Post # 1
My husband and I have been discussing how we would theoretically like the next couple years to play out and are kind of at a loss as to how things will work. We currently live in a nice, new 2-bedroom apartment in an expensive major city. We’d like to move back to a much smaller city where we went to school together, which is conveniently where all our family members live. It’s much less expensive to buy a house there, the schools are better, there are lots of employment opportunities, etc. Our current location versus the university city are approximately 90 minutes apart.
We are both employed by info tech companies in our current major city. We have lots of savings, and are anticipating starting TTC in the new year. We’d like to wait until our baby is approximately 6 months old (regardless of how long that takes re: TTC) and then move to our university city and buy a house. My husband has lots of business contacts in our university city and is confident he could find a job there quickly. We obviously would not move until he had secured a new job, nor would we buy a house until he had secured a new job. I will be on maternity leave, which lasts for a full year here in Canada and guarentees 55% of your previous income (to a limit). It seems like a good idea to move during my maternity leave, so I can start looking for new employment in the new city once we’ve moved.
On a side note, we’re both interesting in looking for new jobs in the next couple years regardless of our fertility/baby/family situation, as we work for small companies with low ceilings.
My question is, how would you execute this move? Does it make sense to live with my parents for a month while we transition from our apartment here into a home we buy in the university town? Does it make more sense to pick up a short-term rental (which, even for a vastly superior apartment, will still cost significantly less than our current rental) in the university city, though that would effectively mean moving twice in a short period of time? If my husband gets a job in the university city, it is better to have him commute 90 minutes each way for 3-5 weeks while we find a house (knowing he could stay at my parent’s house when he’s too tired to make the trip back, or we could stay there together part-time)?
I know this is rather far-off but we’ve been discussing it a lot lately, and with the insane housing market and bad child-care options in this city, it doesn’t seem to make sense for us to stay here after we’ve started a family. On top of that, we actually much prefer pretty much everything about our university city.
Thanks for your input!
Post # 2
anonybee0810: Why are you planning to wait to move until your baby is 6 months old? It seems like all of this could be done a LOT easier without a baby in the picture.
Post # 3
anonybee0810: if the other city you want to be in has a better options for both housing and jobs and you would save money by moving there, why are you waiting until you start a family to move?
Post # 4
anonybee0810: Also, it seems to me that waiting to move in the midst of being pregnant and changing jobs with a new baby, new home, new place in general is just going to be really overwhelming. I think the best idea would be to get as settled as you can be in a new home, new city,and have some time in on a new job before having a family. that way when you are prgnant and planning for baby, you can avoid the stress of a move and a new job. And lastly, the money you will save by moving now will help with being more prepared financially for a baby. Not that you aren’t now but the more you have the better off you will be.
Post # 5
The reason most people rent initially when they move is so that they can familiarize themselves with the city-desirable neighbourhoods.
If you went to university in this city, I assume you already have that knowledge.
If you are still on mat leave when you move, you will have plenty of time to scout out good day care before you go back to work.
Post # 6
anonybee0810: Why not move before getting pregnant? I don’t understand this part at all….
Post # 7
weatherbug: stardustintheeyes: Daisy_Mae:
We had discussed a bunch of different reasons for not moving until our baby would be 6+ months old, and also why we wouldn’t move now.
1) My husband would prefer to stick with his current job for another year (he doesn’t feel ready to move on yet, but is getting there)
2) We’re also locked into another 8 months of our apartment lease.
3) We don’t want to put off TTC for another 2+ years
4) I don’t want to start a new job in the university city and go on maternity leave less than a year later. It seems unfair since I have no intention of working full-time once I come off of maternity leave (we have agreed that as long as our finances allow it, I will work part-time while our children are small)
5) I don’t want to give up the benefits I’ve accrued from working for my current company for so long (the vacation days, sick days, bonuses and general flexibility will be invaluable while pregnant)
Post # 8
We moved when my baby was 4-5 mo old. We didn’t move across the country, but it doesn’t sound like you are doing that either. Ours was within 5 miles. It takes a lot more effort to move with a baby but the easiest thing to do would be to 1) hire movers and then 2) have your family come watch the baby while you take care of any house things that need to bed one (painting, etc).
We had my parents or just my mom come over multiple weekends in a row (they live nearby) and either my dad would watch the baby while my mom and I painted (or unpacked) or my husband would watch the baby while my mom and I did stuff.
I don’t know why you would need to live with parents or in a rental when you already know the area and should know what you’re looking for and where at. I think the most dififcult part is having someone to watch the baby if you need to do stuff (like paint or remodel) that baby can’t be around. But since your family lives there it should be a lot easier!
It was a pain, but it’s easy enough to figure out. Do it before baby is walking and crawling though lol.
Post # 9
kes18: A lot of what you’ve said makes sense to me. The only reason we’d contemplated living with my parents or in a rental is because there would likely be a transition time from when my husband starts working at a new job to the time we’ve actually bought a house and moved into it. It could be a solid month (or more) where he’s working 90+ minutes away (115km) from our current rental, and I imagine that commute would be pretty awful.
Post # 10
anonybee0810: I don’t really think it’s complicated moving to another city- just because you have a baby- especially because you will be on maternity leave, AND you’re moving to a place where family is– it’s much easier than the oppopsite– moving while NOT on maternity leave or not staying home with baby, away from family- where you don’t have an help.
The only thing is you’ll have to tote a baby while setting up new home and moving– which, sure, is a little more work…but it can be done, especially with family so close.
Post # 11
anonybee0810: Ohhhhh, ok. Makes much more sense now. 🙂 Some companies will offer relocation assistance if they are eager to get someone in the door. While you can’t really count on that as Plan A, your husband should definitely ask about this when he’s considering any offers. For example, they can hook you up with vetted real estate agents and lenders who can fast-track your mortgage app, and procure and sometimes even subsidize temporary housing while you look for a your new home, then send trusted movers to move all your stuff once you’re ready.
If this is NOT an option, I personally would not want to move twice in such a short period of time, especially with a new baby. I would probably ask hubby to try the commute for a week or two to see how bad it is. Or maybe plan for him to make the commute Mon & Fri, then Tues-Thurs, either stay (just him) with my parents or in a hotel.
One more thing to think about, would his current employer allow him to telecommute? That way, you could move to be closer to family without being under such pressure. And if your husband decided to stick with the telecommuting job, cool; and if he decided it wasn’t working out and he’d rather look closer to home, who could blame him? This would actually be my Plan A if his current company is amenable.
Post # 12
I don’t think moving with a 6 month old would be that difficult. My husband and I just moved across the country with our 2-year-old and the hardest part was that she kept asking to see her friends in our old state. We stayed in a hotel for one month, then a furnished apartment for one month, before our house was ready. We were living out of suitcases for those 2 months so that required careful packing, and our daughter was a little bored without most of her toys. She also kept asking to go “home”. But with an infant who’s not aware of the change, I think it should be fine.
If you plan to buy a house, I would not do a short-term rental unless it is completely furnished so you don’t have to do an extra move. My husband’s new company gave us a relocation package that paid for our housing for up to 3 months after we moved, so we would have time to buy a house. We thought about renting for longer (and moving our furniture and everything in) before buying, but we didn’t want the hassle of two full house moves within a year.
Post # 13
anonybee0810: Regarding your reasons why you don’t want to move now, another good one is that if you do get pregnant quickly, it is likely to be be much more difficult to find for you to find employment, especially if you start showing early (I am assuming you have to be employed in order to access the maternity leave coverage). This is basically the boat my husband and I wound up in…we planned to move shortly after we got married, but I got pregnant right away, and even if I had been able to find a job while pregnant, I have great benefits at my current job, and in the US you must be employed by a company for twelve months before you have access to federally protected leave. So like you we may well wind up moving when the baby is in the 6-8 month range, after my maternity leave ends (but a lot further than a 90 minute drive :-)).
If you decide to get a short term rental, I suggest getting a furnished place and renting a storage unit to store your own things so you don’t have to move in everything twice. Honestly, if I were in your position and moving to a town so close by, I’d want my husband to commute the 90 minutes each way till we had a house (assuming he was willing). My commute is about that long, and it does completely suck, but at least he’d have an end in sight and would be saving you all a lot of inconvenience in the long run. Maybe he could even work from home a few days a week.
Also agree with a few others that he should try to negotiate relocation assistance, even if its access to resources rather than rental reimbursement. You might already live too close to benefit, but it’s worth a shot.
Post # 14
We moved 100 miles when Dirty Delete was just over a year old. We moved back to my childhood town where a lot of my family were still living.
My husband found a job just after our house sold. There was abut 3 months from selling to moving date and he agreed a start date with his employer with flaxability in case something went wrong.
I took my daughter to my parents the week before we moved. My husband was working his notice right up until moving day so we hired a removal company who also did all our packing.
I travelled back up to the house on moving day to help.
During the week Dirty Delete was at my parents we took her to the new house (we were lucky enough to be allowed the keys during office house to redecorate as the house was empty). Dirty Delete was able to familierise herself with all the rooms before officially moving in.
We tired to keep everything familier for her to aid the transition. Although we redecorated her room, we kept her old bedding until she was settled.
Dirty Delete was a bit confused for a week or so but soon settled in.
It would have been much harder if we didnt have my parents to look after her and the packers were worth the money.
I would say stay with your parents if they are happy with it. Its only short term. you can put your belongings in storage and it will be nice for a future child to be with the grandparents.