(Closed) How do you tell your bridesmaid….

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I had make up done for a wedding.  It was put on extremely heavily hande, colors I would never wear, and I certainly was not myself that day.  I did not feel like me.  I do light make up in neutral tones and was all dark eye make up, scarlet blush, and I certainly did not feel nor look like myself.  I looked like a kid who got into mommy’s make up.  I wanted to wash my face and do my own make up but had to walk around feeling and looking like an idiot all day. 

If you picked your friends to stand up in your wedding based on their looks, you shouldn’t have chosen this friend.  I notice that you write that she never comes to see you.  Do you ever go to see her?

Post # 33
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Qookii:  I would totally send it behind her back! Hah. 

 

My bridesmaids honestly didn’t seem to interested in wedding planning either. Frankly, I felt like nobody cared up until a few days before. I think that as brides we get so invested that it is hard to realize that nobody else is really thinking about our wedding! My bridesmaids really stepped up to the plate and helped me pull everything together week of. Hopefully this will be the case for you too!

Post # 36
Member
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Qookii:  I didn’t concern myself with my bridal party’s makeup — if they wanted to wear it, that was their own deal and they could wear whatever they wanted to wear. In my own experience as a BM/MOH, I have been asked to wear professionally-applied makeup and I’ve also been left to my own devices. I always just go with the flow (as long as the bride pays for the pro makeup), but I feel more comfortable doing my own.

And in answer to your question “is she not herself if she wears pro makeup?” — she is still literally herself no matter what she does, of course. I mean she should “be herself” in the sense that that expression is usually used, e.g. “Just be yourself!” 

In my experience, things go best when people are made to feel comfortable, and it’s not worth forcing someone to get pro makeup done. Plus, it’ll save you $130! 🙂

Post # 37
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Qookii:  oh, i didn’t realize you would be paying, just tell you’d like for everybody in the wedding party to have their hair & makup done.  I don’t think she should have an issue if you’re paying for it.

Post # 38
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

Qookii:  It sounds like you are resentful that she continues to live her own life despite knowing that you are getting married, and the makeup thing is a projection of these feelings. I understand why you are annoyed that she *said* she would come visit and hasn’t, but I still think you need to let it go. It’s not worth holding on to the resentment, and really, you cannot and should not expect people to be as committed to your wedding as you are.

Post # 41
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Drury Lane

Something similar happened at my best friend’s wedding.  I was the Maid/Matron of Honor and got my hair and makeup done (and paid for it myself), but the Mother of the Bride did NOT want hers done and her daughter forced her to do it.  For the rest of the day, every time someone complimented the Mother on how she looked, she said “Oh, I look like a tart.”  Some people are just not comfortable under all of that makeup.

Post # 42
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Qookii:  have you talked to her about some of the expectations you have of her in her role as MOH? honestly, a lot of brides get lucky and have BMs who assume they should be doing something and therefore they ask what they need to do. but, honestly your bridesmaids are really there to stand beside you in a show of support on your big day…other than that they don’t really have to do anything. so hopefully if you do need some help from her you can communicate that to her and she’ll come through. 🙂

as far as her travels go: honestly that takes nothing away from your wedding unless she decides to go to bali the day of your wedding. she can travel as much as she wants to (in my opinion) between now and your wedding day as long as she’s there when you ask her to be. she doesn’t have to book her flight at any certain point, as long as she’s there when you ask her to be. 

as for the hair and makeup: i would either request that all BMs get theirs done and you pay for all, or make it an option and they pay if they want it. i wouldn’t ask ONLY her to get hers professionally done. 

at the end of the day, she’s your friend and she loves you. if she’s there to stand beside you on the big day, isn’t that the important part?

Post # 43
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

oh, and i noticed in one of your other follow up posts you felt disappointed (understandably so) that she hadn’t come to visit you yet but had gone to bali and other places…isn’t she coming from overseas to where you are for the wedding? maybe it’s just cheaper for her to travel those short little trips than to fly big to your area and she can’t afford that right now? i know she could prioritize saving up for it, but if i had a friend (i’m in the us) who lived in say, England, i probably would only visit for the wedding. i wouldn’t feel bad at all taking trips within the country or super close to where i live. granted, she shouldn’t keep promising to visit but still. 

 

sorry i would have added that to my original comment but it won’t let me edit. grrr….

Post # 44
Member
4244 posts
Honey bee

I wouldn’t TELL my bridesmaid she needs her makeup professionally done. I would ASK if she preferred it.

Post # 45
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Qookii:  You insist on it, then you pay for it.  You can’t mandate something and make her pay, sorry.  

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