(Closed) How do you not let people ‘get to you’

posted 7 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

This is a struggle, and one thing I’ve had to work on.  And I have to say my current job is probably what’s allowed me to develop a thicker skin.  (I’m a therapist working primarily with teenagers, and being rejected multiple times and in various ways by teenagers I’m trying to help I think feels equivalent to dealing with rude people).

How to handle it…I think really what it takes is learning and working hard to understand that THEIR attitude is not about you, it’s a reflection of who they are.  And yeah, if you’re new, there’s no way they can know who YOU are, so they’re not rejecting you…they’re just being lame and projecting aspects of who they are.  

So, as much as possible, I’d suggest trying to repeat to yourself over and over, and hopefully internalize, that their attitude has nothing to do with you, or who you are.  What I’ve learned to tell myself is that the teens I work with really don’t know me, so when they reject, they’re not rejecting me.  And that’s the motto I’ve tried taking on…so, I guess trying to do all you can to remember this, and really practice repeating this to yourself over and over.  I think over time, you can learn to separate yourself from their attitude.  

Good luck with this all!  Let the dumb people be dumb.  They’ll just be the ones missing out on your good company.

Post # 4
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Years ago, when I started my first bartending job, all the employess were assholes, like that. The boss was the same way. I just worked my ass off, and was myself, and gave them no reason to not like me. Eventually they all ended up loving me, and respected me.

It takes time at new jobs sometimes, but you’ll work your way into the team, and everyone will love you soon enough.

As for the girl who looked at you like dog shit, she’s probably intimidated by you for some rason or another. Just kill her with kindness.

Post # 5
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

People aren’t going to like you they don’t have to….  It’s their probm not your’s.  Make sure you work hard and do what your supposed to and you will be just fine.  You Don’t have to like them either.  …. mom’s words of wisdom for my first day of kindergarten. ….

If your rude or mean to me… i deal with you strictly when i have to on a professional level… that’s it, no hello’s good byes, or have a nice weekend… they don’t have to be nice to me for me to get my paycheck. 

As for the boss thing, I had the worst boss right out of college… he nitpicked over how i sat in my chair while i was working on the computer on top of everything else.  He actually made me cry every night after work for about four weeks, then i went on vacation, and faxed in my resignation.  After that the normal daily bs at work really doesn’t get to me. 

Post # 7
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Starting a new job is like being the new kid in school-you have to get used to them and vice-versa. So wait until you get to know them for a bit and reserve judgment for now. As for bitchy girl, all the more reason to make a point of smiling and saying hi when you see her. Compliment her shoes or her hair or her earrings. This will usually break the ice.

I used to temp and I’ve worked in a lot of different offices and sometimes the girls who acted bitchiest at first turned out to be really nice. Or sometimes not:) I’m really sensitive too and it took me a long time to figure out that a lot of times it really isn’t personal, so don’t assume that. Especially with your boss. Be cool, be yourself, don’t get defensive and you will be okay. Good luck in your new job:)

Post # 9
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well I just ignored them. I was there to do a job, and I really enjoyed my job so that helped. Once they knew I wasn’t there to “steal their job”, or be lazy, we kind of just got along great. It took several months for them to respect me, but it happened eventually.

Like a PP said, just remember, their attitude is not about you, it’s about them. The sooner you realize that, the sooner everything will be easier on you.

Post # 10
Member
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I used to work in the Emergency Department and let me tell you, many people there don’t like you, no matter how hard you try to help them.

I went to a seminar where we were told to visualize oursleves with a white veil over our head that goes all the way to the floor. Nothing can penetrate that veil.

An appropriate image for her on weddingbee.

Post # 11
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

i struggle with this, too!! i’m still an art student and going through class critiques or showing my portfolio to people….augh! it’s really hard to separate myself from my work. i just need to keep reminding myself that when they tell me there’s something wrong with a picture or whatever it’s to help me improve and not anything personal. that’s a pretty obvious thing to know as an artist, but it still hasn’t made it all the way into my brain, so my new technique for dealing with this is to develop a really thick skin by taking a professor who i KNOW will tear apart my work at some point. it’s harsh, but hopefully it will make me grow better! ahhh!

i wish you luck in your office endeavors! i think killing them with kindness is usually my favorite way to deal with people, but we’ll see how i fair when i return to school… XP

Post # 14
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Just remember what a great life you have to go home to every day.  Be nice to yourself… I like the veil visualization idea.  In your own little bubble, you’re having a good day regardless of what’s going on around you. Pack really nice lunches, bring a magazine to read during your lunchbreak… anything to make the day go a little better.

After a little while of keeping to yourself, someone is bound to open up and be friendlier.

Post # 16
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

just remember that “rudeness is the weak man’s strength” quote and realize that they’re all weak.   i always think of that quote when total strangers or bosses, new co-workers, etc.. are rude for no reason whatsoever.  it makes them feel important or something i guess.

you could always look for another job.  not all jobs have a bunch of jerks, you just have to keep looking.  i know someone who is in a similar situation right now and she’s literally being attacked and feels like her job is being sabotaged by some crazy bitch who sits next to her who liked the woman that my friend replaced so she’s out to get her.  i won’t get into the stories/details but my friend is actively looking for something else.  who the hell needs to put up with that kind of crap every day in the work place?  no thanks.

 

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