Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018
DH has this thing that it takes forever for him to climax, and I am talking at least an hour or more. We have great sex since we don’t tend to make a mess. That’s a plus, but since I really want to please him, help him climax more often, how can I wait that long? I try using my hands, but honestly, I get tired. We get tired if we go for say more than 30 minutes of full penetration even with short breaks. Any ideas?
Post # 3
There tends to be things that speeds them up and things that slow them down. Is there anything that makes it go a bit faster for him? How long does it take for him alone?
Post # 4
@candy11: Have you told him that shorter amounts of time is more enjoyable for you? I’ve had guys that think longer is better, but after 10-15 mins I’m done and kinda bored. If he knows and wants to and just cant, then a few suggestions.
Have him not prolong O when he is masterbating. Again some guys think longer is better, so they train themselves to get close to the edge then back off. Tell him to train himself to pop off as soon as he gets to the edge, no holding back.
Maybe have him masterbate for 30-45 mins without you, then you join the picture.
Also, find out what is taking him so long. Often times, if its not the backing off issue, guys will have distractiong thoughts. They get close to the edge, then they think about work or sports and they are at the beginning again.
Maybe try no sex or masterbation for a couple of weeks, then when he is super horny, give it a try.
Maybe try having him give you and O (with lots of foreplay) every day for a week, but no O for him (or masterbation). Then after a week of build up, you guys have sex.
PS- are you using condoms?
Post # 5
I was listening to Dan Savage talk about this very issue recently!
Why don’t you see whether he would allow you to watch him masturbate? First, it’s very hot and can easily be a part of foreplay, and second, you’ll get to see how he makes himself orgasm. Unless he’s using a lot of tube, I would be surprised if he is masturbating with his hand for that long.
This isn’t AT ALL to suggest that you’re inadequate — I myself have a very hard time orgasming with a partner, even though I am very quick by myself. [TMI alert] I’ve worked into our routine a part where I masturbate with him (that is, he and I are working on me, if that makes sense). It speeds things along, is extremely hot, and he knows what I want. Win all around!
Post # 6
@candy11: I second watching him. Guys definitely treat their penis different then women are inclined to.
Post # 7
Honestly, depending on how secure he is, I’d try for prostate stimulation to help speed him along, or if he’s not comfortable with that, a toy like a vibe on his penis or an ona egg to make hand jobs low effort. I’m not unfamiliar with lengthy sex sessions but have the benefit of pretty easy multiple orgasms. It sounds like neither of you are fond of this.
Also, if he has not, he should speak to his doctor about his difficulty reaching orgasm. If it’s a sensitivity issue, it could point to other problems. If he’s handling himself too roughly in masturbation (or if he did in the past) It’s possible he did damage to his penis that could have long term effects.
Post # 8
That reminds me I had a boyfriend who in his 30’s had a prostate issue and it did take longer. I can add that to my long list of ‘reasons we did not work out’. But I have to agree that prostrate stim can be very arrousing to guys. Most guys that say it does nothing for them have either 1)not actually tried it or 2) had t done improperly. Do so research for the best technique and/or toy.
The added benefit, it’s really good for men’s health. Decreases Enlarged Prostrate issues as men get older and may even reduce prostrate cancer. In fact it wasnt too long ago that when a man went in for his yearly physical, the doc would do a prostrate massage for his health.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018
It’s very normal for him to take along time even when I try many things. He says alone is the same. It takes a long time by himself too.
I think he wants to be faster too because then it becomes painful for him like after 30 min with breaks.
Great advice. Thank you! No, we don’t use condoms. We are trying to conceive baby #1.
What does a “lot of tube” mean?
I think he feels embarrased or something to do it infront of me. I even asked him to show me how he does it, and he would not show me and brushes me off saying “you are doing it well”.
@Bracelet00: Great point about the possible damage to his parts. He has O before with me but only very few times. This is it for our entire relationship. He thinks he is fine and doesn’t need to see a doctor.
Thank you all! I certainly want to help him, but I have a feeling he doesn’t see this as a big problem. 🙁
Post # 10
I know this is a few days old, but I just saw it. Have you talked about this in terms of TTC? Does he still not seem to think it’s a problem? From what I’m gathering, he doesn’t typically O when you have sex. He has to know that can be an issue when TTC. Maybe talking to him about it in that context will make him want to go to the doctor. That definitely sounds like something that should be checked on. I also like the idea of prostate stimulation if he’s cool with that.
Post # 11
I know people prefer different durations for lovemaking sessions and whatnot.. but I wonder if he’s taking a long time because he is desensitized.. maybe?
That can be a problem for men who have been circumcised. (Idk if he is, if he is not, then disregard the rest of my comment). Foreskin has a bunch of nerves, it’s analogous to the clitoris. So in general, it’s more challenging for cut men to orgasm compared to uncut men.
Not all cut men may experience problems, or the same kind of problems. But I know some cut men who are dissatisfied with their sex lives have gone through foreskin restoration to regain sensation.
But in your case.. you have to ask yourself, is he not entirely pleased with the way things are, or is it just you? If he is feeling like things could be improved, then he should consider other alternatives, rather than leaving all of the work up to you. I get that you wanna make him happy and that’s great, but he should try to explore his own body and needs too, to better understand himself..
Post # 12
maybe he’s trying too hard to come quicker and putting too much pressure on himself. maybe he just needs to relax a bit more and enjoy and not think about coming.
my dh gets a lot of oral as foreplay, he loves it and often makes him come faster. what really gets him to come quicker is if he gives me a few orgasms before even penetrating me. he loves how it feels.
have you tried different positions? this could help.
Post # 13
Since you are trying to concieve and your DH’s orgasm is a necessary part of that process, I think he should talk to his doc to rule out any major health issue that’s standing in his way (damage due to circumcision, prostate, depression, other issues).
Post # 14
I agree with the others. Taking a long time to orgasm can be a symptom of a larger medical problem and I think he should find a urologist.
Post # 15
He needs to not masturbate anymore. If he’s used to a tight grip on masturbation he will have issues finishing with you.
Post # 16
Def have him see a urologist…
But I see no harm in just telling him you’re starting to get tired… Not often, but occasionally Fiance takes FOREVER and if we’re having intercourse, i have no problem telling him it’s starting to hurt… if it’s a BJ or HJ and been going on forever, I’ll ask him if somethings wrong or ask him to take over and it’s still hot because you can play with yourself or just stroke his chest and nibble his ear type thing while he does it.
Lots of things you can do