(Closed) How do you politely put this on an invitation? Kind of a touchy subject…

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6746 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@musician32992:  I don’t know that you can put that on the invitation.  Is it clear on your invitation that your ceremony will be an atheist one?  I think the only way to do this is to tell her yourself – don’t come to the reception if you don’t show to the ceremony.  Unless you write something like, “Must have attended ceremony to attend reception” lol but I think that’s silly and weird and not sure how that will blow over with the rest of your guets. 

Post # 4
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

I don’t think that you could put this on the invite, but you could get around it by stating that the reception address and directions will be provided at the ceremony. That’s the only polite way I can think about trying to prevent them from coming to just the reception.

Post # 7
Member
4699 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think that’s fair honestly. If she’s not comfortable being at your ceremony, I think it’s within her right to politely not attend. Just like I’m sure many people find a fulll blown catholic mass ceremony to be uncomfortable. She’s still family, and even with strong beliefs it’s nice to celebrate with her just at the reception. You can’t force her to agree with your beliefs and it’s not fair to not inculde her over it. I’m sure she’s not taking advantage for the reception any more than anyone else is. : Just MO. 

Post # 8
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

you don’t, either they are invited or they aren’t. IMHO it would be better not to send an invite then to send one with conditions attached.

Post # 9
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

Honestly I would just ignore her bad behavior and move on. You’ll have so many things to deal with that you won’t have time to even think about if you saw her at the ceremony. At our wedding I was so consumed with looking at my husband that I didn’t even look at the crowd until we were walking back down. If she beahves badly that’s on her. I wouldn’t put anything special on the invites especially if the reception is in the same location.

Post # 10
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

If you only have one person that does that I would let her know in advance where and how it is going to be. If she says she’s not coming to the ceremony just do not send her an invitation. If she later asks why say you said you werent coming so I did not think you want an invitation.

@musician32992:  

Post # 11
Hostess
12103 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@HappySky7:  I agree.

 

You can’t force someone to attend a ceremony that’s against their beliefs.  If she truly objected to the marriage she wouldn’t attend the reception.  She clearly cares enough to celebrate with you and you should be happy for that.  I know several people who choose not to attend a religious ceremony because it’s counter to their beliefs – this really isn’t any different.

Post # 14
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’d probably have your mom or dad (whoever’s sibling she is) tell her in person. “Hey [aunt], I just wanted to let you know that @musician32992‘s wedding is going to be a secular ceremony, so we understand if you aren’t comfortable attending. If not, we’ll miss you and see you [whenever they’ll see her next].”

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