Post # 1
where to start lol
my mother has always looked to me for everything from money to problems etc…
after her mother my grandmother passed away 14 years ago i feel like at times the roles of mother and daughter have reversed a bit. i just dont know how not to take care of her she hasent worked in almost 3 years. and i know that i get taken advantage of alot but i love her shes my best friend but i have to live my life too. shes always at my house every day and once i get married it cant be that way. i will be a wife and mother to my son as well as my FH 2 children. i dont know what shes going to do without me everyday. i have other siblings but there useless and add to the drama in her life. ive tryied to get her to date and make friends but nope shes up my ass lol and i love her but im going on 40 years old ; ( i need my own life too. she will still be a big part of my life im not moving away or anything we will still see alot of eachother but not everyday well talk everyday i love her so much im just so worried about her after me and FH move in together this coming year.
i dont know what to do ladies,
Post # 3
Congrats on your up coming marriage and let me just say what a sweet, loving daughter you are. My mother is my best friend too so I can imagine what you’re going through.
I think once you’re married she will not come visit you so frequently or at will. Somehow I see after marriage begins everyone sort of ‘feel’s the change.
But I think you need to have the ‘talk’ with your mother. I think you need to communicate to her how you feel and how you worry about her. She’s yours and you’re her best friend. I am sure she loves you just as much as you love her..or more. 🙂
Give her the chance to be a mom again. It may not be easy to start the convo.. but I think in the end that’s what’s going to help the overall situation in the healthiest way.
PLUS! you are absolutely right about living your life. She’ll always be a huge part of your heart but she is not you and you can’t llive your life for anyone else. I am so happy that you are choosing to have your own life and enjoy it. 😀
Post # 4
Having not been in this sort of situation I don’t know if I can offer much advice but I will say please don’t just drop it on your mother all at once. It isn’t fair to just stop all the support and time just because you have gotten married. When you enable someone it doesn’t just become about your needs and wants. It will be a big change for your mother as well so she will need time to adapt and you might be suprised by missig some aspects of your relationship as well.
I would start by saying no to her/cut back contact hours etc a few times and see how that goes and then slowly increase that.
I know you are probably excited to start on your new adventure but sometimes we have to take care of old parts of our life before we can move on. If you do this wrong then it could destroy the relationship with your mother which I am sure you don’t want to hapen.
Post # 5
@NekoBride: thank you so much you made me cry ; ) such kind words and good advice i will talk to her. and im trying to help her find a job God willing i hope she does that would make her feel sooo much better about her self.
Post # 6
@j_jaye: you are so right my FH is very worried about my mother’s feelings and so am i.
i would never cut her off i love her too much to ever do that to her she needs me and i need her. thank you for your kind works and advice ; ) im in tears im so worried about her i want her to be happy too and if shes not happy it makes me very sad.
Post # 7
@HisNightOwl2014: Just be the strong woman that you are and as tough as it will be for both of you (and your FI) it will be better for your mom in the long run to be more independent and to branch out. It sounds like you know what you need to do and how to do it so don’t get disheartened and if there are set backs keep strong and persist.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 8
@HisNightOwl2014: Has she ever expressed an interest in taking up a particular hobby? Maybe an art class, creative writing, or even computer skills? Maybe you could treat her to a course, which would be such a great way for her to get to meet people and create a network of friends.
It’s lovely to see that you and Fiance care so much about how to do this in a way that won’t hurt her.
Post # 9
@HisNightOwl2014: Awww shucks~~ didn’t mean to make you cry~ 😀
I’ll keep you and your mother in my prayers. Letting go is hard… whether it’s mama letting baby go or vice versa. You hang tight and don’t let it sit so heavy in your heart. I’m sure you guys will be able to talk it out. I can see she is naturally a sensible, kind mother….it’s just that she started to count on you over difficult times..and now that kinda stuck. 🙂 I hope she finds a job that makes her happy and independent again..both physically and emotionally.
a BIG bee hug for you!! XO
Post # 10
@NekoBride: aww thank you so much! your words mean so much to me thank you ladies