(Closed) How do you stop.

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
1122 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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Allure9014:  I’m sorry, I am also TTC and I am obsessing over it.  I was on CountdowntoPregnancy last night saying Positive, negative etc on all the pictures!  I lie awake at night on these websites.  I think what we need to learn is to stop obsessing over it!  It just takes time.  It WILL happen for you (statistically speaking).  I would suggest continuing to temp and do OPK but try not to think about it too much.  

Post # 4
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I have long cycles, typically 32-50 days. So my OBs advice goes off my cycles.. I was told to abstain CD 1-10. Then have sex every other day  CD 11-16. Then every day CD 17 until after ovulation (I never temped or used OPKs, just went by my cervical mucus). 

 

I also used soy isoflavones when I was really ready to get pregnant, instead of just “if it happens, it happens”. I did a LOT of research on the SI before committing to it. I ended up pregnant on my first soy cycle with my now 5 year old son. I have a friend who used soy who had a chemical pregnancy her first cycle, then a viable pregnancy her second cycle (which is her 4 year old daughter), and is now pregnant on her 2nd or 3rd cycle of soy this go around. 

Post # 5
Member
1727 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I have a pretty good idea of when I ovulate now based on several months of tracking. I deleted everything off my phone, I threw away all my opks and Darling Husband and I are now on the EOD or every two days. I literally stopped all of it. I know when my period is due roughly on when I should roughly ovulate. It is sooooo refreshing! I have no idea what cycle day I am on or anything like that I just know if we have sex a lot in a cycle it is bound to happen… I will say though that charting was stressing me out. I was spending more time on here than I was doing actually work at my job and something had to give. 

Post # 6
Member
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

This is me! We just started TTC in September, after I went off BC (had been on for 13 years). I started charting right away, and still continue to do so. But, our timing has been off. The first month, I ended up getting sick around peak fertile time so no BD was going on. I also O’d late, and had a long period cycle (normal for getting off the pill). This last month, I O’d around Day 13, and had a shorter cycle. So, again… missed the timing.

This month, I bought OPKs and have been really anal about watching signs (CM, symptoms, etc). I’m in my fertile window right now, BUT… Darling Husband is leaving on Wednesday to go hunting through Sunday. So, we may miss it again if I O when he’s gone and even if we BD tonight and tomorrow (tomorrow for sure)… who knows.

This time with the OPks I’ve taken since Friday, the lines have gotten darker so I’m crossing my fingers that’s a good sign leading into when he leaves and when we BD. My temps have remained the same the last few days, so any jump will be a good sign. Hopefully.

We have horrible luck in life, so I am not in the mood to “just see what happens”. I should have gone off the pill MONTHS before I actually did just to regulate my cycle and use protection, but too late now. We’re in our 30’s (I’m 34, he’s 36), so if nothing happens by April (since Month 1 & 2, I was just learning)… we’ll have to get checked out.

Post # 7
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time.  I remember those feelings early on in my TTC journey too. 

I’m on cycle 26 TTC, and recently decided I needed a “break” from all the fertility appointments and everything that goes along with it.  The emotional rollercoaster of it all just got to be too much.  I wasn’t sure how to even “stop” trying, but so far what I’ve been doing has been working. 

1.) I stopped tracking everything (OPKs, temping, CM, when we DTD, symptoms, everything!) The only thing I mark down is CD1, so I have a general idea of when to expect AF so I can be prepared.  I do not look at my fertility friend app, at all.

2.) I took a break from the Bee, or at least the TTC boards for a while.  Any baby-related distractions that you find yourself thinking/looking at throughout the day…make an effort to stop and find something else to do.

3.) I talked to Darling Husband about taking a break from treatments, we put a timeline of when we want to go back, and then we agreed to not discuss TTC anymore while on this break. 

4.) Find ways to make DTD fun again.  You may not be at this stage yet, but for us, it definitely became very planned out on specific days…and then the stress from the TWW made me not interested in DTD at all after my FW.  Be spontaneous, DTD when you want to, not because you have to. 

5.) While on the break, expect AF to show up.  

