(Closed) How do you move past insecurity? (sorry so long)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

There are tons of books or internet sites that can help you with a self-esteem issue. I think it’s great that you RECOGNIZE that this may be negatively affecting your relationship. Realizing it is half the issue; now you know when you’re doing something based on those insecurities. It WILL get better as long as you work on it and he works WITH you on it.

Post # 4
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry to hear about what happened with your ex!  Ugh…

Is there one part of your life that you feel really secure about, or are really good at? When I was in college, I didn’t focus on school my freshman year and my self esteem took a huge hit when I saw my grades.  To feel better about myself, I started playing the piano again – even though I never liked it – just because it was something in my life that gave me a lot of positive feedback.

It sounds silly, but getting affirmation in one part of your life can sometimes make up for the lack of affirmation in other parts of your life!  Good luck!!!

Post # 5
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

A cheap alternative to counselling is a book called Feeling Good by David Burns. It will give you some concrete strategies to talk yourself out of feeling depressed and insecure. Hope it helps. 

Post # 6
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I think that I used to be pretty insecure but I don’t know if it was over time (I’m in my late 20’s) or just one day but all of a sudden I started being super confident in myself.  It may have actually started when I began working full time and I realized that I was really good at my job.  People will say “you always have the answer” and I think yes, yes I do.  I also started doing hobbies that i’m really good at.  Are you good at trivia, dancing, crafts, etc…  You should do those things more.  Then will come confidence.  Start telling yourself, I am good at this.  You don’t need others to tell you that to know it’s true.

What are your really good qualities?  Are you smart, pretty, creative, funny, etc…?  Remind yourself of that.

Post # 7
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I feel your pain, not to that extent, but I’m really glad that you are admitting this, realizing that its within yourself and not external, and want some help.  I agree with PPs, to do something that you know you are good at to help with self esteem.  Maybe start going for runs to clear your mind, and take up hobbies with your SO.  Try to find a career fair within your community or at local colleges, there are a lot coming up in the next few weeks. 

Also, it sounds silly, but have your SO write some things that he loves about you on sticky notes, and hang them around the house so that when you are feeling down, you can walk around and look at them and let your mind wander to how awesome he is.  I know that sometimes I feel like that during the day at work, so I’ll go back and find an old text from the hubs, or send him a message that I need a hug or something, so he sends me something sweet. 

Post # 9
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Quietone – I agree with @MrsSl82be’s advice about the sticky notes.  At times, I’m insecure as well.  I keep a letter that my Fiance wrote to me in my nightstand and take a look at it whenever I’m feeling down/insecure.  Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@QuietOne: what do you mean? Did your current SO cheat on you?

Post # 16
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@QuietOne:Like my mom always says…always trust your gut. I love my fiance beyond belief, do I want to believe he’ll never cheat on me because he is such a good, sweet person? Of course. Do I believe it could never happen? Absolutely not.

At least he’s shown his true colors and now you can be rid of the scumbag (excuse my language).

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