Post # 1
I just got laid off and cannot afford for you to come to the wedding 🙁
In March, we asked for addresses from about 125 folks who we intended to invite to our October 2010 wedding. It was so I could send out Save the Dates – the wedding is on a Friday and I wanted to give people advance notice. These people knew they were asked for their addresses so we could invite them to our wedding.
I lost my job yesterday and my fiancé and I sat down to discuss the wedding plans. The conclusion was that we HAVE to find some way to cut costs. We already have the venue under contract (which has mandatory catering), our rings, all the décor, my dress and the officiant paid for. Flowers, DJ, and photography were all planned without contracts.
The best way for us to save money would be to cut our guest list drastically to reduce the food and beverage costs. I’ve gone through and eliminated enough people to get us to a list of around 60 people, of which 40 would be family.
The people being cut consist of friends that we aren’t close to but are in our social circle, extended family that we see once or twice per year, and his coworkers. Ultimately, those who didn’t make this new list are people that *should* have been B-list in the first place. It’s not as though we don’t care about these people, they just aren’t part of our tight circle of loved ones. We struggled over the guest list a lot in the beginning – my fiancé couldn’t bear to do the B-list thing since we “had the money” – now that we don’t, everything is back in perspective for him. The problem of course is that we already asked for addresses…
I worked really hard on my beautiful handmade STD cards and prepped them to go into the mail in April. They sit, stamped, addressed, sealed and ready to mail – on my counter. I had a gut feeling about not sending them and so I drug my feet, thinking there has to be a reason I don’t want them to go out. What a blessing! I feel alright with mailing them to our smaller guest list now, although it’s only 4.5 months out. However, I’m wondering if we need to in any way notify people of why they aren’t being invited – and hopefully avoid them feeling snubbed.
Can you please vote for the best way to handle this reduction in guests and give me some pointers?
Post # 3
if you haven’t sent them anything, then just don’t bring it up.
Post # 4
I’m so glad you didn’t send the Save-The-Date Cards yet! I would just cut the list to what you need to, but not say anything to the people who are now essentially “B-listed”. If they ask about it, just tell them you decided to have a really intimate wedding. There’s no need to mention the money issue at all.
Honestly if someone I wasn’t all that close to had asked for my address, but then never did anything with it, I would just assume they decided to keep the wedding small, it wouldn’t really bother me. If you had already sent the Save-The-Date Cards, that would be one thing, but you haven’t.
Don’t worry about it! If anyone gets butthurt about it, maybe they should have been making more of an effort to be a close friend before all this :crosses arms:
Post # 5
Aw honey don’t say anything. It’s good that you haven’t sent save the dates yet. You never know – things may change between now and October.. or they may not. Have the wedding you can afford, and if something changes down the line (say, you find another job, or win the lotto or someone gifts you money .. something!) then you can address it. You may find that you will have a little fun trying to figure out DIY and making things work for less money – sometimes challenges can have a silver lining! And the people at your wedding will be your closest 🙂
Post # 6
I wouldn’t tell people about it. I’m assuming that these people might be in contact with you enough to know that you lost your job? If so, I think they will understand that you lose your job and might need to cut the guest list because of that.
Post # 7
You don’t need to say anything. You can let a few strategic people know that you lost your job and would appreciate anyone sending openings your way. For anyone with half a brain cell, that should suffice (and it is helpful too!).
Instead, send an announcement out after the wedding. Then people are included, and anyone who was asked for their address can just think, oh, this is why.
Post # 8
I love monitajb’s suggestion of a wedding announcement afterward. That’s a perfect way to “use up” the addresses you asked for without anyone getting suspicious.
Post # 9
So sorry about your job situation. I think that not sending them a STD is completly fine! I love the idea of a wedding announcement though
Post # 10
This happened to me sort of.
Basically you better be cutting a good number of people and you should have some way to justify (aka family and wedding party only – then give some friends “wedding party” duties if you want them to come like guestbook person or usher or greeter etc) or be prepared for people to have hurt feelings and resentment. If I was cut then found out that MOST guests were still invited, I would be really pissed. I’d prefer then that you postpone.
Post # 11
^^^ This is the reaction I’m afraid of getting – people being really upset with us that they have been cut from a guest list 4.5 months ahead of the wedding. You really think that if a couple just lost one half their income and reduced their guest list by 60% of their original number, you would be angry with them?
Our very best friends were already in our wedding party – the others who are “friends” that are invited are only four additional couples. The rest is strictly family.
I guess I’m just really put off at your comment about postponing the wedding…
With this being my second layoff in 18 months, I’m just unsure of another solution than cutting the guest list. We have decided not to postpone because we are ready and WANT to get married (been together four years) and we are capable of having a smaller wedding with the contracts that have already been signed.
Post # 12
Just don’t say anything about it. People shouldn’t get mad at you… I wouldn’t! If a couple lost their job, I’d assume they’d change to only invite close friends & family. Everyone’s different thou, some people will be offended, but most won’t. & if they aren’t too close anyways, than nothing will really change. Maybe you could do a potluck reception like a month or something after your wedding? That way they could be included in celebrating & its practically free for everyone.
I really like the wedding announcement idea, maybe you can open up the sealed envelopes & put in the announcements instead, so you don’t waste a lot of stamped envelopes? & if you decide to do the potluck thing, you can send little “please join us in celebration of our marriage at our potluck reception DATE TIME LOCATION” For now I’d set the invites you aren’t sending out aside just in case something happens & you can invite them.
Post # 13
Cutting 60%? TOTALLY understandable as a guest. I was just saying if you ended up only cutting like two tables of people from your reception not everyone is understanding. People who aren’t paying for it themselves might not see it like people like us who pay their own way do. But if it’s a significant cut, plus your reason, then I think it’s fine.
We had to cut about 65% and are having a BBQ for all guests originally invited at my aunt’s house so everyone can celebrate. It’s casual but at least then we get to thank them and celebrate them like we originally wanted to.
I didn’t want to come off as snarky – what I meant was just that you have to be careful. I guess I didn’t see the 60% in the first one- that was the only worry I had that you’d just cut 10% and then people might not be as understanding.
We sent a printed thing to all guests notifying them that plans changed but that we’d have a BBQ in the summer, and then just sent invites to the new guest list.
Post # 14
Thanks for the clarification. I’d never cut a handful – we are going from 125 to 60 guests. Its a large portion. I’ve weighed a LOT of choices (if you see my other threads) on how best to cut our budget, but considering our already-sunk costs, the only true way to reduce the cost is through the catering by cutting guests 🙁 It makes me sad in the first place, but there isn’t a whole lot I can do.
We could do a big BBQ later, but with weather here, it would have to happen a good 8 months after the wedding which feels a bit strange.
Post # 15
I would just not say anything specifically but when anyone on that list (or anyone who talks to anyone on the list) asks how wedding planning is going say something about having to seriously downsize due to the layoff.
Post # 16
Oh guys… I didn’t even think about this until now…
We are both in another wedding 7 weeks before ours, it’s my fiance’s buddy (who is in our wedding too) and they are part of a very large group of guy friends which is how we ended up with the larger guest list in the first place. The guys – being guys – decided to have a joint bachelor party even though the weddings are not nearly as close in dates as they act like they are. Of course myself and the other bride are not planning to combine any of our parties, since our group of friends are n ot the same like the boys is/are (grammar much?)
So now all these people at the other wedding are going to be asking us about our wedding, which will be next – and they won’t even be invited.
I hate this. 🙁