I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I remember those feelings early on in my TTC journey too.
I’m on cycle 26 TTC, and recently decided I needed a “break” from all the fertility appointments and everything that goes along with it. The emotional rollercoaster of it all just got to be too much. I wasn’t sure how to even “stop” trying, but so far what I’ve been doing has been working.
1.) I stopped tracking everything (OPKs, temping, CM, when we DTD, symptoms, everything!) The only thing I mark down is CD1, so I have a general idea of when to expect AF so I can be prepared. I do not look at my fertility friend app, at all.
2.) I took a break from the Bee, or at least the TTC boards for a while. Any baby-related distractions that you find yourself thinking/looking at throughout the day…make an effort to stop and find something else to do.
3.) I talked to Darling Husband about taking a break from treatments, we put a timeline of when we want to go back, and then we agreed to not discuss TTC anymore while on this break.
4.) Find ways to make DTD fun again. You may not be at this stage yet, but for us, it definitely became very planned out on specific days…and then the stress from the TWW made me not interested in DTD at all after my FW. Be spontaneous, DTD when you want to, not because you have to.
5.) While on the break, expect AF to show up.
I hope some of this will help. We’ve been a complete cycle on this break (AF showed last night), and for the first time in 2 years I didn’t cry. I feel so much better mentally/emotionally. Days went by where I didn’t even think about my fertility, or worry about my future without kids. It’s been a much needed break, 4 weeks ago I was crying daily, depressed, and telling my husband he should leave me…now I feel happy, I’m enjoying the little things again, and only crying over Gleen from Walking Dead. lol