Post # 1
So I was thinking the other day about my past relationships and my current one. I have been in two serious relationships before the one I am in now and marriage talk was brought up in both of them, but to make a long story short, I was always shot down. It wasn’t even an option. I was starting to feel like it would be a trend with me…like something was wrong with me and I wasn’t meant for marriage.
Because I got so screwed over in my past, I knew I was going to bring up marriage early in my current relationship, and that is exactly what I did. I was TERRIFIED of the response I would get. But I got a great one, and I am over the moon happy about it. I can’t believe someone is finally on the same page as me. It feels GREAT.
I think nature just had a way of knowing, because looking back on those past relationships, even if I had convinced one of them to want to get married, it would have never lasted. Forcing or bullying someone to marry you is not the way to go..I learned that if this is what you’re doing, you’re totally not right for eachother.
So, how did you guys feel when you had your first serious discussion about marriage? Were you surprised, happy, dissapointed, or didnt really care? Were you nervous about what he was going to say?
Post # 3
LOL, I’m still waiting to have that conversation 🙁 I’ve been in one other serious relationship, but we both started dating when we were 18, and by 24 it was just ‘one day’. There were other issues but we ended our union. My current serious relationship I am thinking about marriage ALL THE TIME. When I got into my relationship, I was dating around and told every guy “If you are not serious about getting married anytime soon then I don’t have anytime for you”. I had this idea in my head that putting it out there would attract it too me. I am dating a guy now and we have talked about marriage..but to be honest, I wish he would initiate more of the talks. I would like HIM to be the one moving the relationship forward and not me…
I see that you brought it up in this case, is that how it works? Do all women bring it up? I have had this chat with my SO and while I heard what I wanted to hear..it IRKED me that I had to be the one to bring it up in the first place lol.
Post # 4
I don’t even remember our first serious conversation about marriage because we’ve been marriage-oriented since… forever. We’re both “date to marry” types.
Post # 5
My SO is VERY gun-shy when it comes to commitment and future-talk of any kind (it took years for him to plan our vacations a couple months in advance without predicating it with “…if we’re still together”…fun times), so I was very careful to not talk about it and let him go at his own pace.
So when he started dropping the M-word all by himself, I almost had a heart attack, but of course played it totally cool. I guess we didn’t have an official first discussion, but we eased ourselves into it.
We tend to talk “around” each other about scary topics, so we will say casual things like “well this is the kind of wedding I would want, this is how I would want to raise my kids”, “oh yeah me too”, but I got caught in my own head and actually laid everything out once regarding what I wanted re marriage, kids, etc. about six months ago, when we were talking about moving in together (I didn’t want to be the forever live-in). I was scared out of my mind that he would freak out, considering his history. It went well, very productive and constructive conversation and I was relieved and very happy, but I definitely saw him freak out a little behind his eyes, so my idea is to let it drop except for emergency brain melting or casual conversation like before. There’s been only a couple of times the former has happened since then (with good cause – like mid house hunting), and it’s gone well, but I’m nervous every time. And of course every time we casually discuss it, I’m silently stoked!
Sorry, that was way long, but I get anxious and excited just thinking about it!
Post # 6
My SO and I both agreed that we didn’t want to date someone that we couldn’t see ourselves marrying. So, marriage has been the goal from day one. It’s pretty much always been “when we get married…”. I don’t even remember when we started talking timelines. Fortunately I’ve never really had to worry about him wanting to marry me.
Post # 7
In my previous seriously relationship before Nerd, the guy I was with and I had talked about marriage and are following the same time line right now, 2 1/2 years in and I am like okay yeah, I want this, why haven’ you proposed?! My ex after we broke said that he was going to propose but that was a very bad relationship so I’m VERY glad he never did. When Nerd and I started to talk about marriage a year ago, I told him about that relationship and I have had moments when I compare the two relationships but it’s actually really bad that I do compare them because it’s is totally different.
I was very pleased about our conversations about marriage and the next steps in our relationship and we cotinue to talk about it.
Post # 8
@veryberry13: I too wanted him to intiate it, and 9 times out of 10, it seems like it’s the woman doing it! I will say that he was the first to openly say he wanted kids and if I didnt I might as well walk, so it was a great opener for me to say “I want to be married before kids” 😉
Needless to say, the talks got much easier after that.
Post # 9
The conversation was very easy and relaxed. We both knew in the back of our minds that it was going to end in marriage. Fast forward 4.5 years and I’m still waiting for a proposal…I’m so over it!
Post # 10
@Aklove: I was so happy and excited. SO and I were only dating for 4 months or so, and then we started reallly talking marriage when we were dating 5 months. I had been screwed over so many times before so the fact that SO brought it up was surprising and exciting for me. He’s the one who actually told me to go get sized.
SO admitted two nights ago when we went out to dinner that he would have proposed on 3/13/13 (to keep our pattern dates going) if he hadn’t lost his job in December. It was due to the company thinking they’d need more employees but when the slow season hit, they decided to let go the last two people who were hired. He has an interview tomorrow which is promising, so I hope he gets it. I don’t know if this will still have him planning on proposing 3/13, but we’ll see.