(Closed) how do you stay “you” during wedding preparations? feeling lost

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@greenmachine838:  I’d been all gung-ho about working out, and I’d done pretty well, but then life got in the way and I was sick for 2 weeks.

I’ve realized that yes, I want to work out to be fit/healthy/strong, but not to shrink x sizes down. I want to be me (healthy me) on our big day. My makeup will be my usual, just a little extra so it photographs well. I’m only spending about $50 for my hair (that’s average for an ‘up do’ here).

I want to be the best version of me, but not a ‘new’ or unrecognizable me. He’s loved me for the last 8 years as-is, he’s not expecting a shiny new model of me to walk down the aisle πŸ™‚

Post # 4
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yeah, I know what you mean.  I wasn’t feeling pressure for the first part of our engagement and wedding planning.  But for some reason in December it “hit me”, and I started feeling more stress.  Not every day, but I have moments where I catch myself forgetting what this is all about.  When it happens, I try to let go, and remind myself that some details just don’t matter.  The important thing is that I am marrying the love of my life.   (But it’s hard sometimes to keep focussed on what is really important when there is so much to do and so much pressure about how the bride should look.)

Post # 5
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I wanted to look like myself. At first I thought about an ultra-diet and working out, but I’m a size 8, which wedding dress shopping helped me to realise is a good size. My face was done by a friend who I told I wanted *very* natural makeup. I did my own hair the morning of. I wanted to look awesome, for me. It was a lot less stress than trying to look perfect. 

normal me

wedding me

Post # 6
1761 posts
Buzzing bee

I definitely understand! I thought I wanted to lose a lot of weight. There were times earlier in my engagement when I got really stressed and tried really hard and got way down, but I couldn’t maintain it. I wasn’t happy in day-to-day life either for worrying about it. Then I realized that really I want to look like me at my average best. It helps that I bought my dress at my high average and it fit pretty well but may have been a bit tight (I bought it off the rack). I have always worked out and eaten pretty healthy, though I wander off and gain 10 pounds now and then (who doesn’t?).So I took a step back and started acting like my normal healthy self (I have a normal lazy self!) I’m now toward the low end of my normal weight range, my dress fits perfectly, and I know I look the best I can look while being my normal happy, healthy self. Having the dress fit now means I have to not lose any more weight or it’ll fall off! This is helping me not go too crazy with the diet and exercise thing.

I’m doing my own hair, but I’m having someone else do my makeup. I am really self-critical and I know I would look back at the pictures later and hate whatever I ended up doing, haha. Also, my friend knew I was stressing out about it and said he’d pay for it for me.

It’s really hard not to get caught up in the wedding mania of this era. Already we’re expected to try to be model-perfect in normal life, and the wedding day we are the center of attention, so the pressure is much greater. I think you can safely relax. You are beautiful as you are. Your Fiance and your family and friends love you. They won’t care what you weigh on your wedding day because they’ll be concentrating on how happy you are and how much fun they’re having!


Post # 7
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I totally know what you mean. Shortly after Fiance and I got engaged I pretty much threw any plans of losing weight out the window – no, I’m not some super skinny girl, I could of worked to slim down from my size 10 dress, but I’m also not really overweight and I did not want to spend such a special time obsessing over my size and feeling like my appearance is not good enough. There’s no rule saying you must work out – just don’t worry about it – find a dress that flatters your body just the way it is, avoid the workout threads, and don’t stress.

As far as the hair and makeup goes, the only reason I had mine done was because whenever I do my own hair or makeup it wears off and falls out incredibly fast, so I had my makeup done very similar to the way I do it, but airbrushed and done professionally so that I knew it would stay on all day.


I think I looked like my normal self with fancy Taylor Swift/Love Story inspired hair on my wedding day (I considered wearing it down, but…I <3 that hairstyle!)


Post # 8
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Maybe it’s cheesy, but I’m not stressed because I’m just happy to be getting married. I am eating healthy and exercising, but I’m doing it to feel better and be healthy, not the wedding. At the end of the day I get to marry the man of my dreams. People say I’m an easy bride, so I hope I stay that way πŸ™‚

Post # 9
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@greenmachine838:  Tell me about it!  I have been going to the gym Mon thru Fri for 2 1/2 to 3 hours.  Luckily I have always been in shape, but now I feel the need to go crazy.  I went on a second makeup and hair trial, which cost me $136 (not including tip) and I booked her because I refuse to spend hundreds of dollars on trials alone… Plus I was satisfied with the way I looked.  My wedding day hair and makeup will be $300!  (Not including tip) 

I am so nervous that I will not like the way I look on my wedding day.  I’ve been doing my makeup for years, and going on these two trials, I can notice my makeup looks different than usual.  Then I start to worry that people will be like wow she doesn’t look like herself.

I don’t think I ever will relax.  However, today’s my birthday and I refuse to work out and I am eating all the cake and cookies I want. Tongue Out  The gym can wait until Monday.  Wink

Post # 10
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

A coworker sent this to me today, and I thought it would perfect to share in this thread!


 Do you love yourself?

By Lousie Hay


I have found that there is only one thing that heals every problem, and that is: to love yourself. When people start to love themselves more each day, it’s amazing how their lives get better. They feel better. They get the jobs they want. They have the money they need. Their relationships either improve, or the negative ones dissolve and new ones begin.

Loving yourself is a wonderful adventure; it’s like learning to fly. Imagine if we all had the power to fly at will? How exciting it would be! Let’s begin to love ourselves now.

Here are 12 Commandments to help you learn how to love yourself:

Stop All Criticism.
Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Forgive Yourself.
Let the past go. You did the best you could at the time with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that you had. Now you are growing and changing, and you will live life differently.

Don’t Scare Yourself.
Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure, and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle and Kind and Patient.
Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

Be Kind to Your Mind.
Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

Praise Yourself.
Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

Support Yourself.
Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

Be Loving to Your Negatives.
Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So lovingly release the old negative patterns.

Take Care of Your Body.
Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need in order to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise do you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

Do Mirror Work.
Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself while looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents while looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day, say, “I love you, I really love you!”

Love Yourself… Do It Now.
Don’t wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or find the new relationship. Begin now-and do the best you can.

Have Fun.
Remember the things that gave you joy as a child. Incorporate them into your life now. Find a way to have fun with everything you do. Let yourself express the joy of living. Smile. Laugh. Rejoice, and the Universe rejoices with you!

Post # 11
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I feel that way about the fitness, too. I had been working really hard to lose weight before we got engaged so I’m just sticking with that. I’m setting goals for myself as I would have before. I agree that it is inevitable to gain weight if you abstain from LIFE before you get married!

Personally, though, I am getting glammed up! In my mind, it’s OK to do hair and make-up in a fancy way to match my fancy dress! Nothing too drastic, just a bit more eye make-up and an updo!

Post # 13
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Also, I must say, I think the aisle and the white dress deaden the guys’ perception a bit. I’m fairly certain I could’ve not done my hair, and worn everyday makeup, and my Darling Husband would have still been in awe. They love us, so they must think we’re attractive as is. I think all they see during the wedding is, “Hey, that dress is nice… OMG she’s about to be my wife!”

Post # 14
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Aww, that made me tear up a bit! You’re right πŸ™‚

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