(Closed) how do you think abour your relationship?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Good communiation is the key to why my Fiance and I have such a good relationship. If one of us is upset about something, we tell each other and talk about it. We always ask each other about our day and tell each other everything (except secrets friends tell us to keep).

There are many other reasons, but that is the main one. If you can’t agree on things or feel that every time you say something you get judged or get mad and storm off, you need to work on communication.

communication is what makes us a great team, work out our priorites as they come, and help us to understand each other. I am marrying someone I never get tired of talking to ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

Are you each the other’s number one priority? Yes. We prioritise each other over anyone else.

Are you a team? Yes, it’s me and him against the world.

Are the other person’s needs more important/equal to your own or do you always put yourself first? It’s kind of hard to say. I think I probably do put myself first some of the time and at other times I’ll put him first, but our needs are pretty complementary.

How much do you compromise in a relationship to make it work? If you have to compromise too much, then it probably won’t work in the long term. Perhaps I have a slightly idealist view of relationships, but if you have to work really hard to keep going then it’s eventually going to drive one or other of you nuts.

Do you expect your SO to put you first, before friends, work, etc., and always have your back? Yes. We’re a team.

Is it okay to want a partner and teammate in life, i.e. shared experiences and life are better? Yes. We’re a team.

My husband is my best friend and whilst I sometimes want to spend time with other people, I’m happy spending lots of time with him hanging out and having fun. We can go to movies together, get drunk together, share all our secrets.

Don’t get me wrong, we fancy the pants off each other too, but it goes deeper than love and lust into an easy friendship and it did right from the start.

Post # 5
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’d say the best way to describe our relationship is that we are family. Maybe it isn’t this way for everyone– but before my husband I didn’t really think of boyfriends in the same way as I did my immediate family– that unconditional love thing. We are absolutely each others’ first priority above all else.  In terms of my interests vs. his interests… I guess they just don’t really clash all that much. I think we both make concessions for the other bc we want each other to be happy. We don’t really put a lot of restrictions on each other though because we just trust each other to not do anything that would really piss the other off haha. As an example– spending money. We have budgeted and we each have an agreed upon amount of “fun money” that is ours to spend each month on whatever. But if there is something that costs more that either of us want– we don’t have to ask permission or negotiate to get it. We just get it. I trust that he won’t abuse that privilege and put us into debt. He trusts me to do the same. 

Also, I think it is important that you have fun together. Doing absolutely nothing with my husband is more fun to me than doing something “cool” with anyone else, we just enjoy each other’s company. 

And really, I don’t buy into that whole “all relationships are super hard work” thing. I think finding someone you’re compatible with is more important than “making it work.” Because when you find the right person it doesn’t feel like work at all. I’m sure at some point we might have a rough patch… but so far in our 5.5 years together it really hasnt’ felt like work at all… our relationship is the best thing in my life.

Post # 6
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@SpecialSundae:  What she said pretty much word for word.  Only we don’t use the word “team”, it’s “us against the crazy world out there” ๐Ÿ™‚

@megz06:  plus as she said COMMUNICATION!  Very very important.

Post # 7
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with what PP said. We’re a team, we’re a family, we’re best friends. We always put it as we belong to each other: He is mine, I am his. We are each other’s favorite people.

It can be work sometimes; we’re both stubborn, opinionated, sometimes selfish people so occasional conflict is inevitable. So yes, there are times we need to compromise. But most days, it’s a lot of fun and being with him is the most natural thing in the world. I feel more fully myself when I am with him. We accept each other for who we are but we challenge one another to bring out our best. 

Post # 8
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

So my question is, how do you and your SO (husband, Boyfriend or Best Friend, etc) treat your relationship? We treat it as a unit; the whole cannot function without all the parts.

Are you each the other’s number one priority? Absolutely. He is my number one, and he definitely comes before anyone/thing else. The same can be said about how he feels about me.

Are you a team? Definitely. We have to work together and communicate effectively to keep ourselves sane!

Are the other person’s needs more important/equal to your own or do you always put yourself first? His needs are more important to me than my own. However, my needs are absolutely important, and I let him know what they are! I don’t put myself first, but I also don’t put myself on the backburner, if that makes sense.

 How much do you compromise in a relationship to make it work? I am willing to compromise, if he is also willing to compromise. You HAVE to find a happy medium or one of you will always feel like you’re giving more than recieving. It needs to be split 50/50.

 Do you expect your SO to put you first, before friends, work, etc., and always have your back? Before friends and work, yes. Before himself, I don’t expect that, but I know he does. I still want him to feel independant (where he knows he can do things he likes, hang out with whomever he wants, and work as much as he needs), but I also expect to be the priority above them. Say he wants to hang out with his friends one night and I want us to stay home and rent a movie. I’d let him hang out with his friends without mentioning my desires IF we haven’t already discussed plans for a movie. If I’d already talked to him about what I wanted us to do and made plans accordingly, I’d expect him to tell his friends no. ๐Ÿ˜‰ And yes, he should always have my back. Even if I’m completely wrong, I want to know that he supports me anyway and ‘takes my side’.

Is it okay to want a partner and teammate in life, i.e. shared experiences and life are better? Of course it’s okay to want a partner/teammate in life. That is what gives life it’s sweetness. ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 9
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

 

I guess my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I (we’ve been dating/living together for 5 years) consider ourself our own little family unit. It’s the two of us and our two dogs. As far as who the number one priority is, it depends on the time/place/situation. We’re both kind of selfish people (haha) so with dumb, little things we always put ourselves first! Like, if we’re at a restaurant sharing a piece of cake, I won’t necessarily give him the “good parts” – lol. But for important things, whoever needs to come first does, for however long.

