Post # 1
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
And so it has begun ..my mom is mad that I’ll be spending this Thanksgiving with my boyfriend’s family. It will be my first Thanksgiving away from my family and she’s being very immature about the whole situation.
My SO’s mom left a comment on my fb page yesterday.. “We miss you guys! So excited to have you down here for Thanksgiving!” My mom proceeds to respond with “Oh right, I forgot ..the FIRST time you won’t be here for Thanksgiving in 24 YEARS.”
Our moms have never met or even spoken, mind you! I was like ..oh, great first impression, Mom. I deleted her comment.
I proceeded to explain to her that you have to make compromises in relationships ..especially in a serious one headed for marriage. It’s only fair and she is going to have to get used to it. When you’re in a relationship, you become part of 2 families. And yes, I would much rather spend Thanksgiving with my family. I love holidays at my parents’ house and I’m sad to be missing it. But that’s part of it.
Anyway, how do you handle your families and holidays?
Let me know if I’m missing an option …
Post # 3
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
in our relationship so far its worked out that we have spent all the summer holidays with his family (memorial, 4th, labor day) and all the winter ones with mine (thanksgiving, christmas and easter). most this works out because my family is closer and its easier to drive to them on major holidays than fly to his. also my family is more centralized than his. and his family has a summer house where all the kids come and stay so its a good way to get together all at once.
i think this christmas i will have to suck it up and spend it with his family because , obviously, he wants to spend that time with his family too…
youre right, compromise is a necessary part of a grown up relationship. not having christmas with my family will be tough, but its one of the growing pains of blending families!
Post # 4
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
We spend Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with his family and Christday Day with mine. Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve and big holidays in his family so that is why we do it that way. Yes, I miss my family on those holidays, but this is the way it works for us and keeps everyone happy.
By reading your post, I am assuming your families don’t live close to each other and splitting the day would be impossible?
Post # 5
Member
3373 posts
Sugar bee
Both of our families live far away. We spend every other holiday with them.
But the sad part is that since my parents live SO far away, we only get to see them on Christmas and now they’ll only get Christmas every other year.
Your mom just needs to let go. It’ll get easier!
Post # 6
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
@arsing89: Yes, his family lives in Texas (where he is originally from) and mine lives in Missouri.
Post # 7
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
We are hoping to rotate major holidays (i.e. one year we do Thanksgiving with my family & Christmas with his, and vice versa the next year), though, now that we’ve moved this might be a bit more difficult in practice. If we lived within driving distance of both families, this is what we would do.
Post # 8
Member
3967 posts
Honey bee
Yikes. Your mother has to grow up! And realize you have, too. I currently live 100 miles from my SO’s family and 450 miles from my family. So we’re going for Christmas since I get more time off (more time for traveling) and we’re doing Thanksgiving with his family since it’s a shorter break. We’ll probably end up spending other holidays, like 4thof July either with his family or just by ourselves, since neither family has major traditions on those days. It’s just the winter holidays. My mom totally gets it. It’s a long way to travel.
Post # 9
Member
3373 posts
Sugar bee
I just saw that you’re not married yet. Before we were married we each went to our own families for holidays.
Post # 10
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
We will be doing Thanksgiving with his family, and Christmas with mine. If he doesn’t go along with that, I will do Thanksgiving with his family, and go do Christmas with mine alone. It’s that important to me!! But we have talked about it and I keep reminding him…so I think he’ll suck it up and go with me this year!
Post # 11
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
@PinkMagnolia: Yes, this is the first holiday we’ll be spending together. It’ll be a good chance for me to meet all of his extended family (they have a HUGE gathering at Thanksgiving) and we’re also planning on going to a football game while we’re down there.
We most likely won’t be spending Christmas together this year, but we’re not too far off from marriage … so my mother is getting a taste of what it will be like.
Post # 12
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Thankfully FH’s parents are not big on holidays. We try to divide them up equally but it’s extra difficult since my parents are divorced and since FH’s parents live closer we tend to spend minor holidays with them. My mom tends to get less holidays because my dad guilts me into spending them with him since I am his only child and my mother is still raising my little sister. It’s difficult but if anybody were to compain my response would be that we try to divide fairly but if they’re going to be a butt about sharing then why would we want to spend the holiday with them?
Post # 13
Member
3373 posts
Sugar bee
It’s really hard to split up holidays!!!! I’ve spent a couple of holidays crying after talking to my parents on the phone. It’s not easy and it’s hard to feel holiday spirited when your DH or FI’s family celebrates differently, eats different dishes and has other traditions that you’re not apart of yet.
Hang in there.
Post # 14
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
Everyone lives in the same town so we dgo to both families for the holidays.
Post # 15
Member
3321 posts
Sugar bee
This year, Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. Next year, Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas with mine. Unless we throw a wrench into it like we did last year and stay home for Thanksgiving and have everyone at our place for Christmas.
Post # 16
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
Our families live close together so unfortunately that means every holiday we have to drag ourselves to 3 different get togethers. (My mom, his parents, and my dad.) It’s miserable and I hate it, but if we don’t then someone throws a hissy fit.