I hope some of this will help.  We’ve been a complete cycle on this break (AF showed last night), and for the first time in 2 years I didn’t cry.  I feel so much better mentally/emotionally.  Days went by where I didn’t even think about my fertility, or worry about my future without kids.  It’s been a much needed break, 4 weeks ago I was crying daily, depressed, and telling my husband he should leave me…now I feel happy, I’m enjoying the little things again, and only crying over Gleen from Walking Dead.  lol 

Post # 8
Member
4028 posts
Honey bee

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Allure9014:  I think it’s complete crap that people say you have to stop trying to get pregnant. If I had not used OPK’s I would have had no idea when I ovulate and every monthly attempt would’ve been useless (other than the fun factor). If your timing is perfect and there are no issues, you have at most a 20% chance of conceiving every month. When you think about it that way, you can see that it’s not unusual for it to take a few months! I think that if the boards here are causing you to think too much about it and stress yourself out, then it can be good to take a step back and focus on other things, but it’s more about for your own emotional sanity, not because it’s going to change the outcome of when you get pregnant. Know what I mean? I hope next cycle is it for you, but if not, just try and remember it can take a healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant and thinking about it is NOT ruining your chances!

Post # 9
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think

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JLFinch:  has it right.  To stop means you just stop tracking, and enjoy your husband.  It doesn’t mean you dont think about it, it just means you stop obsessing over EVERY detail.   Our 3rd month we tried that.  We didn’t use an OPK and the only thing I paid attention to was CM.  It was great at first.  There was no pressure to perform or be in the mood.  I just enjoyed spending time with my husband.

I will say it was completely stressful, to me, afterwards because I had no idea what day I actually ovulated on.  I think if I would have stayed off these boards and hadn’t seen all the BFP at 8,9,and 10DPO I would have been ok!!  I tested when I thought I was 12DPO–BFN, but I didn’t get my BFP until after AF was actually due.  I know it doesn’t work that fast with everyone though!

I will share this story with you.  My cousin and his wife tried for 3 or 4years after the DS to have another child.  They had several miscarriages and just felt another natural child wasn’t in the books for them.  They decided that having a child was really the most important thing and started the adoption process.  They found a young mother who agreed to let them adopt her baby.  Their little girl was due in May.  In February they found out they were pregnant!!  So now they have 2 beautiful little girls 6 months apart and a very happy big brother!  I and they fully believe its because they weren’t focused on it anymore and it just happened.

Post # 11
Member
4587 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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Allure9014:  I’m on cycle 19 or 20 (I can’t remember right now), but I haven’t figured out the trick to “stopping” yet, especially now that our infertility treatments keep the issue front and forward. Something that has helped is spending less time on the TTC boards, and just tracking my period (O dates are now “scheduled” by our RE anyway).

Post # 12
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I totally agree with what 

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MissCountryGirl727: and 
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whitums:  said, and they gave great advice! To add though, “stop trying” is the worst effing advice out there. It isn’t even ACTUALLY advice. If you’re having unprotected sex, you’re trying. So unless you stop having unprotected sex and get pregnant through immaculate conception….

There is definitely a big difference between stressing about trying and trying though. If charting stresses you, don’t do it. If the boards stress you, stop posting on the TTC ones. It took us over a year to get pregnant, and my biggest piece of advice would be to LIVE YOUR LIFE. Don’t not plan a trip in the spring bc you might be pregnant and unable to fly, or not buy the dress you want bc you might not fit into it…just live your life. Trips can be canceled, clothes returned. Enjoy your husband, try to have sex just because you want to, and enjoy your time and your relationship. You can still “try”, but it will be a way more enjoyable time. Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I can add to what saratiara2 said, we planned a trip to Vegas with my SIL, her husband, and then one of their cousins and her husband for the end of January 2016… knowing that I *may* be pregnant at the time. If I am, great. If not, great. We’ll still have fun no matter what. We figured that we can’t plan our life around this, as we don’t know when it happens. Hopefully sooner than later… but we know that probably won’t be the case. And, that’s OK… and what life threw us.

I am obviously a newbie to TTC, and try not to stress about it… but it’s inevitiable for the week or two where things are going on.

Post # 15
Member
4587 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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saratiara2:  Yes! It’s so important to live your life with letting TTC hamper that. Once Darling Husband and I started grasping that, it certainly helped. I got scuba-certified even though I knew I couldn’t finish the course if I got pregnant during it. We went to Scotland even though it interfered with our TTC plans that month.

 Allure9014:  This is 100% the best advice.

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