Post # 1
Regular bee going anon.
A few months ago I posted about my ex-FI reaching out to me after a year from our break-up after complete no contact. To summarize: he broke things off a few months before our wedding and blamed me for our relationship ending and was in general a pretty cold and mean person as we (I) tried to work things out over a few painful months before splitting up for good. I never found out the exact reasons, but I felt like there was some kind of infidelity at play (emotional, physical, or otherwise). All in all, the ending of the relationship really messed me up and I even tried to date someone totally wrong for me right after for a few months which ended horribly.
Anyway, the ex-FI contacted me a few times in several different ways after his first contact (text, e-mails, phone calls). I finally made it very plain in an e-mail that I was not interested in a relationship of any kind and asked him to please leave me alone, and that seemed to do the trick.
Fast forward to present and I’ve recently started to see someone I really like and feel like I click with (including feelings on kids and basic values). I’m tempering myself and taking things slow, but overall he’s great and I feel like this could go somewhere.
And now fast forward to TODAY in which both my ex-FI and my ex-SO (the one I dated right after my ex-FI) have both tried to contact me. On the same day. One through a phone call to my dad and another through a Facebook message. I mean seriously–did they conspire together on this?!
I’m really tired of people I’ve dated who didn’t want me at the time trying to get back into my graces, especially now when I feel some inkling of genuine happiness with someone else. My immediate response to these exes has been more silence, adding to my Facebook blocked list, and making it clear in no uncertain terms to my family do I want to speak to someone from my past.
My current guy knows about my almost marriage and my dating past (he had also ended a relationship that was close to marriage before dating me), but is there really any delicate way to say ‘hey my exes won’t go away and i don’t want you to be caught unawares’? I feel like he’d be very understanding, but is it worth dragging him into this by telling him?
Post # 2
I just blocked an ex about a week ago on fb. My thing is you weren’t concerned about us walking away with at least a friendship when you were playing with my emotions so dint be considered with a friendship now. You never miss your water until your well runs dry. I wouldn’t drag your new guy into this. Block them and keep living happily and in peace. Silence is golden and sometimes it’s better to leave people exactly where they’re at. By addressing them it could come across like your entertaining the thought of reconciling and also some people love the chase. The fact that you’re taken and they want to see if they can reel you back in for a 2nd round of games. Don’t take the bait.
Post # 3
This always happens to one of my friends. It’s like exes are psychic. Every time there’s a new guy at least one old one pops up out of nowhere. I don’t see any problem bringing it up. That way your bases are covered in the future if this new relationship lasts and it can’t cause issues later on. It’s a new relationship, I would just bring it up in polite conversation, don’t make an huge deal out of it. I always think honesty is best.
Post # 4
You did the right thing by blocking the ex on FB, but you should definitely tell the new guy about the contact attempts otherwise it could look like you’re hiding things from him.
My Darling Husband used to think NOT telling me was the right thing to do and that he was “protecting” me from getting upset when his most recent ex before me tried to make contact, but after a couple of times he quickly learned that it made me even more upset to learn later on during our casual conversations with others that she had texted him or FB messaged him. The woman is a friend of his family so she is unfortunately still around sometimes, and if by chance she tries to contact him now he immediately just hands me his phone and I deal with her myself.
Post # 5
This has happened to me also.
About 6 weeks ago my old boyfriend contacted me and asked to give him another chance. I had just started dating someone and I swear that’s why my ex contacted me when he did. He knew I wasn’t sitting around pining for him.
They must have some special ex sense where they know weve moved on.
Post # 6
I swear, it’s like some psychic bat signal that goes out. I remember my college sweetheart and I did this 2 year on-off thing. During one of our ‘off’ periods, I remember thinking “Wow, I didn’t think about him at all yesterday”. Guess who called me that night?!?!
Post # 7
It’s an innate sense all men have, yet they seem to hone their skills the longer they go with zero contact.
It’s also that same sense men possess where I’ll go ages without getting hit on (x10000 when single), then all of a sudden it’s like I have to beat them off with a broomstick. There’s 2 things that can cause it. One, settling into a happy relationship. OR two, I go into heat, and they act like rabid dogs. And 3rd, it could be possibly blamed on the moon…idk.
Tell me I’m not the only one this happens to…
It’s like I’m a troll all other days of the year and men avoid me at all costs…but by God as soon as I step into a relationship here come the exes & the douchebags.
Post # 8
Post # 9
Years ago, some guy dumped me, and I felt bad for a few weeks. Then one evening I went out for dinner with 2 female coworkers, and we had fun. I was driving home, thinking “wow, that was nice. That is the best I have felt since before the jerk and me met”
Don’t you know, the jerk called me the next day. Not that he knew I was feeling good, I hadn’t told anyone, and he hadn’t been in contact with the friends. I figure he just felt a shift in the Universe that told him the avenue of me was slipping away.
Stupidly, I began seeing him again, to the predictible outcome of another dumping. Eventually I learned.
Post # 10
Thank-you all for your support!
I did decide to briefly mention to my new guy that my exes were contacting me (making it plain that I was absolutely not interested), and he seemed more amused than anything and took it in stride.
What really hit home was that my ex-FI sent me another letter. As far as I can tell it’s the last time he’ll be contacting me, but in it he explained all of the reasons why he did what he did. I thought that was something I wanted to know, but seeing it in writing just makes me feel so much worse. I won’t go into detail about what he said; it just goes to show how you can think you’re really over someone until something like this happens. I have absolutely zero interest in getting back together with him, but now I feel myself having to do an emotional reboot all over again.
Post # 11
anonnymousey: I think you did the right thing. I probably wouldnt say anything just yet to your current guy, unless you feel comfortable enough to share (I tell my fi everything, but depending how serious you are/aren’t just yet it might not feel appropriate) but if your ex(es) try again I’d say something like “ugh wth, ex is pestering me and is ignoring my request for him to f*** off.” that’s probably enough heads up for your SO.
Post # 12
anonnymousey: just saw latest post.
again, I think you did the right thing. Burn the letter and don’t reply. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to unload his burden on to you. What a selfish, asshole move.
Post # 13
They’re exes for a reason, destroy the letter and carry on enjoying your new relationship. Seriously… do it. I wish I would have done that regarding one ex and instead I let him break my heart repeatedly for years.
Post # 14
anonnymousey: Why did you open the letter? If he sent it by mail you should have just sent it back as unclaimed or something (without opening). If an ex tried to send me a letter like that I wouldn’t even bother. This happened to me once. I was already talking to my ex when the other ex called wanting to get back together. I blew him off and never heard from him again.
In my opinion, if the ex keeps trying to commute, just keep ignoring and don’t answer any messages that come from them. If they call, block their number. Make it clear to them that you do not want anything more.