Post # 1
I come from a very large family and we are very traditional when it comes to celebrating the holidays. We have had the same routine for over 25 years! Now that I feel obligated to spend some of my holiday family time with my fiance’s family it’s not the same. I am miserable when I have to spend time with them for the holidays. Thanksgiving was horrible for me. They ordered dry, tough prime rib dinners from Vons! They had no mashed potatoes, green salad or ham. The only reason they had a turkey is because I made it! The women in his family DO NOT cook! The food they order or try to prepare is gross! I feel awful saying all of this because they are really great people, but they just don’t compare to my family and I can’t seem to get over it. I am dreading having to go and split my X-mas family time with them, both of our families celebrate Christmas Eve 🙁 I just want to know how most of you split your holiday time with your soon to be in-laws and if you enjoy it. If not, how do you deal with it?
Post # 3
I just want to know how most of you split your holiday time
With an axe ! Right through her shrivelled up little hear…
Ooops, Just thinking out loud
I know it’s tough honey. I’m in the same boat.
Just remember you are doing it for the man you love
Post # 4
Well, I’m pretty lucky and my Future In-Laws are friends with my parents now – so we’re pretty much doing everything together. But, there have been years where we had to do a Thanksgiving dinner on turkey day with my family, and then another dinner the next night with his parents. We’ll probably swap next year.
Also, for Christmas this year, we’ll be splitting up Christmas day – morning with my family, and the night time with his family.
Post # 5
I’m attempting it the first time this year…my family don’t celebrate Christmas, but they recognize it by having a special dinner. FI’s family goes all out. He wants me to do Christms morning with the immediate family and then brunch later with the extended family. I said I’ll go…but I feel like I’m abandoning mine even though we don’t do anything. LOL. So I feel your pain.
Post # 6
Since your inlaws don’t really seem to make that big of a deal for holidays, how about seeing if you could spend christmas day with them?
What about hosting them at your house ?
This happens everytime anyone gets married in a family. Things have to change and evolve…. eh it sucks i’m trying to make it sound better. I spent thanksgiving away from my family and he’s doing christmas eve with his fam and christmas day he’s spending at my house. next year should be a great time! yeah
Post # 7
We’re doing christmas eve/christmas day split. Both of our families are very accommodating and will juggle times when needed. Last year we did Christmas with my fam and Boxing Day with his and it worked out wonderfully – no need to rush around or feel like you are missing out.
I find the key is to plan early – I know what we’re doing by the first of December. That way everyone has time to work out the kinks!
Post # 8
i hate splitting time! we usually end up driving all over the place so we see everyone. this year we are doing christmas morning with his family and evening with my family. christmas eve plans are still not decided… the stress has officially begun.
Post # 9
Ours seems to split pretty evenly. And when I start to feel short changed I remind myself how blessed I am that both our families are in the same town as us.
Thanksgiving: We do two dinners. Usually there’s a lunch at one house and a dinner at the other. Whoever plans first gets to have us for lunch, then we eventually make our way to the other house.
Christmas is a little easier because it seems more spread out. This year, however both families picked the 26th for celebrating. His family always does dinner so mine decided on brunch/lunch. At first I felt a little bummed that I’d have to leave my family party early to go to his family’s, but then I reminded myself that my family gets together a heck of a lot more than his family. So it all just works out for us.
Post # 10
We have no problem splitting time. My family is in CA and his is in FL so we really have to choose one place or the other. We do Thanksgiving at one place and Christmas at the other, then switch the next year. It works out great!
Post # 11
@tinarenee77: We alternate years. It’s about six hours between the inlaws and my parents…so, unless we want to spend Christmas/Boxing Day in the car, we have to do it this way. Last year we spent Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas with mine. This year it’s the opposite. I won’t be celebrating Christmas with my family until January 7-8 (the 7th is my birthday, so it will be an interesting combination).
I’m struggling too, Tinarenee. It’s going to be okay though…especially if your FH is understanding. Our families celebrate very differently and I’m a bit of a Christmas nut. I’m also lucky because I do love my in laws and I’m excited to spend Christmas with my nephew!
Here’s what we do: My family is a bit over the top and my DH sees the amount of celebration and food as a bit excessive, especially combined with all the family togetherness, etc. so I make sure that he has lots of alone time to read, etc. We also go for walks by ourselves so we can have some calm time. I asked him what he needed to have a better time and then followed through. This year, I’ve asked to spend time outside, I’m taking some Christmas food from my family’s traditions so I can feel more Christmasy (and like things are normal), and we’re going to listen to carols during our festive 3 hour drive on the 24th.
I’m determined to be in good Christmas mood, but I need his help. lol The tough part is being away from my family and keeping the Christmas spirit into January so I can still be my normal Christmas-self for my family (because it’s rough for them too). You CAN do this.
This is a lot for you, but have you thought about offering to do the cooking with your FH? Would that make things better or worse? Could you guys host everyone?
Post # 12
@Italianlady: You CRACK me up.
@tinarenee77: I feel your pain. We have been alternating and I’m totally with you on the food issue. I’m spoiled by my mothers delicious Italian food and it just doesn’t seem like the holidays without it. However, I try to suck it up best I can for Fiance sake and ask my mom to save me a plate 🙂
Post # 13
My Family: Holidays are HUGE. We go all out…food, gifts, traditions, board games, hot chocolate, singing Christmas carols
His: Watches Football
Yeah so even though I think his family is great, I prefer holidays with my family. We alternate every other year. Since we did Thanksgiving with mine this year, it’s Christmas with his. Next year Thanksgiving with his Christmas with mine. Overall it works fine, but I’m always pretty bummed to go there. I try to remember to take a good book with me and convince him to do at least one typical holiday thing with me. Like on Christmas (in the tradition of my family) we’re going to go see a movie.
Post # 14
Maybe for next Thanksgiving you could offer to help cook some? Or maybe you could bring some of your favorite recipes and try to get others to help you? We are lucky in that DHs family is Jewish so we are splitting his family Thanksgiving and mine at Christmas
Post # 15
Holidays are really large with both our families, but luckily FH’s mom hosts Xmas Eve and my mom hosts Xmas day and night so we get up Xmas morning about 6 and drive from his parents the 2.5 hours to my parents to open “santa gifts” and start the festivities there.
Post # 16
christmas eve and morning at my parents’ house, christmas afternoon & night (and following day at FH’s parents’ house – they live about 2 hours apart :]