(Closed) How do you tell someone you're taken.

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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123burrner456 :  

You are waaaayyyy over thinking this.  Drop something about your Dh/Fi/bf And move on.  Your obligation to a complete stranger is minimal.

Post # 47
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

I just make sure my rings are visible and try and politely bring the conversation to a close when there’s an opportunity and leave. If they’re being blatantly suggestive or vulgar then I’d tell them to go away but if it’s just normal conversation then I wouldn’t be unpleasant but wouldn’t want to indulge them either so I’d be polite and cordial before closing the conversation. I find men often get bored once they know you aren’t receptive to them anyway and get the hint and leave.

Post # 48
Member
2722 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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123burrner456 :  I don’t think dropping the husband comment is arrogant at all.  I also understand wanting to let someone down gently because I’ve been on the opposite side too. I’m friendly and talkative and have been told that I can sometimes come across as being flirty when I don’t mean to be.  When I was single I was at a sports bar with my friends and went up to the bar to get some drinks.  I started talking to a guy that was sitting there about the game that was on.  A few minutes into the conversation he dropped the girlfriend line.  I was thankful that he was nice about it because I made sure I changed the way I was talking so I didn’t seem like I was coming on to him.  I was a bit embarrassed but I guess that’s life.  So I try to be nice myself.  I say either “we” or “my husband…” and that’s usually enough for the guy to get the hint.

Post # 50
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I often just smile and say “Thank you for your company, but I am engaged” straightforward, to the point but polite. Now..if they continue to try and hit on me, all bets are off and no more Ms. Nice-Nice

Post # 51
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

I only drop the taken line if it gets to a point where he isn’t accepting a polite “no thank you.” I’m stubborn though, and don’t like to fall on the taken line, because saying, “I’m not interested,” should be more than enough. Otherwise it is just conversation with another person. 

Post # 52
Member
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I really don’t get hit on often at all ever since I started wearing an engagement ring. I’m also very rarely in a situation where that would even happen because I have a very limited social circle lol that is mostly couples and people who know me quite well and know that I’m married. In fact the only time I can think of that it happened in recent times was when I was by myself doing some work at a coffee shop a few months ago. The guy sitting next to me, a complete stranger, asked me to watch his computer while he went to the bathroom. Ok, fine. But then he made a weird comment: “when I get back, I want to talk to you about dancing.” ???

I was creeped out ,but hoped I’d heard him wrong. Then he comes back and is like “you’re a dancer right?” (I am not.) I coldly said no, sorry, and then put my headphones on to indicate the convo was over. I don’t even know if he was trying to hit on me, but I got weird vibes and wanted to shut it down asap. I didn’t mention my husband, but absolutely would have if the dude said one more questionable thing to me.

So yeah, in the very rare instance where I do get that vibe from a guy, I just make myself as boring and cold as possible without being rude. I will often excuse myself abruptly, and I will absolutely drop the husband bomb if it gets to that point.

Post # 53
Member
2963 posts
Sugar bee

Before I was engaged and then married, I did the boyfriend drop in conversation. It really hurt one guy I work with, but he needed to get the message. Once I got engaged, it became so much easier, because they could almost instantly see that I’m taken because of my ring. Now that I’m married, I have one more ring to add to my “arsenal,” lol! Of course, this doesn’t always work. There’s a new maintenance guy at work, and he’s throwing definite signals, despite my rings. I just respond politely with the minimum response, never engage him in conversation first, and am sure not to do or say anything that would encourage him.

Post # 54
Member
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

“I’m sorry, I am in a committed relationship”.

Just be direct. I don’t understand the need to dance around things with dropping the “husband” word as a hint.  And I think what I said above is even more direct than straight out saying you are married.  Sadly, some married people are open to affairs but if you say you are committed, well then, that’s quite clear that any advances are unwelcome.

Post # 55
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

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j9marie :  I think she means situations where the guy is just chatting normally, she senses that there might be some flirtatious undertone but she’s not sure. 

Post # 56
Member
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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anni57 :  She could always excuse herself from the conversation.

Post # 57
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I assume my rings would speak for themselves 🤷🏼‍♀️

Post # 58
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2018

If I feel like someone is flirting with me and there’s an opening to mention my FH, then I’ll bring it into conversation. “Oh my fiance and I are having such a hard time with that same thing!”

I feel like saying something like that might give the person an easy out if they were flirting with you. If they’re still interested in being friendly, the conversation can move on accordingly.

If someone just overtly asks me out or for my number, I’ll tell them honestly, “I’m sorry, but I’m taken.” and they will usually just say, “oh okay, well doesn’t hurt to try”
I’m never offended if the person is being polite. How are they supposed to know?

Post # 59
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I have been flirted with even though my Fiance was near me.   I find it amusing and my Fiance also thinks it is amusing.   I just thank them for their time and point to my Fiance and wave at him.   Or I walk back to my Fiance.   It is alright to be polite.   

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