(Closed) how do you REALLY feel about your FI having strippers (or going to a strip club)

posted 10 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 17
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think its complete crap. its sooo degrading. i dont care what anyone says about that, i could never be one. guys look down on girls for doing that anyways. my FH isnt into them, but many of his groomsmen are and i told him, NO strippers. and if he does have them, it wont be a deal breaker, BUT i will end up in vegas the next week all down the male strip clubs as it would break his little heart too. no double standards in this relationship. oh, and he also knows that if any one of his groomsman disrespects me in any way, WE (him too) will cut that POS out our our lives straight after the wedding. plain and simple.

Post # 18
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yeah, so glad hubs said that is one thing he wanted nothing to do with for his bachelor party! I just don’t like the idea of him even being around that, and lucky for me he feels the exact same way. He said it was fun when he was young, but now all’s he needs is me Laughing

Post # 19
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I am also 100% against it. I agree with you, that it is very degrading to women & I was raised with VERY strong morals. Luckily, my husband had no desire to go. His friends are totally for it, but his friends knew how I felt about it & knew that he didn’t want to go. It sucked, because his friends thought I was a party pooper…but oh well! If I’m marrying someone, I’m marrying that someone that’s right FOR ME. Not someone who WANTS SO BADLY to go to a strip club & doesn’t respect my feelings. My husband, ofcourse like any man, is attracted to women & I’m sure it would be very enjoyable for him to go, but at the same time…knowing how I feel about it & with the way his morals are, he would feel wrong doing it & would be disrespecting me.

All in all, we never had a bachelor/bachelorette party. This is because before the wedding we were stuck on saving money & my husband worked Mon – Sat busting his butt, and came straight home and slept…so there was absolutely no time. If he WANTED to have a bachelor party, though, I wouldn’t keep him from doing it…I’d just ask that whatever he does, he’s respectful. And the same goes with me…I could have had one, but all I would’ve done is go to the movies or to dinner with my girls…and that’s what I do now anyway!! ๐Ÿ™‚

But in the long run, we’re both happy with our decisions & don’t care what people think about us. You live once, and then you die. I’ve come to the point where if people think I’m being a “party pooper”, or they think I’m too much of a stickler, I don’t care..I am who I am & I’m not changing! ๐Ÿ™‚

That’s what I think about strip clubs ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 20
Member
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Fiance is against them. I’m against them. His friends, very much for them! So I totally understand your hesitancy.

In our case, the Best Man, knows that when the boys go to the club, Fiance meets them after. They know he’s not like that, and for his party they are planning on doing a boys weekend to Pittsburgh, dc, NY, or North Carolina to see a Red Wings game… depending on when what the schedule next year is…

In fact, Bridesmaid or Best Man is a radio personality with a very “dude centric” kind of show. A caller called in about 2 weeks ago and was asking what to do for a bachelor party… the reply was, “what kind of guy is he? Is he a sports fan? A guy who wants to drink and have strippers… etc” Basically, the whole gist is that it’s about YOUR guy not his buddies. If he doesn’t want strippers, and you don’t want strippers, there should be no strippers involved. It’s not your FI’s friends party, it’s HIS party… in his honor. 

The guy on the radio suggested that his friends would want strippers (which they eagerly agreed with as they love strippers and have them to the studio all the time, etc…) and Fiance texted his buddy while he was at work (I was listening in my car) “what, is that we’re doing for mine?” And our whole city heard the response. “NO, ___ is not a stripper guy, never has been, and that’s cool, he’s never come with us out, so why would we do that for his party? It’s a party about the dude, do what he likes.”

Post # 21
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I am 100% okay with them. I think its hard to draw a line between performance and smut. Would I get naked and jiggle around on stage? helllllllllllllllllllll no. But I consider it a valid choice of job, especially for the girls who use it to make money for school and what-not. I mean really its not that much worse than being a vegas showgirl or a model for how many people see you naked. I trust my Fiance completely and I know that he would never cross the line if he went to one. He doesn’t actually want to go to one because he thinks they’re stupid… but that is his choice. My ex went to them occasionally and it never bugged me. 

Post # 22
Member
10846 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m assuming he’ll probably go to a strip club which I don’t really care about (I don’t really get it, but I don’t really care) but I wouldn’t want any touching. That crosses a very distinct boundary for me. I think he would go because his friends would want to, not because he does. He’s told me a million times that I’m his dream girl and he loves coming home to me every night, so that’s what matters to me. I know he wouldn’t do something that would hurt me, so I trust him.

