Post # 1
I have been a bridesmaid in 3 weddings in the past year. A friend of mine, not a super close one in my opinion, just asked me to be in her wedding. We haven’t spoken in quite some time and I randomly texted her to say hello and she responds saying she is getting married and wonders if I will be a bridesmaid and ALSO asks if I can drive to MD this weekend to get fitted for my dress.
Um…how do I politely say “thanks but no thanks”??? I know being asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man is very to important to most people, but being as though I don’t think we are that close of friends AND I’m honestly drained with being a bridesmaid, how can I put it nicely without hurting her feelings.
Someone mentioned saying I can’t afford it, but I’m just not comfortable saying that. Any other suggestions???
Post # 3
Why aren’t you comfortable saying you can’t afford it? That would be the easiest way. Another way would be to say that you wouldn’t be able to devote the time and energy needed to being a Bridesmaid or Best Man (really, all a Bridesmaid or Best Man has to do is buy a dress and show up, but she’ll probably get the hint).
Post # 4
I would go with something along the lines of I am honored you thought of me but I am taking on new responsibilities at work and I don’t feel comfortable being a part of the wedding party without giving 100%. Do you live quite a distance from her? I would play that up if you do.
As Statutorygrape said, she will probably take the hint. Beware she may take it personally.
Post # 5
yeah, i think statutorygrape is right. the easiest way to deal with it is to just say you can’t put the money/time/effort into it. i imagine that this is true, anyway, if you’ve been in 3 weddings this past year! even if that’s not the case, remember, honesty isn’t always the best policy (especially when it’s “i really don’t want to be in your wedding, and i don’t consider you a close friend, so why are you asking me anyway?!”), and it’s just better to be nice.
Post # 6
I doubt she’ll be offended. Honestly, it sounds to me like another bridesmaid backed out and she’s scrambling for plan b. Why else would she wait to ask you till the weekend of dress shopping?
Post # 7
I would say that Im too busy. have to much stuff going on right now and would rather say no now then have to back out later.
Post # 8
Thanks for all the suggestions so far.
@FallFlowers: I wondered the same thing…like why she would wait until the last minute? And if I didn’t text her would she have even asked?
I also failed to mention that she’s having a destination wedding in Mexico. I’d much rather just show up as a guest and enjoy a mini vacation.
Post # 9
I totally agree with everyone…it’s completely ok to say no, you don’t have the money, or you’re too busy at work or whatever. I told one of my old college roommates that I just couldn’t give her the time that she would need right now, so I didn’t want to be a lousy bridesmaid…so I just wanted to politely decline.
Post # 10
I have said no to being a bridesmaid before. I just said I had a lot going on in my life and I didn’t feel that I could properly be there for her as she deserved. It worked well and I didn’t feel guilty about it at all.
Post # 11
Well, if you tell her you can’t afford it, then take a trip to Mexico…hmm…
Post # 12
Just tell her that you have alot on your plate right now and you don’t want to disappoint her so it is best she ask somebody else. That is pretty much what my aunt told me when she declined…let me paste her e-mail here:
“Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials Thank you for considering me as one of the wedding parties but there are several changes that is occurring in my life most of which I am not even sure of and I don’t know where I will be come next year and I would hate that my plans interfere with such an incredible moment in your life so alas I would have to decline as one of the bridesmaid! I hold in loving vibrations that everything come together beautiful for you both with ease and grace.
Post # 13
Don’t tell her it’s for financial reasons unless it really is….to avoid the possibility of her negotiating with you about buying the dress, ect. Just a smiple: I’m flattered, but I just have too much going on right now” is perfect.
Post # 14
I agree with PPs that I would politely say how much you would love to be a part of it, but that your schedule/life changes will prevent you. If you say money is the issue, she can fix that, but she can’t change your schedule.
Snaps for you that you’re getting out of it instead of saying yes when you don’t want to. SIL asked me, and I really wanted to say no but with all my siblngs in the wedding, I felt I had to say yes, and it was awful.
Post # 15
Wait, did she actually ask you to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man via text? And honestly it sounds like you were an afterthought if it’s this last minute, maybe someone else backed out. I would be too offended to say yes b/c of both of these things and politely decline. I would CALL her and say that you are extremely flattered, but absolutely cannot make that strong a commitment at this time.
Post # 16
Thanks SO much for all the advice. I followed your advice and told her that I had too many things going on right now…which was kind of the truth and it worked out. She said she completely understood so woooo hooo for me!