Post # 1
Member
21 posts
Newbee
I feel like I keep pushing in ideas but I’m having trouble stopping myself!!! AAAHHH!!!
Okay the story goes like this. My ex boyfriend (we broke up about 3 years ago, and are good friends again now) met this fantastic Belgian lass (online of course >.< ), she moved to Australia for him, and 4 months later, after her arrival, he pops the question on Christmas Eve. She asks me to be a bridesmaid for her when they get married August 1st this year, and so I have a dilemma of putting off going for an 8 month overseas trip and (basically) starting my independant life, or staying for their wedding. After talking with Mr Complicated, its decided that I’m putting off my trip for 2 months to stay for her and him.
Now, I keep catching myself out pushing out ideas that are basically what suits them, and also happen to be exactly what my little girl princess dream was. Having not had a wedding of my own, it COMPLETELY sucks, being Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor (still not real sure which I am) and this turning into my dream wedding without me being the bride, I’m finding it really hard to rein in on being overbearing, pushy and just downright annoying.
Does anyone have experiences like this? How do you deal??? I’m really struggling here!
Post # 3
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee
Umm I feel like I struggle a little… I don’t know when to give my opinion or not. I want to be helpful, but….. However, you have a kind of unique situation, I’d think.
First are you sure you really want to be in the wedding? You are putting your own life on hold for this. I just wonder if you are frustrated because they are "encroaching" on your life plans. (Which they aren’t you just need to back down and go abroad, if this is the case.)
Also, are you sure you’re really OK with being a Bridesmaid or Best Man in your ex’s wedding? You must be certain you don’t have feelings for him, before you continue to go through with this. If you in fact still have feelings for the groom and wish that not only were you getting the wedding the way she is, but also getting the groom too, you need to back down.
I’m assuming Mr. Complicated is the ex. I’m not sure his reasons for really wanting you to be in the wedding, but if you’re bending over backwards to please him, ask yourself why. Be honest with yourself. You might not be able to control if you are having some jealousy issues. But you owe it to them and yourself, to follow through with doing what is best for all of you. Good luck.
Post # 4
Member
21 posts
Newbee
Time for a couple of definitions i suppose 🙂
definition of Mr Complicated – too many kilometres between us, love the other and are best friends but both are stuck where we are, and not wanting to break our hearts by making anything *cough cough* "official" and not being able to get the hugs when theyre needed. Also, Mr Complicated has some major health issues and may not see the end of the year 🙁 🙁 🙁
No theres DEFINATELY no feelings for the groom, we broke up cos I couldnt stand to be around him any more, from definate knowings he was 110% not right, and I’d been kidding myself for 3 months of the 6 we’d been dating.
Yes theres definately some jealousy issues, but theyre all because I’m wishing it was my turn, and the only prospect on any horizon is Mr Complicated. All jealousy stems from the issue that I am the ONLY one in my circle of friends who doesnt have the other half.
Last but not least, as for putting my life on hold, this is my biggest struggle. I’m one of two of the brides friends in this country, and the grooms entire family disapproves of the wedding for prejudiced reasons. She needs someone to lean on, and as much as I want to go, to be fanciful and free around the world, I can’t bring myself to leave her in distress. After all, it is only 2 more months… at least thats what I keep telling myself.
Post # 5
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
If waiting for 2 months makes you unhappy, then carpe diem! Just go and be where you think you’ll be the happiest. You should come #1, not your ex and his future wife.
Post # 6
Member
21 posts
Newbee
Its not so much the question of should I stay or should I go, its now that I’ve decided to stay and am insanely jealous that its not my wedding (with a different groom, just for clarification), how do I stop catching myself feeling overbearing. They haven’t yet said anything, BUT I feel like I’m pushing too much too fast. I keep catching myself, silently telling myself off, and then 5 minutes later I’m right back at being overbearing!
Post # 7
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
Try keeping your dream wedding ideas to yourself – there’s no reason why some other bride should have your ideal wedding. Maybe you can try limiting your opinions and help to specific requests. I know it’s hard seeing others getting married and wondering when it will be your time. But just think of how insanely jealous so many other people are that you get to go on an 8 month overseas trip and start on a new life! How exciting!
Post # 8
Member
21 posts
Newbee
Theres a whole lot of hard work going into my trip, I’ll have been saving for a year by the time I go, AND i’m making it a working holiday. Its seriously not like I won the lotto or had a huge inherritance. And the reason I’m going isnt all that fantastic. I’m working insane hours to do this. And now helping with this wedding in the mean time. I’ll give it a go of holding my opinions back but the bride is SO much like me its really hard!! But at the same time i’m very much glad that I get to do this one first cos its kinda like a trial run for mine.
Any other suggestions? anyone?
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