I also disagree about pets…. I would be a HORRIBLE pet owner. I would bitch about going outside, I want NOTHING to do with picking up doggie poop and coming home after work to let my dog out would irritate me.
However, I am a fabulous mom. And I really LOVE being a mom. Pets and kids (while they may be the same for some) are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. You can tell as much about him from how he helps out around the house, how in order are his finances? Is he *selfish* as a person…… THAT will tell you what kind of dad he is.
Here is what I will tell you……. the marriage to my daugther’s dad failed, in part, because we were not on the same page as parents. We had different parenting styles. We had different values for how to raise kids.
Also – he did NOT deal well with being “second”. He didn’t like it if he wanted to have sex and the baby woke up in the middle of the night. He didn’t like it if I hadn’t cooked dinner on time because I got busy with the baby. He was very jealous of the time I spent with the baby. And he was pretty involved… I traveled one night a week, so he definitely had to *do* alot of actual parenting.
It wasn’t until our daughter was 2 or 3 that he “got into it” but by then MAJOR damage was done to our relationship. I was angry and he was angry and we both felt like we let each other down. Also at 2…. if you parenting differences THIS Is when they will rear their ugly head. Discipline, punishment, techniques, styles etc…. if you are not ont he same page….. then your kid becomes a nightmare, which is turn harder to deal with as a couple.
And people will say “well he’s just selfish” But A LOT of guys are that way. They don’t get the “shift” and as women, we don’t do enough to lessen the “shift” so we just tell them to deal with it. Instead of making sure everyone’s needs get met.
In my opinion…. the BIG issues are easy to determine if you are on the same page…. and hopefully you are, or it will be a rough road. Spank or not? Bottle of b’feed? Co-sleep or CIO. Will one of you stay home? You can answer those easy.
It’s the smaller issues…. what if he has tickets to the game and the baby gets sick. Do you expect him to stay home? And why? Will he stay home or will he want to go? If he stays home will he be passive aggressive and be a nightmare to deal with all night. What if you want to go out with the girls….. will you “run that by him”? do you have to ask permission? Will he be babysitting his own kid…. or will he be an actual parent? THAT is the stuff that will ruin a marriage. You have to be on the same page with THOSE decisions as well as the biggies.
So – I would say you just need to talk about different scenarios and see how each would handle it. Make sure you are on the same page. Find out what each of you are “willing” to do now that you have a TON of extra work – division of labor. Who will go to Dr appts? Who will take off when the baby is sick?