(Closed) How do you split up holidays in your family?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

My parents and in-laws live within 5 minutes of each other (and us), so major holidays we split the days up. Lunch with one, dinner with the other. We have an extended family celebration a few days before Christmas. Though things are a little different this year as DH’s family is going out of town for Christmas, so we won’t be seeing them. We are planning on taking a trip during Thanksgiving as well. Lesser holidays like July 4th, Easter, etc we tend to visit just one family or do our own thing.

Post # 3
Member
7558 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s kinda simple for us because DH’s family lives halfway around the world, and the only time we can visit them is in the summer due to DH’s work schedule. So we just spend the winter holidays with my parents and then spend significant time with his (like 3 weeks or a month) in the summer.

If both sides lived nearby though, we would probably switch it every year, so spend Thanksgiving with mine and Christmas with his, and then do the reverse the next year (although he is jewish so maybe not with the christmas lol). Thats what my parents did when I was growing up and it worked out well and was very fair, I think.

Post # 4
Member
9101 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
somethingblue222 :  From our very first year together, on Christmas day our house was like Willy Wonka’s factory: nobody ever comes in, nobody every goes out. That day was for us and our kids alone and we made no apologies. The first year or two our families were a bit miffed but we ignored it and they got over it. Then it was normal and we enjoyed 18 years of peaceful quiet Christmases. We usually got together with my family on Christmas Eve and his family the weekend before or after Christmas day. We usually host Thanksgiving for both sides so that one is easy. When the kids were little, we’d do Easter morning at home, then an early visit with one side and later visit with the other. Our families all live within an hours drive or less, so we don’t have to worry about travel. I imagine that would make it harder to coordinate.

Post # 5
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Both of our families live 20 min apart from each other, so we usually split the day. My family likes doing early afternoon celebrations for Thanksgiving and Easter, so we spend the first part of the day with them and the second part with his family. Around Christmas, due to extended family coming, my family typically don’t actually celebrate on Christmas, but on the weekend near it. So we’ll spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day around his family, typically stopping at my immediate family’s house at some point too. His side has three mini celebrations, so it ends up being a lot of running around, but we don’t mind.

With my married cousin, her ILs live 5 hours away from us, so one year they’ll spend Thanksgiving with her ILs and Christmas with us, and then alternate it each year. It’s hard for us to remember if we’ll see her Thanksgiving or Christmas each year, but everyone seems happy with that solution.

Post # 6
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

We’re 7 hrs drive from my family and about 30 minutes from his, so we def have to split holidays up.

Thanksgiving was never a big deal in my family, so I’ve spent it with his. Last year, we hosted and will continue to do so and my parents don’t mind making the drive.

For Easter, I like to be at my parents simply because I have nieces and I love dying eggs and egg hunts with them. I’ve gone alone before we were married. No idea what we’ll do now that we are married.

Christmas is a bit trickier, but we have to compromise and alternate years. One year his on Xmas Eve, Xmas, and depending on when it falls during the week, we either go to my parents before or after. and the following year, we do the opposite.

Post # 7
Member
4743 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We used to alternate each year (Thanksgiving/Christmas), but after awhile, that got exhausting since it’s 5-6 hrs to my parents and 9 or so to his (driving).

Now, we do what we want to. Every few years, we’ll visit one of the families for Christmas (especially because that lets us see our aging grandmothers), but sometimes we stay home, too. This year might be our first “alone” Christmas, since in the past his parents joined us here. We usually host Thanksgiving for whoever shows up, but his little brother asked to host this year, so we’ll make the trip this time.

Post # 8
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

So, this is fun. I have divorced parents and my in-laws to deal with.

We alternate Thanksgivings. My in-laws now live out of state as of a month ago so I don’t know what this year is going to look like. In the past, we alternated as in, we would visit my mom (my dad was always invited and joined my mom’s holiday celebrations, my parents get along still) and then eat with my in-laws and flip the next year.

Christmas was easiest. My in-laws celebrate Christmas Eve so dinner and presents with them on the 24th. Now that we have kids, we do Christmas morning at our house, my dad usually stays with us. We then have a late breakfast with my mom and my brother.

