Post # 1
How does one slim down the guest list? I mean it would be more than spectacular to have 250 guests at my wedding, but at the same time I don’t want any uninvited guests at our wedding. We made our guest list at about 150 people and 1/3 of that was children. I’ve heard that even though children get invited some of their parents don’t end up bringing them.
I mean we sent under 100 invitations, I’ve heard two sides of the story. If you invite 200 people (100 invites) 20% of the people who are actually invited won’t end up coming. On the other hand my mom tells me that even if that’s true, with a Latino family there will be like over 20% guests that show up uninvited so it will make up the difference of the people who didn’t arrive and then some. I haven’t had clear clarification if this is a true statement or not.
How do I tactfully tell my guests that I want to keep it a small intimate family affair that will be invitation only? And not too bring any other guests. I’m just trying to avoid a discussion that will lead to, “Well, I’m not going then!”.
EDIT: Honestly 250 people at my wedding would kind of overwhelm me since we don’t KNOW 250 people. I mean yes its nice and I would feel kind of sad if less than 100 people come. But having 250 people at my wedding scares me, because I know they won’t really be there because they are honored to witness my wedding they will probably just be there for the all you can eat buffet, we’re not getting any booze, so they will probably up and leave after they eat.. right?
Post # 3
I have discovered through all of this that the guest list is the BIGGEST issue. This is the issue that sparked all of the tension while wedding planning (thank goodness it is finally all over).
I didn’t explain the whole not bringing kids thing. It is really common for people to not have a bunch of kids at the wedding. I invited my little cousins but as for family friends with children, we made it clear by on the envelope only saying “Mr. & Mrs. so and so”. If their kids could come we addressed it as “The ______ Family”. I was worried people would RSVP with more people than intended, but it worked out. If they were mad about it, they didn’t complain about it and I’ve learned that you definitely can’t please everyone in the planning process so that works for me.
If someone were to question it we had planned to just explain that we would have loved to include all of their children but since we have such a large family, it wasn’t possible for us to add so many more people. When people realize that it is because you can’t afford it and that you aren’t just snubbing them I think they tend to stop complaining a bit more.
Post # 4
I really don’t know of any tactful way to make that known. It should be a given! I do have latino family, but I don’t know them well. So I have never heard that they have been known to just show up to a wedding. I think you should just have your family tell everyone for you. Word of mouth seems to be your only defense. Good luck!
Post # 5
I am also from a big Hispanic family, and all my aunts/uncles/cousins have all had HUGE weddings. It just wasn’t in the budget for the sytle of wedding we wanted to have to be able to afford to invite everyone.
So, the way that we worked to prevent guests who hadn’t been invited from coming was by RSVPing online. We used weddingwire, and what the site allows you do is is actually enter the name of the guest(s.) Therefore say for example you invtited Aunt Jane & Uncle Bob, but their kids weren’t invited, you would only have their names under the RSVP list. So, when they go to RSVP they don’t have the option to include their kids b/c there is nowhere for them to add them. Also, on the site we reiterated that we wanted a smaller, intimate wedding and to please not invite additional guests.
It sounds like you have already sent out your invites however, so at this point its really only a message that can be relayed by word of mouth. Have your parents help you too, that way when family/friends call to chat, they can reiterate that the wedding is invite only.
Post # 6
@ Jennifer_espos I remember the time when I first told my mother, aunt, and a family friend that we didn’t want any uninvited guests…. It turned into a pretty heated discussion. I think I get more flustered than anyone else. My aunt was all that would make me feel “offended’ if you told me that I couldn’t invite anybody. I was all well, you’re single you can bring a date, but that’s about it. She was the one who said that some people won’t come then.
But, I will try to spread the word again. Thanks.
@AnnieAAA I haven’t sent the Invites yet. I sent out the Save-The-Date Cards. Is it rude to change your mind and not send the formal invitation to someone who received an invite(probably yes!).
Post # 7
Oh jeez, ok, so that’s not gonna help then huh? Sorry! I just hope it all works out!
Post # 8
The way we did it was simply this…if we haven’t interacted with these people in the last say five years, they do not get an invite.
We also are limiting it to only immediate family. I’m sending a few invites to aunts and cousins, but not everybody I know. T is doing the same thing.
Post # 9
I went through and picked all the people who have not initiated contact with me in the last couple of years, decided how much i wanted to see them, and cut most of them out!
it eliminated a good 20 people or so.
Post # 10
@ bellenga I’m inviting immediate family obviously and I have had interaction with my extended family as they all live in or around the small town I live in, it’s the “overly extended family” I’m having an issue inviting… for example my mom or dad’s “cousin’s children” I mean my mom made me invite a second cousin once removed that I’ve never met before. That’s soooo awkward. How would I even recognize her at the wedding..I’m almost kinda hoping she won’t rsvp. I mean will some of the guests who I had to invite but haven’t interacted with in the past 5 years automatically just not rsvp or will they come just to be nice………..?