(Closed) How do you slim down the guest list….

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I have discovered through all of this that the guest list is the BIGGEST issue. This is the issue that sparked all of the tension while wedding planning (thank goodness it is finally all over).

I didn’t explain the whole not bringing kids thing. It is really common for people to not have a bunch of kids at the wedding. I invited my little cousins but as for family friends with children, we made it clear by on the envelope only saying “Mr. & Mrs. so and so”. If their kids could come we addressed it as “The ______ Family”. I was worried people would RSVP with more people than intended, but it worked out. If they were mad about it, they didn’t complain about it and I’ve learned that you definitely can’t please everyone in the planning process so that works for me.

If someone were to question it we had planned to just explain that we would have loved to include all of their children but since we have such a large family, it wasn’t possible for us to add so many more people. When people realize that it is because you can’t afford it and that you aren’t just snubbing them I think they tend to stop complaining a bit more.

Post # 4
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I really don’t know of any tactful way to make that known.  It should be a given!  I do have latino family, but I don’t know them well.  So I have never heard that they have been known to just show up to a wedding.  I think you should just have your family tell everyone for you.  Word of mouth seems to be your only defense.  Good luck! 

Post # 5
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I am also from a big Hispanic family, and all my aunts/uncles/cousins have all had HUGE weddings. It just wasn’t in the budget for the sytle of wedding we wanted to have to be able to afford to invite everyone.

So, the way that we worked to prevent guests who hadn’t been invited from coming was by RSVPing online. We used weddingwire, and what the site allows you do is is actually enter the name of the guest(s.) Therefore say for example you invtited Aunt Jane & Uncle Bob, but their kids weren’t invited, you would only have their names under the RSVP list. So, when they go to RSVP they don’t have the option to include their kids b/c there is nowhere for them to add them. Also, on the site we reiterated that we wanted a smaller, intimate wedding and to please not invite additional guests.

It sounds like you have already sent out your invites however, so at this point its really only a message that can be relayed by word of mouth. Have your parents help you too, that way when family/friends call to chat, they can reiterate that the wedding is invite only.

Post # 7
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh jeez, ok, so that’s not gonna help then huh?  Sorry!  I just hope it all works out!

Post # 8
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

The way we did it was simply this…if we haven’t interacted with these people in the last say five years, they do not get an invite. 

We also are limiting it to only immediate family.  I’m sending a few invites to aunts and cousins, but not everybody I know.   T is doing the same thing.

Post # 9
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I went through and picked all the people who have not initiated contact with me in the last couple of years, decided how much i wanted to see them, and cut most of them out!

it eliminated a good 20 people or so.

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