Post # 1
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
Really…how do you? When you can’t un-know all the things you know about the timing of your ovulation, when to time BD’ing, signs of ovulation, signs of pregnancy, all the acronyms dpo…bfn…bfp…cm…bb…tww…being obsessesed with online calculators and noticing every little change in temperature and every twinge of ‘something’…being equally addicted to and sick of peeing on sticks…taking pills and creams and supplements and constantly trying the next thing to make it happen…but month after month you are disappointed either by BFN’s or losses……when it’s all you think about…
How are you ever supposed to ‘relax’ and let it happen??? Is that even possible?
Post # 2
Hostess
11051 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Sunshine09 : I hear you. I’ve tried all the different approaches like you say from POAS, taking my temperature and then there’s the symptom spoting to not thinking about it and trying the ‘letting it happen’. We’re 3 years down the line from starting our TTC journey and I’m currently getting comfort from Pinterest in the hope I will get to look at it for real at some point very soon. Good luck in your journey and hope it’s not too long.
Post # 3
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
Wine + sushi + unpasteurized cheese.
Post # 4
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee
Mrs. Meowerson : Didn’t I see on another thread that you’re on your second month of trying? I imagine that infertility and/or months and months of trying is a whole different ballgame than your first month not working….
Post # 5
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee
Sunshine09 : I’m sorry, bee. I don’t have any good advice or insight for you, except to say I hope you get pregnant with your take home baby very soon. Hang in there!
Post # 6
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
MrsAKSkier : Thank you. In all fairness, I have a child but it’s secondary infertility we are struggling with – a year of trying with 2 losses and bfn’s and no success yet.
Mrs. Meowerson : I think anyone who wants it really badly and is feeling frustrated has a right to chime in. 😉
Post # 7
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
Stop trying. Don’t chart, don’t temp, don’t OPK. Just enjoy your husband and BD when you want. BD a lot because you want to, not because it’s “time”. We have way too many tools at our disposal now, I feel like TTC (especially when it’s not going well) is too stressful and there is too much information available. There is information overload. Go cold turkey and stop doing all of the tracking. This is going to sound cliche, but both times I became pregnant (with over a year TTC each time) was after we stopped “trying” and just enjoyed life. Not saying that will work and be the silver bullet, but if you are getting crazy it is probably worth taking a break for a little while until you don’t feel so attached to the tools and tracking which are making you crazy. Good luck!
Post # 8
Member
7464 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Sunshine09 : I don’t relax. I get frustrated and then remember it’s out of my control so I might as well have a glass of wine. I’ll be honest that I get pretty testy with people that tell me it will happen when I “relax” or “stop trying”. My ability to relax or not has zero bearing on my husband’s sperm count!
Post # 9
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
It’s frustrating 🙁 this is our first month not using opks and I highly recommend it. It was so less stressful and we just bd EOD from the end of my period til cd16. We had good coverage, so I’m at peace that I did my best. Maybe my best won’t be enough this month, but at least I’m not stressed and control freak-ing out.
Post # 10
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
Sunshine09 : thank you 🙂
MrsAKSkier : was trying to provide some levity and positive support, nothing more.
Post # 11
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee
Mrs. Meowerson : Ok. We’d better add strong espresso, super hot saunas, steam rooms and hot tubs, “special” brownies, scuba diving, sky diving and ski racing to the list!
Post # 12
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
Honestly? I’ve had to take some time to accept that it may not happen. Of course I’m praying, and hoping, and charting, and counting days… but I realize there is a chance it’s not in the cards for me. That being said—a stressed out person doesn’t always ovulate and have their cycle ‘normal’ because the stress (for me anyway) shifts my cycle around. So I have to try to stay as anti anxious as I can. As much as it’s not what anyone wants to hear….I really have just come to know that my chances are not as good as others, and I need to enjoy my time with my husband and not spend it worrying or thinking about pregnancy. (like when posters want to be engaged so badly they don’t appreciate some date nights because it wasn’t a proposal? You want to enjoy the here and now—because each day only happens once).
If it doesn’t happen, I try to think of other things that excite me—like…travelling and other adventures that would be challenging with babies.
Post # 13
Member
1492 posts
Bumble bee
Sunshine09 : First of all, I’m sorry bee, I sympathize. I tried for a year after my first pregnancy which was a miscarriage. I get the feeling that with every passing month it feels more and more like it will never happen.
I would suggest you don’t feel like you HAVE to “stay sane”. You feel what you feel and nothing you have said about your feelings sounds at all abnormal. If your friends and husband are tired of hearing about it, you know you can come here and plenty of other forums to vent as hard and as often as you want.
Post # 14
Member
9123 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
you avoid google, facebook, and take one day at a time.
i found journaling helped me also.
my son is 4 months old today after a 2 year journey with infertility and many rounds of IUI and IVF.
Post # 15
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
Honestly, I changed my goal. After 6,7,8 months of trying I was no longer “trying” for a baby each month. Yes, I was still timing BD, etc. etc. but in my mind I was just pushing through one more month until I could get help. The focus was no longer to get pregnant this month. The focus became make it one more month until I can see a doctor. It still hurt when AF would come, but it helped A LOT to know that despite the BFN I was ONE MONTH CLOSER TO HELP. I’m now doing IUIs & given the low success rate my goal each month is not “please please let me pregnant.” The goal I focus on is one month closer to IVF. This way you’re counting down (toward treatment) instead of counting up (# of months trying with no THB).
Member