I have a feeling this year is going to be a mess because my in-laws will come down and stay with us for either one or both of the holidays eating up most of our time and that will completely ruin my mother. We shall see 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My fiances family lives in the same city as us and my family lives an 8 hour drive away. We generally spend Thanksgiving with my family and my family tries to drive up to see us once per year, usually during the summer. SO’s family celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve, so we do that with them every year and then celebrate Christmas just us and our kids on Christmas Day. 

Post # 10
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

We try to avoid festivities as much as possible lol. Unfortunately that doesn’t really work. Thanksgiving I normally see my grandma and great grandma the day before. Day of we go normally to my aunt and uncles for lunch then to one of his aunt and uncles for dinner, both have horrendous food. A couple weeks before Christmas my Mother-In-Law has her Christmas party with her and his sides of the family come over it’s like 50 people all running around. They live in a famous neighbor for Christmas lights. It’s nuts, we actually park at a school whenever we go over past 5pm the whole month of December. Christmas Eve in the morning I see my grams. We go to another of his aunts and uncles, their food is on point. Christmas morning is at DHs parents, sometimes my mom comes or we do dinner with her. Last year I was super sick so we got Thai food by ourselves . All out holidays we play by ear and those are easier to get out of

Post # 11
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Before having kids we would celebrate Christmas Eve with my family, because that’s when they did the huge dinner, then Christmas Day with his family. We would swing by my family’s if there was time for a quick bite, but most of the day would be spent with DH family. 

 

For easter we spend it with my family because his family celebrates both catholic easter and Greek easter. We then celebrate Greek easter with his family. 

 

Thanksgiving we do both families. Mine for lunch, his for dinner.

 

 

NOW that we have kids, we have done Christmas at our home bc we want to wake up in our home and it would be too much traveling with kids. Easter we still spilt, and thanksgiving is the same.

Post # 12
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

FI’s parents are divorced and so are mine and everyone is spread over three different states, so “clusterf*ck” is a good word for how the holidays go for us.

Last year we went to my dad’s for Christmas, which made my mom upset. But we only went to my dad’s for Christmas because he was upset that we didn’t go to his place for Thanksgiving. We moved a couple days before Thanksgiving, so we couldn’t manage an out-of-state trip and just went to FI’s mom’s family’s Thanksgiving. And so FI’s dad’s family wasn’t upset, we had to invite them over for dessert after Thanksgiving dinner. It was a mess.

We’ll kind of play things by ear until we have kids, but once we have kids, everyone will just have to come to us. I don’t want to deal with carting children over multiple states while everyone gets pissy at us no matter what we do. Not worth it. 

Post # 13
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

We do thanksgiving with my family and christmas with his. 4th of July is a big holiday for my family so we do that with mine and the rest of the “smaller” holidays (for us) with his- easter, etc.

Post # 14
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

It depends. My mom and most of my siblings live in the same city we live in, and my SO’s mother and sister live half an hour away. But my brother and sister-in-law live 3 hours away and sometimes host certain holidays. They always host Christmas and sometimes host Thanksgiving. 

For Christmas, we spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at my SO’s mother’s house, then we drive down to spend the rest of Christmas Day with my family. 

Our first Thanksgiving together, we did lunch at his mom’s and dinner at my mom’s house (she lives 30 min from his mom’s). This past Thanksgiving, my brother and SIL hosted Thanksgiving (they live 3 hours away) so we only did Thanksgiving at my SO’s. It was too far away to do my family’s Thanksgiving as well. And we definitely wanted to do Thanksgiving with his family because it’s just his mom and sister now, as his other sister lives across the country and his father passed away almost 2 years ago. 

The only other holiday that’s big in my family is Easter. We do breakfast with his mom and dinner with my family. Easter is usually at my mom’s house so it’s close. 

Well, there’s also Mother’s Day. It’s big for both of our mothers, but luckily since they live so close it’s easy to do both. That’s the one holiday we’re fine doing separately to celebrate both if we have to, but it’s easy enough to just split up the day instead. 

Post # 15
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

We both have split up/remarried parents, so we have 4 different groups of people to coordinate between and it SUCKS. At this point, we mostly just try and do our own thing and invite whoever wants to come. We do Thanksgiving at our house and all are welcome (usually we just get my mom & stepdad for dinner and then my dad & sister come by for dessert). Christmas eve we do brunch at his mom’s and then dinner at my dad’s. Christmas day we do at home and my mom comes. Then we see his dad and sister’s family either the weekend before or after. We do a July 4th clambake with his mom’s family. 

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