(Closed) How do you word a “no kids” wedding invite?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 33
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If it doesn’t say the kids names, or and family it is never assumed that kids are invited.  Especially if you are including kids over 12 who aren’t quite adults- just write the Names of those invited

Post # 34
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

jbh13
I understand that is against etiquette, but I think we have read enough threads where guest are confused by this or that. Lay it all out, so that there are no questions and ten kids don’t show up to your adult only occasion because their parents didn’t understand that the envelope was only addressed to them.

 

Post # 35
Member
13792 posts
Honey Beekeeper

According to etiquette, an invitation is meant to offer hospitality, never to exclude.  Truthfully, in the countless affairs I’ve attended, including formal and adults only, I’ve never once  received an invitation with this phrase. If I had, I’d wonder why the hosts didn’t handle this privately or by word of mouth and why such suspicious language had to be aimed at me and the majority of guests who know how to read.

I’d far rather “offend” potential offenders by making a personal call to ask if they are OK with childcare for the evening.  I’d deal with actual offenders by explaining that their child was not invited and I hope they will still be able to attend, or by offering childcare provisions or suggestions.

IMO all this really does is dumbs things down for people to the point they think if the phrase is NOT there it’s an open house. 

Post # 36
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

“No sprogs…yours or anyone else’s”

 

Post # 37
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We named the people we were inviting in each invitation. RSVPs were online and again listed each individual by name so no additional people could be added. We also spoke to the people with children and explained that they were not invited. We had an all-adult wedding. 

Post # 37
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I don’t get why saying “adult only reception” is considered rude? How else are you supposed to nicely say we don’t want your kids at the wedding bc of the choas and price? It’s your wedding, make it as clear or not clear as you want. It’s their fault if they can’t read what is right in front of their face: WE DON’T WANT YOUR KIDS AT THE WEDDING. That’s what everyone who wants no kids at their wedding is thinking, I’m just saying it. After starting to plan for our wedding, realizing how much crap I’m going to get for not wanting to pay for a bunch of kids to run around and not eat their food is going to be just amazing. 

Post # 37
Member
30398 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
jbarb727:  It’s pretty obvious why it’s rude. You never send an invitation to someone who is not invited. You name the guests who are invited on the envelope. Anyone else in the household is not invited. They don’t need it pointed out to them.

If someone responds with children included, you contact them and say “There must have been a misunderstanding. The invitation was for the two of you. If that means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding.”

I can almost guarantee you that anyone who adds their children to an rsvp card when they were not invited, will do the same even if you included “Adult Reception Only”.

Everyone is entitled to have an adult reception without kids. You can still be polite doing it.

 

Post # 38
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We are indicating XX number of seats have been reserved in your honor and on the reception card, the following wording: While we love the little ones, this is an adult only affair

I think it’s about the nicest ways you can say it. 

And we’re TOTALLY kid-free…no ring bearer or flower girl. 

Post # 39
Member
1786 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

On the bottom of the information part of our invites we had, “please note this will be an adults only celebration.” Guests got the hint and no kids showed up.

Post # 40
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You are always going to offend SOMEONE, but dont take it to heart. If you want to state it on the invite, do it. If you want to go word of mouth, do it. We had an adult only reception and at the bottom of the invite had it worded “adult only reception to follow.” I didnt hear of any complaints, and if people didnt like it I didnt catch wind of it. (which is prob a good thing, I was a stress ball and prob wouldnt have reacted nicely!)

Bottom line is someone is always gonna take offense, this is YOUR day- do you.

PS- our adult only reception was a BLAST! =)

Post # 41
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
lilcshelli:  Word of mouth may not work as well since some of the guests may play dumb and still bring their kids, KNOWING they shouldn’t have.

Post # 42
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

LOL Great thread

I am a bit worried, we are having a very small destination wedding with a trip package included. We are paying for it ourselves. We gave our guest 3 years notice (wedding is Jan 2018). It was assumed no kids, there are far less “family resorts” than all adults.

This past year my sister in law had a 3rd kid. She had previously told us, as little as a few months ago that her kids would stay with her husbands parents for our wedding. Great news.

Then the past weekend she annonces “well maybe we’ll bring the kids” we ask why? our minds are blown! “because its a vacation”

uh sorry we are not planning your family vacation. And she is the type of malicious person who if we say no kids only would plan her family trip at our wedding time and just show up

For example, her mom who babysits her kids multiple times a week was looking for a new house. She told her MOTHER that she can’t look for houses that are in X radius from her house or her kid’s school (also where all the new developments are). The fukkkkkk?!?!

….so yea I am SOOOO happy my fiance agrees that he also envisoined a kid free wedding. The kids are all under 6. I also expressed I don’t want to pay for extra people who won’t eat the food or give a shit about what is going on.

 

Post # 43
Member
30398 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
chamcham:  Can you clarify? Are you paying for travel and hotel for your guests? If so, then you can certainly decline to pay for the children.

Even if you are paying,they have every right to purchase additional seats and a larger hotel room and bring their children to the resort. If you are not paying, then they certainly have the right to travel as a family.

They do not have the right to bring the children to the wedding events if they are not invited.  Most resorts offer babysitting services.

Post # 44
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
julies1949:  Sorry got a bit of a rant happening. We just pay for the wedding and the food, etc, so more people = more food = more money. We don’t want to pay for her children to attend because of the m oney but mainly because having kids at the ceremony and reception changes the “vibe”. I have dinner with them every weekend and when the kids aren’t there it is so quiet and nice haha!

Of course they can have their own vacation but I am worried that she may pull something like book her vacation at the same time and crash our wedding with the kids. 

 

Interesting! I didn’t now babysitting at a resort could be an option. But that being said, we don’t want little kids in our acitivties we’re planning for our guests (i.e., catamaran tour, snorkel)…..we are one of those couples I guess = /

Post # 45
Member
30398 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
chamcham:  The thing is, when people are paying thousands of dollars to attend your destination wedding, you don’t get to say if they can or cannot bring their children, their friends, their neighbors etc. They can travel with whomever they want. They are using their vacation days, in most cases, and are entitled to spend those days with their family of they so choose.

The only people invited to activities that you are paying for -wedding ceremony, reception, catamaran tour, snorkeling- are the two people you invited, your sister in law and her husband.

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