Post # 16
I find that it usually just takes one person to follow the rules and remind the other about the rules in a neutral tone to get things calmed down pretty quickly. DH and I are both quick to get upset in the event of an argument, but as long as we can get to the root of the problem fast without getting too emotional it usually diffuzes fast.
Post # 17
Using a code word is a fantastic suggestion! Wonder what word Fiance and I should use…
Post # 18
I just tell myself to think before I speak and don’t bring up the past. This has helped us a lot. However, I don’t always think before I speak. Even if we had a code word, I would have some trouble!
Post # 19
Walk away!! When hubs and I go from a heated discussion to arguing, one of us walks away into another room. We then regroup, come back together in 10 or 15 minutes, and we are calm enough and collected so we can discuss instead of arguing.
This has been huge for us
Post # 20
this thread has great advice, will definitely have to talk to my Fiance about the code word thing!
what are the 10 steps if you don’t mind me asking?
Post # 22
@londongal: My FH don’t generally fight as a rule. When we do it’s more frustrations just boiling over.
We are quit good fighters when it comes down to the crunch though.
I come from a family that fights dirty. They use everything against you that you’ve ever done. Deliberately put you down by exploiting any insecurities you might have and don’t listen.
When FH and I fight we stick to the topic we are fighting about. Outside influences don’t get mentioned and we are always trying to put in perspective what it is we’re fighting about.
We also never go to bed angry. (although we don’t live together yet so that’s not in literal practise yet)
I have an explosive temper when I get angry (I am not in full control when it happens either so it’s dangerous) and I know that if I get that angry (I never have with him) that I need to walk away. He knows this.
We never sat down to make an argument etiquette. We know each other well enough and love each other enough that when we argue we don’t do it to put the other down, because we both know it will end badly if we start.