(Closed) How do you not get upset when friends choose other things over your wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I am sorry that you are hurting. Are you sure that they didn’t already have the trip planned? Did they ever respond to your email that you sent before the save the date?

Post # 5
Member
809 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I dont think here is really a way to not let this hurt your feelings. I am really sorry this has happened to you. How would you feel about telling them that you really hoped they would be there and asking if there is any way they could fly in early?

If it makes you feel any better The girl that use to be my bestfriend sine middle school… so lets see that is like 13-14 years. She hasnt much more than spoken to me in a year after to moving back into town for no reason other than she is too busy with her other new friends that she formed a mom’s group with. When i asked her if i could count on her being at my wedding she simply said. I dont know that is the day after Aubrey’s Birthday (aubrey is her daughter)

Post # 6
Member
494 posts
Helper bee

People who do not show up to my wedding after I give them ample notice will not be on my friends list any longer. It is an important day and if they can not make room for your one special day then I dont consider them friends. I have a bunch of people coming in from the west coast (we live on the east) and I am giving them over a years notice so I expect them to be here. I would do the same for them.

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i am so sorry, i think that’s just awful. i have a friend who is planning a trip out of the country around the time of our wedding (she’s already kind of being a bad friend, never asking about the wedding, etc) and i had a feeling she was going to miss the wedding, which was going to be the end of our relationship, so i totally understand your feelings. it’s such an important day for you, and a trip can be scheduled around that. luckily my friend did schedule around it and will be there.

Post # 8
Member
809 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am sorry but I agree with Charmed… here I know if my friend does not show up at my wedding without having a good reason… I personally will have to reevaluate that friendship

Post # 9
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

It’s totally fine to feel upset, and sometimes this is a good chance to re-evaluate friendships as well. It still hurts, but you can learn something from it. One of my good friends couldn’t come to ours bc 2 months before, her sister decided to get married the same day. I was devastated, and stressed bc she was going to be doing my hair & makeup so I needed to find new people for that. But I understood her reasons. I am less understanding of some of FH’s friends – one couple didn’t come bc his best friend had his 30th on the same night. Um, we gave you a years notice, we are having a once-in-a-lifetime day and you are on our fairly restricted list of 80 guests and you still can’t make it? BOO. FH was very hurt by that, and a couple of other guests. You just need to focus on the people who ARE there.

@charmedlife – I hope if one of your friends can’t come for a good reason, that you try to understand otherwise you could end up losing a lot of friends – we could have!

Post # 10
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Wow. She even discussed party plans with your MOH! I would just call her up and tell her how you are sorry that they can’t make it and you wish they could be there. Then leave it at that because you don’t want to waste time worrying about negative things when you should be happy. Besides maybe it was hard for her to tell you or maybe she is just a bad friend, but regardless you are still about to experience one of the happiest moments in your life.

Post # 11
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I try to focus on the positive: our wedding is going to be AWESOME, with or without these guests.  (both my father’s sibs may not come due to another family gathering set for before our wedding, but scheduled AFTER set our wedding date) I’m going to concentrate on the people who ARE there for us & build stronger ties with the guests who value our (us & guests’) relationship enough to be there for us.

Post # 12
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I think it’s hard not to be upset about it, but no one cares as much about your wedding as you do.  I’m sure in their mind it wasn’t a deal-breaker on your relationship, but since it’s your wedding, I’m sure you feel very differently.  Maybe they’ll end up cancelling their plans or changing them?  There’s still a lot of time before the wedding for things to change.

Post # 14
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

That really, really sucks!  I had a friend who I notified well in advance who “couldn’t come” either.  I jokingly (mostly to cover up my hurt feelings) asked “Why?  Do you have a hot date?” and she said “Yeah.”  I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not, but she never offered an alternative explanation either.  Ouch.  And then, I had a friend not show up because she FORGOT my wedding was that day.  Double ouch. 

I’m not sure why it’s not as important to some as it obviously is to us.  When the first friend I mentioned got married, I barely knew her, but we had really clicked, so I would gladly have gone if invited, (I threw her a bridal party, for pity’s sake, and she couldn’t even come to my wedding?!).  And I can’t believe your friends would schedule a trip for that time period.  I mean, really, how hard would it have been to have gone a week earlier, or even a DAY earlier, so they could be back in time.  That’s just rude.

Post # 15
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ouch. That really sucks. A close friend of mine and my fiance’s– someone my fiance asked to be a groomsman– off-handedly mentioned to us that he was 50/50 on whether he’d be there because it depends if he can figure out a way to study in China over the summer. China is a huge country! It has been there for thousands of years! It’s not like it’s going anywhere, you know?

We were so hurt. We’re going to tell him that since we’re footing the bill for custom-tailored traditional clothing from India for the wedding party, we can’t have him in it if he’s not going to know whether he can attend until a month beforehand. I’d like to uninvite him completely, because it’s just so offensive that our wedding is what he’ll do if he doesn’t have anything better going on. But my fiance won’t let me. πŸ˜›

Post # 16
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have a feeling that several family members and friends won’t be coming to the wedding. I’ll be disappointed, but I’m trying to keep in perspective – yes, this is the most important day of my life, but it’s not the most important day of their lives. People need to make choices, and sometimes it comes down to what invitation they accepted first (i.e., a few years ago, I was invited to a wedding, an annual camping trip and a “trip of a lifetime” – I made my choice based on which invite I received first – which I had already RSVPd to before the other events presented themselves).

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