(Closed) How do You respond to Advice-granting Sanctimommies?

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I just say, “Thanks, but we have decided that (this) is the best way for us” or “Thanks, but I have decided to do xyz.” People usually just have good intentions, so I try not to snap at them.

Post # 4
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee

I ignore them or change the subject, then vent later either here or to my husband if he wasn’t there, haha. People don’t realise how rude or condescending they sound half the time, or they think they are actually being helpful – and of course some people just want to feel superior. You could always say something like “Well I am up to the challenge”, but don’t put too much effort into these annoying people 😛

Post # 5
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@dreamocracy:  Yep, ignoring also works.

Post # 6
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would just say, “Oh okay” or “Oh, you’re right.” I wouldn’t respond with “Okay, thanks but we are doing x” because that opens up discussion as to who is right/wrong which will never work with a sanctimommy.

Then change the subject. Or excuse yourself and walk away.

I’m not looking forward to these tips either. I just announced to a few people and I’m getting tips from everyone, not just sanctimommies. FML.

Post # 7
Member
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Every time someone says something positive about cloth diapering, I nearly roll my eyes! I work in infant care, so I work with them regularly, and I HATE them! No way will I put myself through that!

Here’s what I do… I pretend I’m back at my first job when I was 15, being a cashier at McDonald’s. Every time I want to roll my eyes, I just smile bigger and go “Yes, of course!”

Post # 8
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Narrawallee reserve/beach & Mollymook golf club

I have only told my SO and my immediate family, but when I do come accross this I’ll just smile and nod, and if I can’t take it anymore I’ll excuse myself.

Post # 9
Hostess
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@BrandNewBride:  Isn’t that attitude about people who like cloth diapering kind of the same thing in reverse? I’m not trying to be argumentative, just really asking? Different strokes I guess… I know lots of people who do like it and choose to keep doing it. What difference does it really make to you if they like it?

Post # 10
Member
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Mrs.LemonDrop:  The main difference is that I don’t give unsolicited advice. I’ve never heard someone say “I want to cloth diaper” and gone “Oh you poor, silly thing. You are going to regret that so badly.”

I work in infant care, and not long ago a family  who was cloth diapering was considering switching to disposables.

Instead of saying “Yes, please, for the love of GOD, switch!”

I said “It’s really up to you and your wife and what works best for you. We can do whatever you decide on”

So I have opinions, but I don’t voice them unless someone says “What do you think about X”, and even then I won’t say what I really think if I’m at work!

 

Post # 11
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My boss is one of those people, she is super negative about everything, all the time. Lately I have just been telling myself “haters gonna hate!” meaning, some people are just negative, there is nothing you can do about it.

Post # 12
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I just smile, nod, and internally roll my eyes. 

Then, I call my mom and we laugh at what an absolute cow the person was. (Maybe that sounds harsh, but I’ve heard some doozies….it seems like no matter what you choose, you can’t please everyone. Oh well!)

Post # 13
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I deal with this all the time. I’ve finally realized there’s no point in arguing, because sanctimommies (or in my case, know-it-all friends without children) just don’t want to hear it. They are sure they are right. I just say, “Oh,” or, “Huh, that’s interesting,” and then try to change the subject. And then I vent to my husband/mom/sister. 

Post # 14
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m already dreading this, especially with one friend in particular. I just told her, even though she “knew” all along, and she’s already telling me how I will and won’t feel during my pregnancy. Because every person and every pregnancy is exactly the same, ya know? 😉 She does the same thing to other people too. I plan to drop hints at first then hit her with, “Look, if I’m not doing something that will harm my baby, please keep your opinion to yourself,” if she still doesn’t get it.

Post # 15
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@CookieCreamCakes:  I’d let them speak, wait a beat and then change the subject to something else. 

Although I have to say I’d have a hard time letting a comment implying I wasn’t living in the “real world” go by unchallenged.  That’s just totally obnoxious. 

Parenting is a unique and new experience to be sure but it is no more “real world” than anything anyone else is doing.  Nor does one aquire maturity or wisdom because they have passed a baby through the birth canal. 

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