Post # 1
My friend/coworker (A) plans to invite a friend of mine (B) whom she had met once to my wedding. B is a really cool guy but he has made a pass at me a few times which I had to stop hanging out with him; and, he has been negative about weddings/marriages in general because he has been divorced twice. I purposely didn’t invite him to my wedding.
How do I politely tell her that I can’t let her bring him as her date?
[A and I met B at the train station on our way home after work once. And then, A met B again this morning and they chatted and exchanged information.]
Post # 3
Well if you give someone a +1 you can’t really dictate who they bring. However, since he’s made a pass at you, I would explain the situation to your friend. Tell her you aren’t going to forbid her from bringing him, but that since he’s hit on you before, it would make you very uncomfortable and you would prefer she didn’t. Hopefully she’ll understand!
Post # 4
@RunsWithBears: i agree, just explain why you wouldn’t feel comfortable with him there
Post # 5
You just tell her like you did in your post. You have valid reasons for not wanting this guy there, and since she doesn’t know him well, you’re not telling her she can’t bring her one true love. She likely thinks its a good idea because he also knows you, and perhaps she thinks you didn’t invite him because of space issues, so she’s doing you a favor by inviting him as her guest. There’s nothing rude about how you presented it above.
Or you tell her she can’t bring a +1, but seeing as your wedding is in couple weeks, I’m guessing the invitation went out already, so it’s a bit late to say that if the invitation already said “and guest.”
Post # 6
@Ellebot: @RunsWithBears: I’ll try but this friend has been kind of on a mission to land a man. UGH.
Post # 7
Like the PP said, it’s not polite to tell who she can invite. You can only tell her that he makes you uncomfortable and let her make the decision. Even if she does bring him, I’m sure you will barely notice him on your big day.
Post # 8
@mnp: Well in that casof this might be info she should know! Someone who is cynical about marriage doesn’t really seem like agood fit or someone who’s on a mission to find commitment!
Post # 9
@AlwaysSunny: I hope so!
@Utopia4us: Oh, I did tell her. I think she believes she can change him because he’s hot. Ehh…
::Update: I think crisis is averted. I didn’t mention that he made passes at me, though. I’m sure my friend/coworker would think that I’m thinking too highly of myself. ::
Post # 10
I don’t believe you can dictate who someone brings as a plus 1. If you gave her a +1 she has a right to bring whomever she wishes. If he makes you that uncomfortable (because of the hitting on you thing) just tell her the story and let her know you’d prefer she didn’t but that she is still allowed to bring him if she wishes. You likely won’t end up spending any significant time with him atyour wedding anyways.