Post # 1
So, I have been pondering how the “dreams” of a baby can be much much different than real life. I know many women experience different emotions, and adjustments as they become mothers for the first time. Did your view on children change after you had one of your very own?
As a woman with insane baby fever I’m constantly day dreaming about what it would be like to be pregnant, give birth, and then have a precious LO of our own for Darling Husband and I to raise with pride and joy. However, I wonder if my sunshiney view on it will be changed when the event actually occurs?
Many women I have spoken with said they were all sunshiney and happy but when the baby came they suddenly had many feelings of “Oh my god, what now?!” or moments where they’re struggling to balance the true needs of a child. I know this also comes with post partum, baby blues, and just processing all of your raging hormones but just curious as to what the hive has experienced.
So…did having your baby live up to your baby fantasies beforehand?
Post # 3
So I’m pregnant for the second time, but no baby yet. Pregnancy is a lot harder than I ever imgined it would be. I can’t tell you about the baby part though.
Post # 4
We all have this vision in our heads when we get pregnant (or want to get pregnant) that we’re going to have a BABY and it’s gonna be CUTE and FUN and we’re going to be one big happy FAMILY and everything will be awesome.
Then the baby comes. And you’re EXHAUSTED, from nine months of pregnancy and birth. And suddenly, you have to take care of this baby. There’s no rest. That first night, it hits you: I need rest more now than ever, and I cannot have it, and I do not know how to swaddle and why is the baby crying and why did it just spit up and do I need to worry? And then you go home and the baby needs feeding every 2 hours. And you still don’t sleep. And your boobs are huge and hurt and milk is leaking and your body is all loose from just giving birth and you don’t feel like yourself and you wonder if your life is ever going to be normal again.
Then a few weeks go by and you get more experienced and less anxious and you lose the baby weight, but your hormones are still crazy even if you don’t have PPD and you and your SO are arguing because the whole thing is just so stressful on BOTH ends.
Eventually, the baby grows up some and you’re sleeping through the night. But at that point, they develop wills of their own and you spend your day correcting them, keeping them from accidentally hurting themselves, and trying to always do the right thing, but sometimes failing because you lose your patience and snap at them or you take your eye off them for one minute and find them playing in a toilet.
Parenthood is rewarding in many ways; it’s such a great thing to watch a baby develop into a real person. But it exhausting, and terrifying, and it NEVER EVER STOPS. And some days you go in a closet and cry because your husband is out of town and bedtime is never going to come and you just can’t take it anymore.
I would never tell someone who wants kids not to have them. But it is not all sunshine and roses and cute and fun all the time. Especially for the first year, it is 90% hard work.
Post # 5
I thought I was totally ready and knew what to expect for pregnancy. I was completely wrong on that aspect and it was totally harder than what I was prepared to endure. Motherhood on the other hand, for me I seem to (so far, we are only 10 weeks into this baby) be mostly prepared for what it involved. I’ve been told a number of times though that I happen to be a “natural mother” and that is quite a blessing. I know it was not that way for my sister with either of her two kids so even after you have one, remember, the next one could be totally different. Either way it is a great experience but there are a lot of humbling and learning moments too.
Post # 6
Yeah, with my first daughter (almost 8), I thought I was all good and prepared. It was a lot harder than I expected, and to be honest, I really didnt’ like her for the first couple months. But as I got used to not sleeping and got to know her better, then of course I grew to love her more. Those first 3 months were beastly though. Now that i am due with my second child, I think I know better what to expect- but I am probably just kidding myself this time too!
Post # 7
I’m pregnant, so I can’t talk on the baby part, but pregnancy is hard. I didn’t think it would be that bad,I actually didn’t even think about the pregnancy part, just the baby,LOL, but I learned my lesson quick.
I know the baby part will be hard. I’m already anticipating the 1st 3 months.
Post # 8
I think this is a personal thing. Some people LOVE being pregnant and enjoy every second of it and love every minute of motherhood and then others just survive it, and others dont enjoy it at all. I love kids and work with kids and i’m pretty confident i will love being a mom. I dont know how the pregnancy part will be though
Post # 9
Well I can say that motherhood is the best feeling in the world.. And I love being a mommy with that being said.. Yes there are really sunshiney moments :)But I am also going to say as far as pregnancy some woman love it.. I am not one of them. I love when they move for the first time, I love when they get the hiccups that hilarious. But I had being swollon, I hate being uncomfortable, and tired no matter what.
After the baby came.. I was so excited to get him home.. Once we got there however.. I had baby blues.. It wasnt that bad, I didnt want to hurt him or anything, but being a first time parent I had major anxiety when He cried and I didnt know why and nothing was helping (he was a colicy baby) sp* So I was very down at times.. I actually felt pretty bad for Fiance bc there were times that Baby b was crying and so was I… Now Im not saying every day is like this!! Not at all! there are such amazing moments and its so fun to watch them grow and learn. But at first it was harder.
Now days (my son is almost one) It is so fun!! He is learning so much and is becoming so independant. I am not trying to crush your sunshiney dreams, bc It is great but not everyday is like that.. Just most of them 😉 But thats what makes life interesting!! Baby fever is something fierce!!
