Post # 1
I’m a new stepmom (about 6 weeks) though the kids have known me for a while (over a year). This past Mother’s Day was my first and it was sort of weird to me. First off let me share that I love my step kids they are great and we get along well. I think it was just the newness of it all that got to me. When I mentioned to the kids that we had to go shopping for their mom for Mother’s Day they said “we’ve got to get something for you too!” That was so sweet 🙂 so their dad took them and I wasn’t allowed to go. I guess I just really realized they look at me like a mom.
Ok I say all that to say when ppl ask me if I’m a mother (this happened quite often on Mother’s Day) I’m not sure what to say. I wasn’t sure if I should simply say yes (which is sorta true) or explain I’m a stepmother (which seems a little weird).
Also Im not sure how to refer to them. Should I say my kids, our kids, my stepkids? Im most concerned about how to acknowledge them when they’re around (we have 50/50 custody) because while I don’t care what a stranger thinks I am concerned about what the kids think. I know they think of me like a mom, but if I say “my kids” am I slighting their mother? Will it make them feel strange? Or if I say my stepkids will they feel less than? I’m sure there’s no correct answer I’m just asking for thoughts or personal experiences.
Post # 3
@luvmesumhim: Whatever your comfortable with is what you should do. I personally wouldn’t call a child “mine” if it wasn’t the case (either biologically or through adoption). Some people are extremely close with their stepkids, but if the mom is still in the picture then that’s her title. I’ve seen people do both though. To each their own.
Post # 4
@luvmesumhim: I call my stepsons ‘my buddies’ or ‘the kiddos’
Post # 5
I have three biological children. I was lucky enough to have a child that was given to me through a previous marriage. Even though his father and I aren’t married anymore (We divorced due to the drugs and he really doesn’t speak to his father for the same reasons), my son and I talk alot and he is going to stand with me on my side on the day of my wedding. I call him my son because he is a part of my life.
I think that the choice is yours to make. If someone asks you, say yes, they are. Strangers don’t care if they are step or bio. I told Marshall once that he was my “bio by o’ noth o’ motho”. He laughed so hard I thought that he was going to wet himself!
Congrats on your family!! You will figure it out!
Post # 6
I think it depends a lot on the relationship between you and the children, and between the children and their biological mom.
My husband isn’t biologically my child’s father, but he’s her dad. He refers to her as “my child” or “our child” when speaking to other people, and she calls him sometimes by his name and sometimes “Daddy.” They are really close. She has never had her bio dad in her life, though, so the dynamic is very different compared to a situation where all the bio parents are involved.