(Closed) How do you politely put this on an invitation? Kind of a touchy subject…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
4394 posts
Honey bee

I wouldn’t invite her if you think she will behave so rude. If you have to, have your parent(s) tell her that kind of attitude and behavior isn’t welcome and if she can’t behave herself, don’t come. 

Post # 33
Member
2883 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@musician32992:  “I would expect her to respect my beliefs, which she doesn’t. She told my cousin they didn’t have a “real” marriage and their daughter was a bastard. If you love someone in your family, you go to their wedding ceremony, doesn’t matter if it’s Catholic, atheist, Buddhist or Satanist.”


That is absolutley awful what your aunt said to your cousin. Even if she believes it to be true, what a very un-Christian thing to say! That said, all of my friends know my religion (and my attendant strong views on certain things) and I have been invited to a few weddings where the invitation came along with a heartfelt convo or email saying “hey, I know the ceremony part isn’t really your thing, but I’d love to have you at the reception.” In those cases, however, I didn’t actually disapprove of the marriage itself and had no problem celebrating it, but I just wasn’t willing to attend or participate in a service that flew in the face of what I believe. Actually in one instance the ceremony was very in-line with my beliefs and I declined to attend OR celebrate at the reception because I actually did not approve of the relationship or marriage.

With that being said, if I received an invitation that basically said, “come to the ceremony or don’t come at all,” and it was a ceremony that I could not attend in good conscience, then that’s what I’d do. RSVP no and move on with my life. 

Post # 35
Member
5317 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think that’s something you can put on the invitation.

Post # 37
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

“Please note that the reception reservation/table cards will be distributed at the wedding”.

If they weren’t there to get a card/on the list, they don’t get in. If you end up with a lot of extra plates/alcohol, pack those goodies up, lol!

Post # 38
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree that it is rude. As a Christian, it’s sad to me. Not to speak ugly of her, but people like that are the reason that people don’t like Christians.

Post # 39
Member
1611 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

@musician32992:  You can’t spend your life worrying about what people will say or do. Just remember that any bad behavior reflects on her issues and has nothing to do with you.

Post # 41
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

Having your parents speak to her is the best compromise. 

Post # 44
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@HappySky7:  I don’t agree. if she doesn’t support the way they live their lives, why should she be there to celebrate?

Post # 45
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

@musician32992:  I edited my original response probably as you were reading it. I had re-reading your post and realised my question was incorrect.

Post # 46
Member
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@musician32992:  Honestly, I can’t see a non-rude way to put that in an invitation. I like the idea of having your parent talk to the aunt about it. Either that or don’t invite her and deal with the fallout. I am not inviting one of my aunts because she’s a huge bitch. She only ever talks to me to tell me how fat I am or to point out how I’m screwing up my life. I don’t want that at my wedding celebration. My parents have tried to use guilt, anger, reverse psychology, negotiations, etc, but I refuse to budge. I’ve gone so far as to say that if anyone brings her as a secret/unnamed +1, I’ll throw her AND her ticket holder out. Ah family.

ETA: It’s all a matter of what is more important to you, keeping the peace within the family by inviting your aunt and dealing with her hateful energy OR having a hate-free day but lots of potential angst and anger before and after. Good luck!

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