(Closed) How do you split up holidays with your families?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How do you split up holidays with your families?

    We do every other holiday.

    We spend all holidays with my family.

    We spend all holidays with his family.

    They live close enough, so we spend them with both.

    We don't celebrate holidays with our families.

    We don't celebrate holidays, period.

    Other (explain below)

  • Post # 47
    Member
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Our very first Christmas together (only dating a couple of weeks) we were overseas so we spent it alone.  The next, I went home and so did he (5 hr. plane ride) and we met up in his hometown for New Years and that is when he proposed.  Last year (our first married holidays) we celebrated alone b/c we are still overseas. 

    It would be extremely difficult to visit both sides for the holidays since they live over 3k miles apart.  Plus his parents are divorced so there were a lot of houses (parents/grandparents) for him to visit every year and he honestly doesn’t miss it.

    My parents are still married and I had only spent holidays with them until I met DH so they are the ones that are having a hard time adjusting.

    Post # 48
    Member
    2779 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Thanksgiving and Easter are only celebrated with FI’s family, my family doesn’t celebrate them. For Christmas, his family does dinner Christmas day, mine does dinner boxing day, so we only have to worry about where we spend the morning/afternoon on christmas day. When we have kids we will be alternating christmas morning, but for now we will probably just spend it with his family.

    Post # 49
    Member
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    We alternate holidays.

    So last year, we spent Christmas with my family and Thanksgiving with his family.

    This year, we’re doing Christmas with his family and Thanksgiving with my family.

    We just switch back and forth every year.

    ETA: Our families live 11 hours apart (by car) so we can’t see them both over the same holiday with any ease.

    Post # 50
    Hostess
    11163 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    Our families are on opposite ends of California so we do every other year for the holidays. This year we are doing Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine.

    Post # 51
    Member
    646 posts
    Busy bee

    @pokie45:  Oh god. I hear you. My mom and SO arent that close, and he is resistant about coming home with me for the holidays. So Im spending Thanksgiving with him and his parents, and Christmas with my mom. Hopefully he will come with me 🙁

     

    Post # 52
    Member
    485 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    His family doesn’t really do any BIG celebrations for holidays (they sleep on thanksgiving and christmas), whereas my family does it huge so we spend them with mine. We invite his family to my family’s celebrations – sometimes they come, sometimes no.

    Post # 53
    Member
    11324 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    My parents live 2 hours away, DH’s dad/step mom live 3 hours away, and DH’s mom lives a plane ride away. So far I have been pretty lucky because I have always gotten to spend the holidays with my family. My DH never went home to either of his parents for Thanksgiving because he doesn’t consider it an important holiday (and I guess neither do his parents becuase they never complained or ask him to come) so that has always been spent with my family. His dad’s family does a big extended family Christmas 1-2 weeks before Christmas every year so we go to that and it doesn’t conflict with anything else. In the 5 Christmases that we’ve been together I’ve always gone to my family’s house and he’s come to my family’s house three times and gone to his mom’s house twice. I didn’t go with him then because both times were before we were engaged and I really wanted to be with my family. 

    But, now we are married and decided (ok ok he strongly suggested and I had to agree haha) that we will alternate Christmases between my family and his mom. This year will be my first Christmas away from my family in 29 years and I am really bummed about it, to be honest. I think it will be harder for me than for my DH because he always went back and forth between divorced parents and things were never consistent. I’ve done the same thing every year for the last 28 years so it will be WEIRD. But, I know it is the right thing to do. My mom was really bummed about it, but she understands that over all she is super lucky that she gets us every Thanksgiving and every other Christmas, and also lives close enough she sees us every month or two otherwise. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    4044 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Honestly I wish we had never started celebrating together. For the first few years we did them separately. Now generally his parents don’t celebrate Xmas and have mostly girn up thanksgiving, and they don’t celebrate Easter. But no matter what we do, the other side of the family gives us hell for it. Evenif his parents don’t celebrate Xmas they are still angry and inconsolable that we go to my family’s place.

    So, while we try to alternate, we should have NEVER started celebrating together. Worst idea ever!

    Post # 55
    Member
    11533 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    When DH and I met, we lived in different states, and neither of us lived near our parents. Now that we are married and living in DH’s town, we obviously still don’t live close to either DH’s parents or mine. However, miraculously, DH and I discovered when we first began dating that our parents actually live within a half hour of each other!

    This is a HUGE blessing! Our holidays are always complicated by the custody schedule for DH’s younger two children, who must split their holidays evenly between their parent.  So, when DH and I have custody of the children during the holidays, we travel to visit both of our parents. 

    Post # 56
    Member
    687 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @PinkMagnolia:  Thank you for voicing that! I am already dreading the holidays. I LOVE my SO’s extended family but I don’t feel a part of their traditions, and since his extended family all lives here they guilt him into going to all their events. Glad to know I’m not alone in this struggle.

    Post # 57
    Member
    11375 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    We have been doing Thanksgiving at BOTH parents houses & yes its alot of food! We go to his mamaw’s house (with his mom, ect. there) for a couple of hours. Then we go to my moms for the rest of the day. It works out so well because his mamaw serves her Thanksgiving dinner early (around 1pm) then my mom serves hers around 6pm.

    It takes us 30 minutes to get to his mamaws, then an hour to get to my moms.

    We spend Christmas Eve at my mom’s because they have always opened presents on that day. Then Christmas day at his mom’s.

    Post # 58
    Member
    97 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    What we do is have double holidays kind of like for thanksgiving they have a early lunch so we go to his moms for early lunch thanksgiving and dinner at my house. We spend equal time with both or they plan around like my parents get xmas eve and his mas day.

    Post # 59
    Member
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    We live far away from both our families, but we can visit DH’s a bit easier, as we live in the same country, we spend on average, excluding Easter about 14 days with them a year, but because to visit my family requires at least a flight with at LEAST one flight change-  so when we go, we go for a full two weeks.  Easter is a big thing in Greece, so the InLaws get that anyway.  So apart from this year when I won’t be able to travel, we’ll be spending Easter with DH’s family, and then Christmas and New Year with my family. The ILs are not happy about this, as they want us to be with them for every holiday, and “If my parents want so much they can come too”.  We guilt them with the fact my grandparents can’t travel and missed our wedding for that reason, and that they have much easier access to us anyway, also that I want to see MY family as well, and Christmas is the only time we can travel.

    Post # 60
    Member
    1302 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’m Jewish and my husband is secular with a Christian background.  So, my parents host Passover and his mom hosts Christmas Eve dinner.  The only contentious holiday is Thanksgiving.  We both have pretty small families, so for the past two years we have just combined everyone.  The first year was at my parents’ house, and the second year was at my MIL’s.

    My cousin- and unce-IL live about 2 hours from my MIL’s house in the opposite direction from my parents.  This year we are “supposed” to go to my mom’s again, but we might do it at my MIL’s or even at our place because it is a more central location for everyone.

    Post # 61
    Member
    1098 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    We live 20-30 minutes away from our parent’s homes but we spend holidays with our own respective families. I don’t know how things will go when we are married but I’m fine with how we do things now. I was raised with the idea that holidays are for families, not friends or SO’s, plus I’m not really into the holidays so I don’t really care to make a big deal out of them. 

    Honestly I would be happy to keep it this way ever after we are married, my mom always cooks a lot and we always drink a lot on holidays. His family is Mormon so obviously no drinking and apparently his family just ordered take-out last year for Thanksgiving which doesn’t sound all that great to me.

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