(Closed) How do you *really* feel about your SO watching porn?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How do you really feel about your SO watching porn?
    Doesn't bother me at all. : (300 votes)
    47 %
    It bothers me and I am open about the fact that it bothers me, but he watches it anyway. : (39 votes)
    6 %
    It bothers me but I don't say anything. I just deal with it. : (43 votes)
    7 %
    I expect my SO not to watch porn because it bothers me. : (52 votes)
    8 %
    He doesn't watch and but I wouldn't mind if he did. : (56 votes)
    9 %
    He doesn't watch and I like it that way. : (115 votes)
    18 %
    Other (pls elaborate below) : (28 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    208 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We watch it together and I watch it by myself sometimes.  If he were watching it all the time or if he seemed to rely on it, that would be a problem for me.  Otherwise, it’s just one more addition in the bedroom.  Different positions, lingerie, toys, fantasies, porn…all various ways of making things interesting I think. 

     

    What bugs you about it?  Figuring that out might make it easier to deal with.  Maybe not, I dunno!  Good luck.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5405 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I didn’t vote because nothing applies. He doesn’t watch it, and I prefer it that way. I think if he did it would likely bother me. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    290 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Frankly? I used to be a glamour nude model, so usually it’s my work he is looking at. And if it’s not I still don’t mind, I know those girls make money with every download/dvd/perchase he makes. They deserve to make a living too.

    My suggestion (I also struggled with self image disorders), is what a good friend of mine started asking me to do. I spent months doing the “tell your self, self you are pretty today” in the mirrior thing, and about 6 months in to faking how I felt, I started to believe it. And then shortly after that, I went to the local college and signed up to be model for their arts class. 

    I still have my down days, but they are much much less now.

    Post # 8
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Blue movies, soft porn, and regular porn on Canadian Late Night Cable Tv doesn’t bother me a whole lot… infact we’ve been known to tune in together.

    LIVE Ineractive Porn on the Internet and Strip Clubs where there is a “relationship” with the person taking their clothes off, strutting their stuff, showing off their bits, or giving / receiving a hand-job, oral sex, and full blown sex, DOES BOTHER ME BIG TIME.  That is in the Cheating column in my world (his too).

    So I am happy that those activities do not interest him… he often says, “I don’t get guys who do this… I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near a girl who has touched a 100 men, or had a 100 men touch her, ick”… “I’d much rather stay at home and get it on in person with the woman I love, than some false fantasy”

    Amen to that.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    275 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I can see you issue with it and I think you’re right in sharing that with him.   HOWEVER,  I’m sure it will happen on the sly… but you really aren’t being hurt by it when that happens either because you don’t know it’s happening.

    Fiance figured I wouldn’t be ok with his porn or his masturbation when he moved in.  In reality I don’t mind and would rather he take cake of business when I’m not into it.  He also can have some issues not wrapping it up… and a porn break makes it faster (sometimes it goes longer than I enjoyed)

    The only issues we’ve ever had is when he takes care of it and I would have been up for some fun and he didn’t even check in and then is too tired to be with me.

    Post # 10
    Member
    5547 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    He doesn’t and I wouldn’t be okay with it if he did. We are married to each other and to us, “forsaking all others” means the naked people in playboy too. To me, porn is cheating. I know other people don’t feel that way and if it works for them then okay. I just personally think the whole industry is bad for women because it still makes us playthings and sex-objects. But if someone else is okay with it, then that is between them and their SO. 
    ETA: I also believe that if someone’s SO isn’t okay with porn, that should be a good enough reason to not look at it. I personally think hiding it is the worst. The only things you should hide from your spouse is birthday presents.

    Post # 11
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @lilsweetie:  I’d lie if I said it did not bother me one iota. But I have insecurities in the back of my mind too, wondering why porn is necessary. BUT I also look at it too, and it helps me to think about why I’m seeking it out, and it has nothing to do with my husband or my lacking in attraction to him. Sometimes I want to look at “skills” I may not know about, but might be interested in. 

    I would be terribly bothered if our sex life was lacking and Darling Husband kept turning me down, but still got his jollies from porn. That’s sexually irresponsible, and substituting porn for your wife is a no-no that requires intervention. If it has reached this stage for you, I’d be miffed, but try to keep an open mind about why he may be looking at it. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    11272 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    my husband doesn’t but it wouldn’t bother me if he did.  we are pretty secure with ourselves and our relationship.  

    heck, i’d probably watch it with him.

    Post # 13
    Member
    290 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Ok as a for instence….just asking,  Is it okay, for you ladies to READ soft core porn like most romance books and such like, but not okay for him to WATCH porn?

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    7587 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I could care less. Watch away

    Post # 15
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I don’t mind that Fiance watches porn and in some ways I encourage it when I’m not feeling into it!! He has a higher sex drive than me and works from home. He’s home alone for sometimes 8 hours, and I’d be amazed if he didn’t watch porn in those 8 hours. I don’t mind if he does it while I’m gone, but I would mind if I was there and he was doing it in secret. That being said, I know he finds me way way way more attractive than porno chicks and it has never ever affected our sex life. 

    PS. He is also very open with what kind of porn he watches. I know if I ever asked to see the history it would be nothing out of the ordinary or all teen porn. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    334 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @chasesgirl:  I totally agree with you.

    I’m of the belief that we are choosing to devote our lives to each other, so why should I have to share him with porn.  I just wonder why the common belief is that just what guys do. Why is that ok? Also, my Fiance isn’t into it, and I like it that way.  Between the two of us, I’m the one with the higher sex drive, so he’s quite fufilled in that department and doesn’t have to look elsewhere to get his jollies.

    The topic ‘How do you *really* feel about your SO watching porn?’ is closed to new replies.

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