(Closed) how do you remember to use your ‘argument rules’ when you’re angry?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I find that it usually just takes one person to follow the rules and remind the other about the rules in a neutral tone to get things calmed down pretty quickly. DH and I are both quick to get upset in the event of an argument, but as long as we can get to the root of the problem fast without getting too emotional it usually diffuzes fast.

Post # 17
6244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Using a code word is a fantastic suggestion!  Wonder what word Fiance and I should use…

Post # 18
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I just tell myself to think before I speak and don’t bring up the past. This has helped us a lot. However, I don’t always think before I speak. Even if we had a code word, I would have some trouble!

Post # 19
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

 Walk away!! When hubs and I go from a heated discussion to arguing, one of us walks away into another room. We then regroup, come back together in 10 or 15 minutes, and we are calm enough and collected so we can discuss instead of arguing.

This has been huge for us

Post # 20
9832 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

this thread has great advice, will definitely have to talk to my Fiance about the code word thing!

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@Miss. Flutterby:  what are the 10 steps if you don’t mind me asking?

Post # 22
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@londongal:  My FH don’t generally fight as a rule. When we do it’s more frustrations just boiling over.

We are quit good fighters when it comes down to the crunch though.

I come from a family that fights dirty. They use everything against you that you’ve ever done. Deliberately put you down by exploiting any insecurities you might have and don’t listen.

When FH and I fight we stick to the topic we are fighting about. Outside influences don’t get mentioned and we are always trying to put in perspective what it is we’re fighting about.

We also never go to bed angry. (although we don’t live together yet so that’s not in literal practise yet)

I have an explosive temper when I get angry (I am not in full control when it happens either so it’s dangerous) and I know that if I get that angry (I never have with him) that I need to walk away. He knows this.


We never sat down to make an argument etiquette. We know each other well enough and love each other enough that when we argue we don’t do it to put the other down, because we both know it will end badly if we start.

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