(Closed) How do you make yourself feel confident?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9672 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’ve taken a good first step in realizing your behavior is destructive.

Remind yourself that he is with you of his own free will and out of love.  If he wanted to be with someone else, he would.

Remind yourself that you can control your emotions.  You owe him an apology, big time.  And, from now on, even if you feel irrationally jealous (which we all do at times) you don’t have to tell him you’re feeling that way.  Learn to keep some negative emotions to yourself.

Find some things about yourself that you like.  Look in the mirror, there has to be something you like about yourself.  Don’t compare yourself to other people but learn to appreciate yourself and what you have to offer.

Post # 5
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Get some hobbies. Develop your self worth into something that isn’t just about the way you look.

And stop telling him to turn away from stuff on TV. That sounds absolutely mental. No offense.

Post # 9
Member
9672 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@crystaldarling:   Hugs!  You will be fine.  Everyone has struggles, you’re not alone.  We all feel this way from time to time.  Just let him know you’re aware this is your issue with yourself and not take it out on him.  If you slip up, apologize immediately so he will know you’re working on it.

Everyone in the world has struggled with insecurity and jealousy at times.  Sometimes we just don’t feel that great about ourselves.  But, you know what?  It’s much better to be a REAL and humble human being capable of admitting flaws than to be a narcissitic person who’s cold as ice.  I’m sure your SO loves you very much just the way you are. 

Learn to know you are very lovable!  When you love things about yourself it helps a lot with the insecurity and jealousy.  It’s taken my entire life to learn to love myself but it’s worth the effort.  I was a lot like you when I was younger but now I feel more confident and secure.  I still have issues like everyone else but I know I’m a good and kind person who really loves people and has a lot to give.  I’m not better than anyone else, by any stretch, but at least now I know why my Fiance loves me and what I contribute to his life –  Love!!

You give him love.  🙂  Isn’t that great??

Post # 10
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Sunfire:  I can’t say it better than this.

 

Do things you enjoy that nurture yourself.  Like Double_rainbow said, find some hobbies.  Also, exercise is a wonderful thing to do for both your mind and your body, so it’s great you’re getting a gym membership.  This sounds weird, but eating nutritious, unprocessed food can also improve mental state.  I’d also look at things you’re good at, and encourage those talents; a sense of accomplishment and success will help build your self-esteem.  

 

I think we ladies are bombarded so much with images of “perfect” people we end up at war with our bodies, trying to conquer them.  We feel lesser because we can’t look like perfection, but feel like we should.  It’s easy to forget that our bodies are such wonderful, complicated things, that it’s a miracle they work at all.  Our bodies do so much for us!  When you start feeling bad about yourself, think of what an amazing thing your body is, and think of it not as something that should be forced to be something it’s not, but something that should be loved and nourished.

Post # 11
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I used to be exactly like you, except my issues were general jealousy/confidence issues as opposed to weight-related. You can get over this, but you have to stop trying to control what he watched etc – this is only reinforcing your issues. Once you let go and accept that he can see a pretty woman on TV while also loving you, you will get over this much faster. Good luck

Post # 12
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT, girl!

Post # 14
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

you might not wanna hear this but — THERAPY. i do not have insurance and i pay out of pocket for therapy. it is a significant expense but i have to say it is the best money i have ever spent. also, i pay less than i would because they have a sliding scale.  i have a couple of friends who go to a local university and get therapy from people who are in their final years of training and need the credit hours. it’s very inexpensive.

Post # 15
Member
803 posts
Busy bee

I don’t struggle with jealousy issues, but I do with self-esteem/confidence (normal for everyone to). 

 

I think the most important thing for anyone is not to base their confidence in self-appearance on how others perceive them. I know it’s really hard to do this, but you have to try to on some level. Because when we get too caught up in how other people find us attractive, it’s much harder for us separate how we look at ourselves from how other people are looking at us. 

Do you spend all your time with your SO? If you do, I would suggest taking some time off for yourself. Go to the gym, maybe take some walks to relax, treat yourself to a manicure/pedicure or maybe spa treatment. Do things you enjoy doing just for yourself. It’s hard for you to feel 100% better about yourself overnight, but I think when you start doing things for yourself again, you’ll slowly get there. Getting a facial might make you feel like – hey, my skin feels unclogged, I feel refreshed, my skin looks really good today! And you’ll be learning what the self-good feeling feels like again – on your own, separate from relying on your SO to make you feel good about yourself. It doesn’t even have to be about physical appearance. Do something you’ve been meaning to do, but never did – it’ll give you a sense of accomplishment – because it’s equally as important for you to feel good about the inside as well as the outside. When you feel good about the things you’re doing for yourself, and the things you’re getting done that you put aside before, it’ll give you the strength and encouragement to keep going forward on your journey towards self-confidence.

 

Face yourself in the mirror everyday and repeat a positive mantra. Tell yourself, “I love this man, and he loves me. My negativity is hurting our relationship and I am being my own worst enemy. I’m going to be positive about myself, and our relationship/love so I can be the best person I can be for him, and for myself.”

Find one new positive thing to say about yourself/thing you like about yourself, whether it’s in or out, everyday and tell yourself that you’re beautiful always. 

 

Post # 16
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

Start small… everyday when you get up in the morning look and the mirror and tell yourself something that you like about yourself. Then tell yourself something small that you are going to do today to make yourself feel better (ie, go for a walk, cuddle with your Fiance, read a book… anything). Adjusting your attitude and outlook look on life if the first thing you need to worry about, once you can get up in the morning and say “I look forward to today” the rest will start to fall into place.

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