We compromise an almost everything that we can. we consider each other to be equals, so my say has just as much weight as his. We respect and listen to each other, even when we don’t agree. On big situations where we absolutely can’t compromise, we try to agree on what is best for our future together.

I don’t ALWAYS expect my Boyfriend or Best Friend to put me ahead of his work, or his family, or his friends. Again, it all depends on the situation. If he has a friend who is going through tough times and needs him, I would expect my Boyfriend or Best Friend to be there for him, even if it’s an inconvience for me. Same goes for his family. Same goes for me – if I was really sick or something terrible happened to me, I would expect my Boyfriend or Best Friend to be there for me above almost everything else. But these types of situations are few and far between.

I think it’s perfectly normal to want a person to share your life experiences with. Humans are social creatures. We NEED other people! There is nothing more romantic and sweet than when I succeed in life/career/etc because then my Boyfriend or Best Friend also reaps the benefits. Likewise for him. And when life is tough, having another person that really loves and cares about you is priceless.

Post # 10
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t find that I have to compromise very much in my relationship, but that’s because we started on the same page.  We are very similar people, want similar things out of life and out of love, and so I knew he was the right one, since it’s always been easy.  I don’t have to give much of myself up.  It’s just me still, only better!  I do think I would always put his needs first, before mine, but this has never been an issue before.  I guess we think as a team, basically, so it’s not really about whose needs come first. We just discuss the various considerations, and then go whatever works best for the team.  I don’t really think of it as compromising with him (which I always felt that way in the past!), since he is so concerned with my needs too… So I’m actually really eager to give him what he wants, as a result. 

It’s totally ok to want a partner and teammate in life.  It took me a LOOONG time to find that, but I’m thankful every day I held out for it.

Post # 11
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@lonelyinsf:  I feel our relationship is solid, we communicate without hesitation, we know what we expect of one another, and we love each other deeply.  Both of us have said this to each other before that no matter what happens (good or bad), that being with each other puts everything into perspective.  I look at us as a team that can face anything together.  I feel he makes me stronger.  I embrace challenges because I know it will only make us better, as individuals and as a couple.  I know he is faithful, beyond infidelity – I trust that I am the single most important person is his life, and vice versa.  We are willing to make any sacrifice for the other person, big or small.  There is no better man to father my children,to raise a family with, to grow old with.  I feel blessed to have him.         

Post # 12
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

The first thing I would say is that we are all about making each other happy (whats the point of being with someone if they don’t make you happy).  If for example he did something that made me unhappy in any way, I would tell him asap but in private and we try our best to fix the problem and come to a compromise.  We don’t do everything together but before we make individual plans we check with the other to make sure they weren’t bothered by it (i.e. its our normal night to see eachother and the one without plans was really looking forward to it)  We also include each other in family events without hesitation.  But its all about communication and being able to tell each other EVERYTHING and voice our hurt feelings.

Post # 13
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada โ™ฅ EDD- April 2016

We’re a family, a team, and best friends. We respect each other and are willing to compromise for the other person. I’ve never been anyone other than myself with him and everything has always come naturally with him. Yes, relationships do take work, but with him it really doesn’t feel like work. I feel so lucky to have someone so dedicated to me, and I try to be as thoughtful and dedicated back. If one of us is unable to do something we know we can lean on the other one for support or for a helping hand. It’s just a relief knowing he’s there for me.

@CorgiTales:  “Doing absolutely nothing with my husband is more fun to me than doing something “cool” with anyone else, we just enjoy each other’s company.”

Exactly!

Post # 14
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

First of all, it’s not just us…my nearly 16 year old daughter lives with us. Along with 3 cats & 3 dogs lol. We have each other’s backs.  We’ve always referred to our “we-ness” as being more important than our individual needs or desires. He lived alone for a long time so it’s been a learning experienc to think of us first. It’s definitely all of us against the world.

We respect each other, and while we love to do things together, we really each need alone-time and we respect that need. We can confide our deepest, scariest, happiest, sexiest thoughts and feelings to each other. Nothing is off-limits. Communication is a must. We happily, frequently talk into the early morning hours. We’re on the same page politically and spiritually and usually agree on the important things. We each have a high need for continued learning experiences and like to take classes together to try new things. We encourage each other to step outside our comfort zones. We want to be our best for each other.

We don’t have to do a lot of compromising –  we’re often on the same page and we each know we can ask the other for anything. His family loves me and my daughter and never questioned or relationship. We love them too – we feel we have an extended family for the first time!

Please realize that for me this is a totally unique experience. I was married for 25 years to a man who rarely spoke to me and was a passive/aggressive bully. I stayed so my children would have a nuclear family for as long as I could take it. This happiness and type of relationship I have now was only the stuff of dreams for me. I can’t wait to marry this man in 18 days. Imagine what it feels like to find this kind of relationship when you’re older (I was 49 when we met and he was 34)!!

You will find it or it will find you. Be open to possibilities and be true to yourself first and foremost. I’m a firm believer that love can find you and it can be the real thing. I’m sorry for your break-up. Decide what you want in a relationship and don’t settle for less. If a man can’t commit to you on your terms in a reasonable amount of time, move on. You only get one life – there’s no rehearsal!

Post # 15
Member
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We prioritise each other over any other human being.

We talk freely, without fear, about any topic.

We are best friends.

Post # 16
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

me and my SO are often being called “twins”, although we don’t really look alike. it’s more about the same state of mind, and being totally inseparable (sometimes it feels like there’s some kind of telepathy between us, and i’m not kidding! :)) we share all the ups and downs, always compromise and stand by each other. i’m so happy we are really something more than best friends.

The topic ‘how do you think abour your relationship?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors