(Closed) How do you not get annoyed…

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 4
Member
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Eh, I guess it is what it is. I totally get why you feel a little peeved but I suppose some people either don’t have the budget or don’t think its important to pick out a gift that is in the same price range as the one you got them. Maybe they dont realize the difference? Are you already receiving gifts before your wedding?

Post # 6
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I try several tactics.  I tell myself that I’m fortunate that I’m in a financial position to have been able to afford a nice gift for them and that perhaps money is too tight for them to do it now.

Or I tell myself that there have been times when I’ve made a similar faux pas (of sorts) because I wasn’t thinking or didn’t know better.

Sometimes I use it to reflect on the friendship as a whole; does this mean we’re not really as close as I had thought we were?  Is it time to reconsider how I value them?  Not because they gave me a small gift, but because the small gift was the symptom that caught my attention.  The only time I give small gifts is when I’m not actually invested in a couple, so I evaluate whether that’s what’s going on.  If in all other areas of life the gift-giver is a pretty good friend to me and seems to value me, I let that drop.  This one usually only comes up if I know they can afford it and that they’ve given larger gifts to other people.

My mantra that I go to first is, “It’s the thought that counts, so what’s the thought?”  Maybe it’s a cheaper gift with a lot of meaning (My friend’s Oma gave me a wafflemaker because she used to make waffles for us in the morning when I spent the night; I got my friend a lazy suzan for her shower because it was a “revolver” and her favorite game was Clue).  Maybe my idea of what is an expensive gift is way different than this person’s idea of an expensive gift; if I gave them a $200 gift but they NEVER give more than an $80 wedding gift, I can’t really expect them to give me and only me a $200 gift for my wedding when they give $80 gifts to people who matter to them just as much as I do.

Post # 7
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh man, that is frustrating.  Venting is a good idea; feelings are okay as long as we don’t prematurely act on them.  I’d be really annoyed if I went to trouble to go to a friend’s shower but she didn’t go to mine just because.  I do have a few friends who think showers are stupid, though, and find them to be the wedding industrial complex’s plot to get more money out of wedding guests.  I don’t expect to have a wedding shower, actually, but if I did I wouldn’t mind those friends not coming to my shower…but I would probably go to their showers with a gift of wine or a book instead of something off the registry.  

Post # 9
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hmm.. times are tough! When Fiance and I went to his uncle’s wedding in Sonoma, we were only able to gift a small amount of money. We’re strapped kids and had already spent a good deal of money on transportation/the hotel room.. I still felt guilty though! 

I have a question: Do people still go to showers if they have no intention of going to the actual wedding? I suppose it’s their chance to say congratulations and gift the bride… but is it weird?

Also, would people keep track of the exact amount you spent on their wedding gift? I can’t imagine the couple scanning a saved wedding excel spreadsheet and locating your name and going, “Oh yea, they got us a really nice $300 gift! Let’s stiff ’em!” Personally, the gift depends on the budget we’re financially comfortable with at the time of the wedding. If I could gift people more I totally would. I hate feeling guilty about my gifts. 😐 

Post # 10
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

btw, HI date twin. πŸ™‚ less than a month!!!!!!!!!! EEK

Post # 12
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That’s really disappointing!  I kind of feel the same way; not just about weddings, but other things in life too.  If I go to a friend’s house at 2 in the morning with some icecream whenever she has an emotional crisis, I kind of expect her to be there when I need her.  Not necessarily right at 2 in the morning, but at least sometime during the week. To not even get an IM with, “Hey, how’re you holding up?” is frustrating.  It feels very one-sided.

It’s the same way with weddings.  “If she made an effort to come to mine, I should make an effort to go to hers,” is a good rule to follow, I think…obviously you’re not required to go, but an effort is nice.  I wish we could require people to write explanations for the “No” response on the back, I try to do that if I have to RSVP “No.”

It sounds like you have some flaky people to contend with.  Is this just what those people tend to be like with everyone?  If your friends are in their mid-twenties or younger, they might not even realize that they’re flaking out on you.

Post # 14
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@AmeliaBedelia:  We would always have enough icecream!

I’ve noticed that too, my parents’ generation and my grandparents’ generation are fantastic about…pretty much everything.  Responses on RSVP cards, thank-you notes, Christmas cards, etc.

My generation is kind of in lala land.  I wonder if most peoples’ parents just got lazy and didn’t think to pass down those skills?  Maybe it’s because we’re the internet generation and so used to instant gratification that we’re out of practice with responses that require effort?

I hope your shower was nice though, despite the flakes.  Maybe because it was a casual shower with a younger crowd, people were more laid back about going?

The best part about the person who didn’t RSVP yet is that once the deadline is there you can call to get the response.  Then he or she will probably tell you why.  I have a plan in place to pretend that RSVPs of “No” that really confuse me got lost in the mail so I can call people up and maybe figure out what’s up.  It’s a last resort, and it’s definitely rude of me, but there are some people where a “No” would really confuse me, given how excited they act about the wedding.

Post # 15
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@sushitushi:  I did do this once – go to the shower but not the wedding. My old college roomie’s wedding was the same day as a pre-wedding event for a wedding that I was actually in… so I went to her shower and brought my gift there and caught up for a while.

Post # 16
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was annoyed, but it is what it is.  I’m not talking about not recipricating gifts even but people who I sent gifts to (and nice ones)  didn’t even get me a card πŸ™ boo.

Weddings really show you people’s true colors and where you stand i guess.

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