How Do You Share Finances?

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

minnewanka :  My husband and I haven’t gotten around to combining our bank accounts yet, so right now we split all the bills evenly (rent, wifi, utilities). I make around $100K depending on bonuses, and he makes about $175K depending on bonuses, so while we split the actual bills evenly he typically picks up the tab when we go out (which is a lot), covers airfare, hotels, etc. 

 

Post # 3
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee

I recommend having a co-habitation agreement drawn up that lays out the terms that you want.

I bought my condo and my then boyfriend moved in with me and we had an agreement that in the event of a break up, he would not have any legal right to the equity in the place.  I alone paid the mortgage/taxes/interest and he chipped in for utilities, monthly condo assesssments, food and entertainment.   

 

Post # 4
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

I know this isn’t what you’re asking, but I think it’s too soon for him to be talking about moving in together just because his lease is up. I realize he’s saying (now) that he’ll rent month to month so he’s not locked in for another year but as you know, these rentals can be scarcer than year term rentals. Is he hoping you’ll just say ‘why not just move in with me now?’ because this looks like the direction he’s going in. Also, if he holds out for a short term lease and can’t find one and ends up stuck July 1st, again he’ll be looking toward you telling him to move in. 

We see so many guys on the waiting boards who procrastinate long enough to cause resentment in the relationship, but also be careful the guys who move too fast. It’s great that you’re getting on so well, but you’re still in the early dating getting to know one another phase. 

As for the questions on how to manage finances, my husband and I have both shared and separate accounts. Shared for household bills, emergency/ household/ vacation savings and separate accounts of our own. We share all regular expenses and each have our own discretionary money to spend or save as we like. 

Post # 5
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

I would always recommend that each person have at least one account that is in their name only. We don’t like to go into a relationship thinking about a break up or divorce or the other person taking everything, but it happens all too often. And even if your relationship is a trustworthy, loving one it’s beneficial to have an independent account in case something unforeseen ties up a joint account (I’m not sure of the legalities in various areas if one person becomes ill or incapacitated or dies, these things are traumatic enough on their own without having your funds frozen while trying to focus on a crisis/ look after your family at the same time). 

Post # 6
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

For reference: FH is 30, I’m almost 29. He makes 2x what I make a year. We have been together a little over 2.5 years and just got engaged May 2019. We have lived together for almost 1.5 years. We just got a joint bank account in April 2019. That is our only bank account. FH transferred the money from his previous account to our shared account and I did the same.

We are doing Dave Ramsey’s 7 step method to tackle our debt. We sat down and made a detailed budget with all of our monthly bills- the expense amount and the due date. We also have our biweekly pay dates listed. We sit down at the end of each month to prepare the next month’s budget. We do not spend money outside of the set budget unless we run it by the other person.

We pay bills as they’re due with our shared bank account. We do not split bills, we pay them together. We have listed all of our debts in another spreadsheet. We both have student loan debt, car payments, I have a credit card balance. We are paying off our debts in smallest to largest order. This is what works for us. I realize some people may not do what we do. But we are 100% on the same page and it feels great.

Post # 7
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

Throughout different phases of our relationship, how we handle finances has changed. We’ve always made similar amounts.

Moving in together, we had a joint account. We each deposit the same amount into the joint from our personal to cover all expenses (rent, shared bills, groceries, etc, date nights). 

When he proposed, we changed and now deposit everything into the joint and take money when we need it. It’s the idea of what’s mine is yours. This doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for us. It took 6 years of financial trust to get here though. 

Post # 8
Member
884 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

My husband and I combined (most) of our finances when we got married. He makes nothing (dental student) and I make 100% of the money. He gets money from loans, but we obviously try to limit that amount so he’s not completely drowning in debt when he graduates.

I put 90% of my paycheck into our joint account, and he puts about 75% of his loans into our joint account each month. All bills are paid out of the joint account (rent, gas, food, insurance, etc). The money I have leftover is for whatever I want (shopping, nights out with friends, etc). He uses the rest of his money to pay off higher interest loans. The system works well for us so far, but we are only a month in so far.

ETA: We also combined debts. The only debt we brought into the marriage was both of our student loans (me at $20k, he’ll be north of $300k once he’s done with school). For us it doesn’t make sense to keep things separate, because right now I’m the huge breadwinner, but he’ll be the huge breadwinner when he graduates. It was just easier for us to combine debt.

Post # 9
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Darling Husband and I have similar base salaries, but I make a bit more with bonuses.  We kept our separate accounts and both deposit into our joint account the exact amount needed to cover our living expenses only (mortgage, utilities, groceries) We both pay our individual expenses (car payment, insurance, clothing, incidentals) from our personal accounts.  Coincidentally we both have similar amounts in savings and investments, though I stand to receive a moderate inheritance (god willing not too soon🙏).  We also split pretty evenly our together fun (travel, date nights, etc.)

We are older and more established, and we both have grown children and didn’t want to muddy the waters with what and how we would pass an estate onto them.  We just found it easier and more comfortable this way.  If we had found each other much early we might have done it different, but this works for us.

 

Post # 11
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

minnewanka :  I have to agree with other Bees here: 5 months is really really quick. But look, it seems like you’re pretty set on it so i’ll assume you’ve thought about all the pros and cons of co-habitation this early.

Fiance (33yrs) and I (29yrs) moved in together about 16 months after first dating. We were on rubbish money ($45k each, about half the average where we lived (v high COL)). We split the rent evenly, and he paid all bills, I paid all food. We did that for years until we started earning more money.

We combined out finances completely in Feb last year. So everything is combined now aside from our HECs debt (student loans in Aus, the repayments scaled to income) which are separate, a small CC in my name, and a personal loan in his. The mortgage is in both our names. The dog has both our names on his pedigree. Out main CC, the high reward black one, is in FI’s name but I have full visibility, we pay for everything on that card for the FF points. 

He earns about $100k, I earn just over $200k. 

Post # 13
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

We’re most like friend one! I think money evolves over the relationship. We are a what’s yours is mine couple. But we make enough that money isn’t an real issue. We don’t micromanage each other’s spending but neither of us have a spending problem. For us it’s import to operate as a team. For us splitting living expenses and then not sharing our assets isnt being a team. You can accomplish more together. We have monetary goals together. Wether that’s investments, real estate, retirement, vacations ect

Grant Cardone, says what’s his is hers and what’s hers is hers. I think it depends on your financial situation. But I think jointly you have more resources to grow financially and fulfill your dreams.

I could not be with a man like friend three. No idea of their financial situation, what happens in retirement or in the case of divorce if her own loving husband won’t share financial details … not my thing and really he makes over 400k and he makes her contribute $800 to household expenses. Seems petty! But also she has no idea if they have a secure future.

Post # 14
Member
39 posts
Newbee

“If he was looking at renting a room in a shared apartment in our area it would probably be about $700-800/month. One bedrooms around around $1000-1100.”

Charge him market rental rate to share your condo. Sounds like it would be between $750 and $1050, so $900? All the other background info you provided doesn’t seem relevant at this stage.

Post # 15
Member
7919 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

minnewanka :  I bought the house we live in before we got married. My (now) husband paid me rent and equally split utilities and groceries. His student and car loan were his problem. When we got married we fully combined accounts and used some gift money plus a stupid huge tax refund (ladies, remember to fix your withholdings the year you get married! Lol) to kill his debt. I make more than him. I took an extended unpaid mat leave and gave up $15k of income that year to do it. It doesn’t matter to us. We together make x amount and we make budgets and spending decisions together. 

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