Post # 1
I’ll make this the short version…
The style of our wedding is mismatch nostalgic elegance…very non-forced beauty. Our wedding will be outdoors, and I’m incorporating burlap and vintage stamping into our palette of mustard yellow and navy blue and a warm white.
All the details of the whole shebang are in my hands, BUT I did tell my bridesmaids that they could pick their own dresses. This was because again, we are going for the mismatched non-forced unique look.
So what do I do when my maid of honor tells me that she’s debating between these two pairs of shoes and wants my opinion?
I told her that they were both adorable pairs of shoes, but hands down I loved Option B the best and the textured material would go really well with everything else going on with the wedding. I told her that I wasn’t really going for bling at the wedding.
Her response = sullen silence. And then a comment about how I always dress bling and that she would expect my wedding to be glittery and glam too. Okay first off…How I dress to go to the clubs or if I gravitate towards funky accessories for everyday life doesn’t necessarily translate to my wedding. I don’t want my wedding to look like a club. I’m not going for tons of sparkles. (THIS IS NOT TO DIS CLUB-LOOKS AND SPARKLES PS).
She’s buying Option A sequined shoes. I put on a brave face and just said that they were also beautiful shoes and that they’d look great with her dress. I mean, I gave them creative license, right? Can’t take it back now…..right?
Feel free to leave comments that put me back into a normal frame of mind such as: “You are OKAY; they are only shoes.” or “You are being a brat.” or “Her shoes will be hidden by the grass anyways.” 🙂
Post # 3
could always sabotage the shoes with spraypaint and spray them that nice coloured blue and go woops n pull out option b! 😀
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
Well, they are only shoes and no one will notice but I understand your frustration…Why did she ask your opinion if she had made up her mind and didn’t want to hear what you thought? That’s what would bother me more than the actual shoes!
I think the sequined ones are really cute (although I too like the other’s better and can see how it would fit better with your wedding theme) but I don’t think this one’s worth fighting for or losing sleep over…No one will notice, I promise!!!
Post # 5
Well you gave them creative license, so I say let it go. I doubt the sparkly shoes really sparkle THAT much. I like #2 a LOT more but I do think you should just let it go cuz it won’t be noticeable or a big deal.
Post # 6
This is so passive aggressive but: you could buy Option 2 and have on hand so that when she takes a look at the wedding and feels mismatched with her shoes.. BAM. Option 2 is ready to go as a ‘gift’.
Or you could send her pictures of your inspiration just as a nice share if she hasn’t seen them and maybe she’ll realize how out of place the shoes are before the big day.
Post # 7
Unless you gave semi-specific directions to Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man like “you need blue flats made of x material” I think it’s kind of hard to tell her she can’t wear the shoes. I really doubt anyone will be paying attention to her shoes though 🙂
Post # 8
I agree with Terrier. If you gave them the go ahead to pick their own shoes, then that’s what she did. She has to wear them again. I don’t think they will be that noticeable anyway.
Post # 9
I second what TrailMix said. I don’t understand why she would bother to ask your opinion when she clearly knew she was going to choose option A, anyway. Personally, if I was in her situation and you told me that you liked option B, and explained why (like you did), I would NEVER choose option A. They’re only shoes; I wouldn’t go against my friend- the bride’s- wishes, over some stupid shoes. But that’s just me.
As far as the whole how you dress to go to clubs thing- that doesn’t always mean that’s what you would want for your wedding. (Example, I have never liked the color purple. Ever. Guess what color bridesmaid dresses I picked?- Eggplant/Dark PLUM!) 🙂
Since you gave them creative license, I’d just let her wear the sequined shoes. I doubt anyone will notice, especially since they are flats. You already stated your opinion, and she clearly doesn’t care. It’s not worth fighting with her over, and causing yourself stress.
Post # 10
I think maybe she was asking you expecting you to gush over how awesome Pair A is, and when that didn’t happen she felt awkward. Maybe in everyday life Pair A is your style? If she’s not married, then she doesn’t get it. But maybe she also thinks that Pair A are more wearable in her everyday life? We always talk about the dresses being rewearable, but what about the shoes? I think you should just let it go. She likes them, which makes her happy. And a happy Bridesmaid or Best Man is much better to have around than a sad one!
Post # 11
I’m thinking she was leaning towards option A, and when you said you weren’t going for bling at your wedding, she got a little defensive. Personally, I’m a bigger fan of option A, and option B really isn’t my style, but you did give her creative license. It’s tough to take that back now…especially after she already bought option A. I would try to let it go…no one is going to be paying attention to her anyway…they’re going to be looking at YOU :o)
Post # 12
Thanks, everyone! I think that I am not going to say one word and that everything will just work it’s way out…
Creative license should be given without strings attached, and it’s cool.
Thanks so much for the comments to help me sort out this nonsense in my head before I opened my mouth and said something totally unnecessary! 🙂
Post # 13
Well personally I like Option B, but that’s cuz I’m not fond of sequins, but as you say that you want a mismatch non-force, you should let her choose. Making her wear the one you want is kinda like forcing her no?
Post # 14
I wouldn’t stress on it. Maybe the sequined pair are like half the price of the other pair and if she can rewear them, then it’s an even bigger bang for her buck, but that’s just me guessing. She probably doesn’t even realize how it makes her look/sound by acting the way she did. I know that sometimes I’ll ask people their opinion, but then once I hear it I realize exactly what my decision is and sometimes it’s not the same choice as them.
Post # 15
You know, in the grand scheme of your love and marriage, her shoes are barely a blip on the radar. But, yes. It. would. piss. me. off.
Post # 16
Really your only option is to let it go as you told them to do their own thing. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I hardly ever notice BM’s shoes when I attend a wedding. Of course with the pictures- maybe tell the photographer to keep her feet hidden (LOL) as it will stand out a lot more in the pictures then on the actual day.