Post # 10
I haven’t been pregnant but I’m the stepmom to a 5 year old and I’ve been lucky to be in his life since the beginning, and I also have two very rambuncious nephews (6 and 3). I’m not with any of them 24/7 but I think being a stepmom and a pretty involved aunt have taught me a lot of what to expect when we have our own kids. Wow. It’s EXHAUSTING!!!! LOL! It is certainly not roses and sunshine. For me, the baby stage was okay (but I wasn’t the one breast feeding the kid), it was once they were toddlers and discovered the act of free will around 2-3 years old. Omg. All of a sudden this tiny person discovers that they don’t have to do what you tell them to and I swear if they knew what the middle finger meant they’d give it to you every day. On the one hand I appreciated that he was old enough to finally verbalize what was wrong, etc but on the other, it’s been really difficult to be patient when this little person is full of angry growing hormones and just going berserk in front of you.
At the end of the day, it’s pretty cool to watch this little person grow up and watch their personality take shape. You have to pack a whole lot of patience and understanding along the way, and remember to step away and take a deep breath when you need it. Darling Husband and I will step in when the other needs a break. Remember to parent as a team, being on the same page and being consistent is definitely the best thing you can do to stay sane!
Post # 11
@TheFutureMcbride we haven’t directly spoken but just wanted to let you know I’ve followed your story on the boards and think you’re amazing! Best wishes for your family, and of course moose. Each time I’ve read your story, a Celine Dion song comes into my mind. Not sure if you’ve heard it, but the lyrics are linked below:
As for all the other ladies, this is absolutely wonderful and candid information! I am not delusional about the difficulties of having a baby, it has definitely been coming across my mind more and more even after a stressful day at work I wonder how we’ll manage those angry feelings with a screaming infant.
Keep your stories coming ladies!
Post # 12
For me pregnancy was a breeze and childbirth was surprisingly easy. But motherhood? HARDS! @ohheavenlyday hit the nail on the head. what she said about needing rest and all of the sudden realizing that you will NEVER get it is rough. We’re all mature enough to realize that having a child is a lifetime of responsibility, but you have no idea how heavy and involved (and awesome) that task can be.
For me, it hit me like a ton a bricks a few weeks after my baby was born. At this point, the immediate family and stream of visitors had come and gone, my husband had gone back to work, and it was just me and the baby for most of the day and I totally was thinking “omg, what now?!” When you’re pregnant with your first child, everyone is so nice to you, always making sure you’re comfortable, always checking in, telling you how cute your bump looks, etc.–it’s all about you!! (It’s kinda like being a Bride at your wedding!) And when your baby is born, of course everyone is all loving and doting, and helping out where they can. But at a certain point, you really realize that it is not all about you. In fact, it is the total opposite of being all about you. It is now all about your baby and caring for the LO becomes a 24-7 job. It is a whole different lifestyle that you really can’t understand until you’re there.
Dont get me wrong. i LOVE my little girl. i love being her mom. i think i’ve grown a whole new heart from watching her grow and becoming a parent. And seeing her laugh and giggle with her daddy and the sound of them napping on the couch…those moments make me happier than i’d ever thought possible. So, yes, in many ways, having a baby did go above and beyond any and all baby fantasies I ever had. BUT, those fantasy moments are definitely grounded in reality. As many of those amazing big love moments I have, there are just as many not-so-glamorous, why-is-my-child-shrieking-at-3am-again moments. The hard stuff definitely becomes easier to deal with over time and the amazing mommy moments are just as awesome.
Post # 13
Currently pregnant with our first child – I’m definitely not idealizing things, I already have those thoughts of “OMG what are we doing?!”
Pregnancy has been easy for me (no sickness, no complications) but I’m still over it and ready to be “done”. I think anyone who has baby fever and only thinks of pregnancy and a baby as a fun little thing to do is going to be in for a rude awakening.
I’m prepared to be exhaused and overwhelmed so I’m sure all the wonderful things will seem that much more amazing.
Post # 14
I’d say it’s an equal mix of not having things being as great as you imagined, and moments where you’re just like “This is better than anything I’ve ever know.”
Post # 15
I knew I’d be exhausted, but I wasn’t prepared for PPD and the fear of the baby dying. I mean, it can really consume you! I think you cannot fully imagine the responsibility until you are there, though. It hits you like a ton of bricks that you are the primary person to keep this innocent and helpless child safe/healthy/nurtured.
I had cared for a lot of babies and am an aunt and was still completely unprepared for the emotional aspects. Also, I thought babies usually STTN once they started doing it…we are just now getting there @ 8 months, and I know that 9 months is usually a set back. Some people have it way worse than us, too!
So, I don’t think it is just a matter of how prepared you were, bc some pregnancies/births/babies are just more difficult than others. That doesn’t mean you won’t love them any less at the end of the day!
Post # 16
@Camrie you’re so right! I had a Girlfriend who was like this (slightly in the clouds about a baby) and had a VERY tough time after the baby came and during pregnancy. She was almost behaving as if she’d been lied to about the truths of having a kid. It got to a point where she was saying that she couldn’t stand her husband because he wanted to spend more time with the baby than her! Rude awakening indeed for that family.
I am just so filled with joy at the thought of starting a family, you know? As this thread demonstrates, everyones experience is unique and so interesting!!