(Closed) How do you split up holidays with your families?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How do you split up holidays with your families?

    We do every other holiday.

    We spend all holidays with my family.

    We spend all holidays with his family.

    They live close enough, so we spend them with both.

    We don't celebrate holidays with our families.

    We don't celebrate holidays, period.

    Other (explain below)

  • Post # 62
    Member
    461 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    The first year my FH and I were together was the hardest year we had to endure with my family because of holidays. By the time THanksgiving had rolled around, we had been together for three months but we were already living together and knew pretty much that we were going to be together forever. I work retail and therefore, thanksgiving is a very busy time for me. I am lucky to get a day off during that weekend. FH had just switched jobs and he wasn’t going to get much time off. His family lived less than half an hour from us, mine over three hours. Logical choice that thanksgiving? his family and we’d go see mine the next weekend. Well, that just wasn’t good enough for my family. My sister basically stopped talking to me for a year because I didn’t go to that Thanksgiving, mind you I had missed this holiday before.

    But things are better now. Everyone in both families just has to realize we won’t be there for everything. Thanksgiving night we usually hang out at his family and we try to make it to mine for the day after depending on work. Christmas we usually do christmas eve one year at one place and christmas day at the other and then switch. We hate the traveling but it’s a requirement for the holidays.

    Once we have kids though, things will change. I will not be traveling all around with little ones like that. He and I can barely stand it. Everyone will just have to come to us. Haha.

    But I really like the idea of one year his family, one year my family, one year just us. I am going to have to let FH know about that. He’ll of course break down and say we have to go do the family stuff. I do love him for that.

    Post # 63
    Hostess
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think about this every holiday.  I am thankful our parents live only 40 minutes apart.  We get to split our time each holiday between the two.  Last Thanksgiving I actually cooked dinner and had both of our families over.  And, should we ever move from the area, the situation will be the same.  We’ll have to come home for the holidays & will still be able to split up our time the way we do now. I couldn’t imagine having to choose where to spend a holiday.  Our families celebrate so much differently, and each house/party is special in its own way.

    Post # 64
    Member
    727 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    We will be spending all Thanksgivings with with my family, as my FI’s family lives in Ireland and doesn’t celebrate. As for the rest of the Holidays, they’ll mostly all be with my family as well I guess, since plane tickets to Ireland around the holidays are really expensive. (We’re going to be living in Chicago, which is where my family lives.)

    Post # 65
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Your Mom is being childish and now would be a good time to put her check. She needs to realize that you are grownup and things are changing.I would have a serious talk with her, perhaps ask her when she started hosting her holidays, or when she stop going to her parents every year? Realize that she done it, your Dad probably done it, will make her see how childish she is being.

    As for us we spent Thanksgiving, Christmas apart this year. It just made sense because are long distance. Then we spent new years together. It’s going to depend year by year. But my family does a quiet Christmas, and big Thanksgiving and New Years Eve.

    It’s also complicated by the fact that I will be moving so we be closer to his familys and so the holidays will be one of the few times I get to see mine. I suspect it’s something we be working on for a while.

    Post # 66
    Member
    3245 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    It’s kind of complicated. . . my parents (mom especially) don’t like my SO much. . . it’s very immature and unreasonable and makes things hard. Anyway, in the past we have either split up for holidays (which we hate) or had one family celebrate the holiday on a different day. My SO will go to holidays that my mom’s extended family hosts, and that is always fun, but my parents have never invited him to a holiday just at their house (because it’s always just been my parents and me for these sorts of things). That sucks. We always go to his immediate family’s celebrations together, because they like me.

    I would like to alternate, bu it’s so hard– even if my mom liked him more, it would still be hard because inevitably there would be some whining on the part of the family that didn’t get us for that holiday! Maybe when we have kids, we will make the grandparents come to OUR house if they want to see us on a holiday! 😛

    Post # 67
    Member
    1357 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We split up Thanksgiving and Christmas and spend the other holidays just us.

    However, when I don’t get to see my family for one or the other, I usually end up traveling to see them belatedly. I’ll go see my parents and brother, and we’ll have “re-Christmas” complete with gift exchanges, egg nog, and holiday movies and “re-Thanksgiving” complete with Turkey. Who says you have to celebrate on the day of the actual holiday? Plus that way, I get to have two Thanksgivings and two Christmases.

    Post # 68
    Member
    265 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Our families are on opposite sides of the country, and we’re in the Midwest. I’ve spent almost all of the Christmases since we’ve been dating at his family’s, largely because I get depressed at home over the holidays (long dysfunctional story). The only other holidays that we sometimes visit for are Thanksgiving and the 4th of July. Recently, I’ve been visiting my brother for Thanksgiving, and my SO has come with me once for that. He’s usually with his family for the 4th, sometimes I go with him.

    ETA: I don’t think my family is crazy about the fact that I’m not home for Christmas. However, they’ve never given me a hard time about it, and I think it ultimately makes things easier for everyone involved.

    Post # 69
    Member
    785 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    How timely, we were just talking about this.  We are taking turns with Thanksgiving and then spending Christmas Eve with my family and then flying back Christmas morning to spend Christmas day with his family.  NOT IDEAL.  I’d rather take turns with Christmas too so we aren’t burned out with travel but his mom threw a huge guilt trip at him.  Said that he can never ever miss a single Christmas.  We live close to his family and see them all the freaking time, I wish she’d learn to share. :/

    When we have kids I think we’ll have to revisit this issue and tell his mom that we can’t do every single Christmas day with her since my family is a two hour flight away.

    Post # 70
    Member
    6111 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We do not live near either family.  They are all a plane ride away.

     

    Yet for the past 5 yeras we have been flying home to BOTH families during the holidays.  His family gets the actual Christmas day, while my family has their holiday dinner/tree in early January (we call it Faux CHristmas).  Cheaper tickets then.

     

    Flying twice within a 4 week period?  It’s exhausting.  I want to make new traditions.

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