(Closed) How do you split up the house work?

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

My FH and i have different ideas of what is clean…he hates to hang/fold laundry, he hates to clean, he likes to cook, etc… so to compromise, a two hour long conversation led to a compromise that distributed the work fairly evenly coinciding with what one doesn’t mind doing vs. hating doing… (i.e., whoever cooks, the other does dishes and cleans up, etc… he starts laundry, i finish it…)

 and i did tell him… if you bring home ALL the bacon, i’ll make sure your home is clean, presentable, and that you are fed and happy… until then, we distribute responsibilities evenly! 🙂

 RelentlessBride

Post # 4
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2007

My husband and I pretty much split all our chores. Luckily, things he hates to do, I don’t mind… and things I hate to do, he doesn’t mind For example, he does the laundry, but I always fold and put it away. I’ll do all the dusting and windex-ing, but he vacuumes. In regards to cooking and the clean up afterwards, we switch around… but I do more of the cleaning up because I don’t like the way he does it

Post # 5
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We try to be fair. There are some things he won’t do- laundry and some things I won’t do- dishes. Then we pretty much work together on everything else. Unless someone has a busy week and the other picks up more of the slack.

Post # 6
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2005 - Westside Loft, New York

i do most everything, but i don’t mind.  mr. bee does so much for weddingbee, so i think it’s a fair trade!

Post # 7
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I am not working right now, so I do all of the housework.  We cook together every night, though.  We enjoy that time together.  When I was working (and when I get another job), we split.  He does vacuuming, we do laundry and dishes together.  We mostly split the dog taking out, but I admit that I often push that onto him (it’s cold outside, dammit!).  I resisted at first to doing it all but it really is my job when he is bringing home the bread.  Now I don’t mind.

Post # 8
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I have a much longer commute than he does, plus he actually really likes to cook, so he does most of the grocery shopping and also makes dinner and breakfast.  Cleanup in the kitchen is usually shared, unless I’m doing some other kind of household chore while he cleans up and does the dishes.  I do most of the laundry, because he would literally let it sit until he had no clean clothes left.  And I generally clean the bathrooms, just because I think they need cleaned before he does.  When we do bigger cleaning things – tidying and vacuuming the whole house, or doing the wood floors – we both work together.  That kind of thing is usually a weekend morning or afternoon project.  He also does most of the stuff that requires some brawn (moving furniture, toting boxes up to the attic) while I take care of the details that he wouldn’t notice for months, like replacing burned out light bulbs.

We also generally share the yard tasks pretty evenly, although he prefers to do the things like mowing and edging, and I pull weeds and plant things.

Post # 9
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - Majestic Colonial Resort, Punta Cana

I definitely clean more but that’s just because I’m like that. When we were dating, we had a huge fight about cooking because he’d cook me a meal and I’d hover, offering suggestions (he called it being a bossy-boss). I come from a home where my mom did ALL the cooking so I felt really weird having him in the kitchen. I’ve since smartened up though. 😉

Post # 10
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

When we first moved in together (before we were engaged) I felt like I was doing an unfair amount of the housework

When we first moved in together (before we were even
engaged) the division of household labor wasn’t exactly equal or fair (with meseeming to bear the brunt of it).  It didn’t help that he worked nights, and I wasn’t around during the day to ‘remind’ him of stuff that needed to be done.

But then he found this site called http://www.chorewars.com. It’s based on theidea of role playing games (which guys seem to like) and you gain ‘experience points’ for completing chores.  You customize the chores, their value, and rewards to your specific needs.  (I think it’s mostly geared towards roommates, but it works for us).

I wouldn’t say that we now share chores equally (I’m ahead 6167 XP to 5454 XP), but it certainly made him aware of just how much I do.  Also, because you can build rewards into the system (like a free dinner, a gift, etc) I was rewarded for all my hard work and felt like my contributions were more appreciated.

We used Chore Wars routinely throughout the first year we lived together (Aug07-Aug 08), but in the run-up to our wedding (Sept 08) and in the months since, we haven’t been keeping up with it as much.

However, we don’t really need to.  We developed our patterns (of him
contributing significantly to chores) and settled into the tasks we’re best at/most comfortable with and there is very little conflict as a result.
 

Post # 11
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018 - LDS Seattle Temple & Hotel 1000

I’m the stay at home wife so I do it all. Sometimes when I have to wake up early int he morning and go outside in the cold to take the trash out I grumble, but then I write blog posts for WB all day while he goes to work so I really shouldn’t complain.

Post # 12
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2009

It is very important to designate a specific time to do chores. When you both know you will be spending four hours every Saturday doing housework of some type, it motivates you to act as a team in order to get things accomplished. When you both acknowledge that cleaning up after dinner comes before television, it will motivate you both to help each other….

Post # 13
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

We also pretty much just chip in when we can. We don’t split up the jobs into "his" and "hers." 😉 Laundry, cooking/dishes, etc is all shared. Naturally there are some things that he typically does, like clean the kitchen and vacuum (which I hate doing); and I typically do the "picking up" and bathroom (which he hates doing). But if he’s busy and the kitchen is dirty, I clean it. And if I’m busy and the house is a mess, he picks up.

Man, I love my husband. I’m so lucky.

Post # 14
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Harbison Chapel & The Maple Lane Farm

We share most of the household duties.  At first My Fiance wasn’t too into cooking, but how he’s really into making meals with reduced sauces for hours – yum! so meals are more of a shared responsibility now. I mostly do the laundry, because he really hates it and rarely can bring himself to do it, and he always cleans the bathroom, because I don’t like to!  I’m also the one that keeps the house stocked with supplies, but we both will do grocery runs, and we both try our best to keep the place clean in general.  We never really talked about splitting duties, but I think we have a pretty good balance going so far!

Post # 15
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I love that chore wars idea! Oh, how that would have helped when I had roommates! My Fiance straight up doesn’t see a mess until he sees me cleaning it up. Then he feels guilty and tries to help, which is nice but somehow even more irritating. Either that or he deliberately tries to distract me from cleaning. Even so, I probably do about 75% of the housework. I’d definately be kicking butt in the war.

Post # 16
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018 - LDS Seattle Temple & Hotel 1000

rocychicklet thanks for the tip about chore wars! It’s a great idea and we’ll definitely be instituting it in our house when we have kids old enough to do chores one day.

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