Post # 23
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

personally…i think it’s gross. but i also think that as long as he doesn’t normally do those things (go to strip clubs) then it’s harmless. he will come back loving you more than ever.

also…talk to HIM about it. Most guys think it’s gross too.

Post # 24
Member
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I think every woman sees it differently based on their personal experiences, beliefs, etc.

For me, it’s an absolute non-option for Fiance. It’s not that I don’t trust Fiance, but I know that I don’t want my fiance in one of those places. My reasoning is largely based on my more conservative and religious values, especially about sex. I don’t think it is appropriate for my fiance to be getting aroused by other women. To me, it would feel like a betrayal.

That said, I am lucky in that Fiance has no desire at all to go to a strip club, and even better, his best man has no desire to take him to one.

 

Post # 25
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Well I agree with you about not liking them.  I don’t think you should necessarily look to change your opinion.  Perhaps you feel like the least confrontational way to deal with this is to magically think it’s all OK and wonderful???  That way everyone gets what they want. 

But you probably won’t just change your mind.  Sooo, do you plan to talk to your Fiance, and explain how you feel?  Perhaps you can figure something out that will make you both feel better.

Post # 26
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@Gemstone: I loved reading your post. Unlike my husband’s best man, though, he LOVED going to strip club’s but he knew how I felt & respects how I felt so he didn’t push it on him.

I agree with you 100%. I don’t like the thought of my husband getting aroused by other women, either. Seeing nudity on TV is OK with me, as long as it’s tastfully done. I never like straight up strip clubs or strippers. I think they’re so degrading & disrespectful.

But, that being said, I completely respect everyone’s opinions on how they feel about situations. Like you said Gemstone, everyone’s opinions are based on personal experiences, etc.

Post # 27
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

Im very happy my husband didnt go to one.  He went on a camping, rafting trip.  It wouldn’t have been a huge deal if he ended up at one, I would have been dissapointed but it’s not like I would count it as cheating.  But I just don’t see how paying a naked lady to dance around for him or grind on him is any sort of prep for marriage.  He would have been upset if some guy danced that way with me for free with his clothes on at a club – so why would I want him to give money to do that who’s naked. 

Post # 28
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am hugely against strippers and strip clubs after my ex cheated on me with a stripper, so MrCiarrai will not be going to see strippers for his bachelor party (I think they’re going go-karting).

He doesn’t find them interesting and has no desire to see strippers because, as he says, he has me, so it hasn’t been an issue. His best man and groomsmen aren’t really stripper-type people anyway, so it’s just fine.

My bridesmaids and I are going out for a nice dinner for my bachelorette. That’s all i wanted, and then I’m going home at the end of the night to my fiance.

Post # 29
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I completely don’t care if he saw a stripper or not.  It isn’t something that I feel threatened by, as long as I don’t have to go- then I don’t care. 

I also know that for his last night as a bachelor they just went to a local brewery and closed it down.  He had my full blessing to do look and not touch and go wherever, but being a little older and having most of his friends married already, I just didn’t see a super wild night happening.  My only rule was that he not show up painfully hung over for our big day. 

Incidentally, I got the cutest drunk dial from him at 2:30 am when he got back to the hotel… unfortunately I was at home trying to get a few hours of sleep!   

I understand anyone elses’ discomfort with that type of situation, it is an personal decision whether to be comfortable with it or not. 

Post # 30
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ugh, I am so not a fan of strippers….for me, I told my girls that if any of them even think about it, I will walk out of my own party and not talk to them.  They are just slimy and creep me out.  :p 

As for my fiance, we’ve already talked about it, and he has no desire to do this before the wedding; if he wanted to go, I am secure enough to be okay with this, although I think that most strippers are absolutely nasty.  Honestly, I would entertain the thought of going to a strip club with my fiance/group of friends, but more for the laugh factor than anything else!  ๐Ÿ™‚  Def not because this is sexy, attractive, or anything else! 

Post # 31
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m not a big fan!  I am confident enough in our relationship to know nothing crazy will happen, but it just gives me the heebie jeebies lol, I cant explain it.  Fiance has told his Bridesmaid or Best Man that he doesnt want strippers on his bachelor party night out, but has learned that it is unlikely that they will listen.. apparently guys dont think it’s a bachelor party until strippers have been involved… which annoys me!  Im not annoted that they will go, but that they wont respect FI’s wishes.

The topic ‘how do you REALLY feel about your FI having strippers (or going to a strip club)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors