! Plus, you can’t invite the same people to two showers (can you? I wouldn’t think so), and I’m not sure I have enough people to invite. You’re probably thinking, gee, Einstein, why don’t you just have one shower? But my dad accepted his cousin’s offer to throw me a shower, and my mom accepted the offer of some women from her church, hence the creative guest list math 😉
Post # 10
I am having a shower where we live for my friends and invitees and where my family lives so that the people who live far away from us don’t have to travel twice. Also, much of my family is older or won’t be able to make the trip to our wedding so it will be a way in which we can share the joy with them. My mom will be coming to both, as will my Maid/Matron of Honor, since she is the mastermind behind most of it.
If your family lives near her and she has offered to throw you a shower, this may be a great opportunity to have the two families meet and mingle for a little while. You could have your mom or Maid/Matron of Honor volunteer to help her and that way maybe your family could have either of them as their go-to person regarding your shower. If you are close enough that you speak to your friends, I don’t see it as rude to ask them if they would like to come and then send an invite if they would, or to not send an invite after explaining that "my shower is XX day but I completely understand that you aren’t going to make it" while making it clear they are also invited if they so choose to want to make the trip. One of my bridesmaids is very far away and will not make either bridal shower and she and I have already discussed that I don’t expect her to. I don’t necessarily think of it as her "hosting" our family as much as volunteering her help to celebrate both you and her family’s joyous occasion!
Post # 11
I’m having a ridiculous number of showers (6, 7 if you count the man-shower being thrown for FI). I feel so blessed to be so loved, but the guest lists have been hard! Some are obvious (sorority shower, parents’ Sunday school class) but two are being thrown just by friends of the family. I’ve sort of divided the women in my guest list up in terms of age and the circles they run in. For instance, one shower will be friends that are closer to my age and more "my" friends, rather than family friends from either side. One shower will be family friends from FI’s side, and another will be family friends from my side. Granted, we’re inviting 400 to the wedding, so we have a large list to work from 🙂
We’ve been using Google Docs to keep our guest list organized, so I color-coded according to which shower a person would be invited to. That way I can send the host address information when I send her names.