(Closed) How do you word a “no kids” wedding invite?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

julies1949:  Yes Exactly!

 

I just don’t want her to pull something like “oh we’re all here just let all of us attend” ,etc then my Fiance feel guilty and be like “oh we’ll they’re here anyway they can sit in, they won’t stay up that late”

Post # 47
Member
47188 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

chamcham:  You can take some preemptive action. Contact the resort and find out how to access babysitting services. You can pass this information along to your sister in law.

“In case you do decide to bring the kids, here is how to contact the babysitting service for the adult activities that we are hosting- catamaran trip, snorkeling, wedding ceremony and reception.”

Most resorts have a kids program, with lots of scheduled activities, so the kids won’t be bored in the room.

Post # 48
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

julies1949:  Ah great idea!

Yea, she just seems like the type of person to pull a fast one out of spite…. my Fiance has spoken to me about she has been manipulative and inconsiderate since she was a kid. Weird as him and his mom are the total opposite of that!

Post # 49
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

We addressed our invitations to the people specifically invited. On our wedding website we had a note that stated, “While we love the little ones, this will be an adult event. We cannot wait to celebrate with you!”  (Had to keep it positive! Heh!)

Only one person disregarded our wishes (one bridesmaid, a true a-hole, brought her baby). I’m done with her now, so it all worked out.  Most of our friends were thrilled to have an adult night out. 🙂 

Post # 50
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I don’t get this. Why is this so difficult?

Every single wedding guide–from Amy Vanderbilt back in the day to The Knot today–explains how to address wedding invitations to those who are invited. This is one of the few things about which wedding guides are completely and totally unified, and have ALWAYS been.

According to Emily Post, ca.2001 (before they got all internetty):

“Never print ‘No Children’ or ‘Adults Only’ on an invitation. The way an invitation is addressed, whether on the outer or inner envelope, indicates exactly who is–and by omission who is not–invited to the wedding.”

There are no exceptions. There are no “special snowflake” clauses. If someone gets butthurt, that is ON THEM. If they write their kids’ name on the invitation, call and gently, graciously, correct them. If they’re offended, it’s ON THEM.

Also, “Adults Only” reminds people of 1-900 numbers and pornographic websites. Do you really want to have that on your wedding invitation? If you need to put details about babysitters, etc., put it on the website.

Okay, rant over.

Post # 51
Member
47188 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ironmaidelah:  It’s not difficult at all. It’s just that we are a generation of people who either weren’t taught about etiquette or simply don’t care.  The information is readily accessible on the net, so it seems to be the latter.

Post # 52
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

chamcham:  You can let her know that other guests who made arrangements for their children will be very offended if she attends with her children, and that it would put you (the host) in an uncomfortable position. Just let her know that you are 100% unable to accommodate any children at your wedding. 

One of our guests (a bridesmaid!) disregarded our wishes, and because I have so many friends and family with young children (we got married in our mid-30’s, so most of our friends are parents) there were LOTS of offended guests. I actually had to make phone calls the week following the wedding to make apologies, and let people know that we didn’t make an exception for that guest, but that she is just rude and did what she wanted. It was a really crappy thing for her to do to us. I no longer even speak to her. 

Post # 53
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

julies1949:  Oh, everyone seems to think that their case is special. No wedding is unique, especially when it comes to etiquette situations.

Post # 54
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

AnonymousForThis:  OMG. Mortifying.

Yea she just seems like a disrespectful person and I don’t want us to be taken advntage of, just give us our day, you know! On our terms!. So I can see her pulling something like your old friend. My Fiance said he will talk to her and he already talked to his parents about it who state if she can’t come to the wedding because of the kids that is OK and she can come to the legal wedding at home. She has rubbed having kids in our faces before and sometimes with having kids there are sacrifices. And vice versa. 

Post # 55
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

chamcham:  It was TOTALLY mortifying!

Ugh. She sounds like a real gem! So sorry you have to deal with this. Some people just never learn manners, I guess.

Post # 56
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

ironmaidelah:  I know this is the etiquette standard but I would hazard that most people these days either don’t know that or will pretend not to know that. My understanding from stories I’ve heard over and over again is that you have to spell it out REALLY clearly or people make assumptions or get confused. It’s not so much “I’m special” as “times are different”. 

I haven’t decided whether we’ll say anything on our invites yet or not, but it will almost definitely be on the website. I’m hoping I can recommend a sitter service or something as a way to break the ice on it. My FIs cousin will be getting married a few months before us in a similar venue (different style but same area and size) and is having kids because her mom is making her. I don’t trust his massive extended family to make the distinction without us telling them (not to mention all my friends). 

Post # 57
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

This is a 6 year old thread. How do they come back from the grave like that 😛 

Post # 58
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

I just made my invitations last night so I wanted to post what I did here. Every guide does say it’s rude to say “No Children” or “Adults Only”, and I didn’t like how it sounded negative. At first I didn’t see the real harm in writing that on the invitation or RSVP card, but the internet made me paranoid lol. (I still don’t think it’s that big of a deal, so if you’re reading this and really want to write those things on the invites do it, or put it on the RSVP.)

On the RSVP card we wrote “We have reserved ___ adult seat(s) in your honor”. I think it sounds a little condescending but it doesn’t have to be taken that way. Then on our wedding website we will put an explanation of why we are not allowing children at our wedding along with a short apology. But don’t feel like you have to be super apologetic about it. You are paying probably thousands of dollars on your day, and people should mostly feel grateful to have a night out without the kids. I mean, they have months to plan for it. 

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