(Closed) How do you politely put this on an invitation? Kind of a touchy subject…

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
1616 posts
Bumble bee

@sweetbutdemanding:  

“Please note that the reception reservation/table cards will be distributed at the wedding”.

If they weren’t there to get a card/on the list, they don’t get in. If you end up with a lot of extra plates/alcohol, pack those goodies up, lol!


PERFECT!!! 

Post # 48
Hostess
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I wouldn’t invite her. If she asks, say you know (from her comment’s at your cousin’s wedding) that she wouldn’t be comfortable.

Post # 49
Member
3518 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If I knew exactly who would be sitting there tut-tutting, I would either:

1. Modify their invitation(s) only with whatever I felt like since it wouldn’t be seen by the general population

2. Call/email and let them know how I felt.

3. Pointedly not invite that person at all.

But I’m not shy about making my feelings known when it comes to religious people who think I’m terrible for not believing. 

Post # 50
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@musician32992:  

I would speak with her personally. 

If she does not feel comfortable attending an athiest or not-Catholic wedding ceremony, why would she feel comfortable attending the reception? The reception is still not Catholic. I don’t know why I found this so funny, but I really did find humour in the absurdity of it. 

It seems like she is just being dramatic and contrary. If she didn’t “honor” or acknowledge the marriage on religious grounds, she wouldn’t attend the reception celebrating that marriage! What, is she attending in protest? Then don’t eat the food. Why does it matter if she acknowledges the wedding anyways? She’s an aunt, not even the matriarch of the family. 

I would call her and very sweetly say something like: “Hey Aunt ___. As you know, Mr. Musician and I are getting married in May and we are inviting all of our extended family. It will be an athiest ceremony and reception, and I know you have felt uncomfortable in settings like that in the past, so I wanted to let you know personally ahead of time. You are welcome, of course, and should be getting your invitation soon.” 

I think that if she is going to be negative and hateful, she will do so on the phone with you and you can just get it over with and stop worrying about what’s coming. No, you shouldn’t have to call her. But I just think that this is the best way to diffuse the situation. Maybe she is just looking for attention and will be happy that you called her. It’s a difficult situation and I’m sorry you are dealing with it. It would be best if you could just get it over with and stop worrying about her. 

Post # 52
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t know, it sounds to me like you want your beliefs respected, yet you are unwilling to repect hers. It seems to me that going to the reception only would be a fair comprimise. She may change her mind and attend the ceremony after being formally invited. I don’t think you can invite someone to an event with strings attached, talling her what parts she can and can’t come to. Either she’s welcome or she’s not. While I find her comments about other peoples weddings not being “real” I also appreciate some people were brought up in a different time under a different mentality, and I would personally take comments and beliefs like that with a grain of salt. Her objections may be short lived, and if you give her the opportunity to decide if she comes or not, you’re not put in the position of drawing a line in the sand. 

There were a few people that only came to my reception FTR. I also had people back out after numbers had been confirmed etc, so I understand that the cost of having people is a bit daunting, but really, it’s not fair to resent a guest for the cost of their attendance. 

Post # 53
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s common in my area to have them in the same place. The invitation will list date/time/location of the ceremony and say: Reception Immediately Following. 

Post # 54
Member
5521 posts
Bee Keeper

@musician32992:  honestly, I wouldn’t invite her, full-stop. I don’t want anyone at our wedding who does not support us or our marriage, no exceptions. 

 

I’m a staunch atheist. Churches make me extremely uncomfortable but I would still attend the ceremony of someone I cared for if it was known a church. If she feels that strongly, she should not attend any part of the day, and personally, I would take the choice from her by simply not inviting her. 

Post # 56
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@musician32992:  There are probably other people attending only to get the ‘free” meal as well. But I don’t think it’s fair to assume someone’s intentions. If her religion commands that she cannot attend your type of ceremony then it’s not fair to tell her that she can’t come to dinner unless she bends her beliefs. 

Post # 58
Member
5521 posts
Bee Keeper

@HappySky7:  I know many Catholics and Christians. As far as I know, neither Catholicism or Christianity forbids attending an atheist wedding. Further, if she does not/can not support the marriage, she absolutely should not be attending the celebration of that marriage.

This is nothing to do with respect IMPO. The OP is respecting her aunt by not demanding she attend the ceremony. The aunt should therefore respect the OP’s wishes that people do not attend the celebration of her marriage if they will not attend the ceremony, and do not support her marriage.

Post # 59
Member
5521 posts
Bee Keeper

@musician32992:  Seriously, I just wouldn’t invite her. As I said above, people who do not support our marriage are not welcome at any part of our wedding, and, if that upsets them, I will happily cut them from our lives 🙂

Post # 60
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I once received an invitation where someone had on the RSVP cards checkboxes for which portions of the event you’d be attending.  The options were “ceremony” or “ceremony and reception.”  Pretty sure they were inviting a lot of people with young kids and the entire church who may not have necessarily known them well/wanted to stick around for the reception.

So…basically, you could choose to attend only the ceremony, both the ceremony and reception, OR you could check “ceremony and reception” and just attend the reception and be known as a jerk.  :3

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