How does your SO react if you turn him down for sex?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: How does your SO handle getting turned down for sex?
    SO takes it in stride. : (320 votes)
    54 %
    Sometimes SO is fine with it, but other times he gets mad. : (118 votes)
    20 %
    SO doesn't take getting turned down well. : (47 votes)
    8 %
    I never turn SO down for sex. : (111 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4690 posts
    Honey bee

    I don’t know that I’ve ever totally turned him down… 

    I have said I didn’t want to do it in the shower and that we could move it to the bedroom. He whined for a second and turned off the shower. That was about it. 

    Post # 4
    Hostess
    3376 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    FI handles it pretty well. Especially since I’ve been closing at work, if I say I’m too tired, then I mean it. To be fair, my BC kills my sex drive so sometimes it just takes a little coaxing on his part, LOL!

    This morning he woke me up at 4 (our alarm goes off at 5) by kissing my neck and I couldn’t say no. What better way to start the day right? Haha.  

    Post # 5
    Member
    6746 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    My SO was like that at first, until I had a talk with him.  I told him acting that way makes me even more turned off.  Most of the time I was turning him down b/c I wasn’t in the mood or too tired or had to get up early.  He’s learned to ask earlier in the evening and try to turn me on first.  If I’m not in the mood, I will at least do other favors for him, so he gets his relief.  As long as it’s not midnight and I have to be up early for work.  That’s the only time I’ll still say no and he understands and is OK with it.  That type of behavior though is really unacceptable. It’s immature and it implies that he expects something that you have to do.  That’s not ok.  You don’t have to have sex with him.  Buy him a bottle of lotion and remind him he has a hand next time he acts that way. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1250 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    I don’t turn DH down, often, so when I do, it’s because I really don’t feel good.  Usually it turns into a back rub instead!  Always nice!

    Post # 8
    Member
    915 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    It’s almost always the other way around.

    Post # 9
    Member
    14702 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    DH has never gotten mad about it.  I wonder if your SO doesn’t even realize that he is sulking, have you tried talking to him about it and telling him how it makes you feel? 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Wow. I can’t imagine tolerating someone who gave a tantrum because I didn’t give him sex. How do you react to the mini-tantrums? 

    When I usually turn my FI down, I’m tired. For some reason he loves to do it in the morning and I can never get myself to. He’s given up trying to get me to do it in the morning. But when I say no, he’s always super good about it.

    It’s like he can just have an off switch and turn it back on whenever he needs it. Love that about him. Then again, he’s pretty much the most considerate and laidback guy I’ve ever met. Being in a relationship with him is easy.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    9174 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I can’t say he’s ever been mad….usually if I have to turn him down it’s because it’s my bedtime and I’m sleepy.  I am not 21 anymore, and I need my sleep!  Or if I have a headache (I frequently get headaches or migraines).   He just jokes that I “turned him down” and that’s it.  No bad feelings. But I think he’s learning that the hour before I go to bed is more ideal!

    Oh and I second PP, if I feel bad and turn him down I usually get a back or head massage out of it.  And sometimes that makes me more open to the idea! Wink

    Post # 13
    Member
    758 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Yeah, I don’t know how much I could tolerate my FI acting sulky and slamming doors like a bratty man-child when I turn him down.  I’d have a talk with him to see if he realizes how ridiculous he’s behaving.

    If I turn FI down for sex, he just sighs and goes to bed.  Or has solo time.  Tell you SO he has two working hands*.

     

     

    *Only tell him this if he does.  If he lost both hands in a freak childhood accident, it may make him more sulky. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    With grace and understanding–but I think that’s mostly because we’re very sexually compatible and I don’t turn him down often. If I’m really tired or not in the mood one night, it’s mutually understood that he’ll be getting some the next day come hell or high water, so there’s not really much point in his getting all huffy. I don’t leave him unsatisfied for days on end, and I would never, ever turn him down twice in a row unless I was sick or something. If I truly didn’t want to I’d at least give him a very enthusiastic BJ. Being shot down hurts, and feeling like your partner is indifferent to your needs or isn’t hot for you really, really sucks. It sounds to me like your SO is seriously dissatisfied with your sex life. You need to find more constructive ways to deal with this than writing him off as ridiculous/sulky/childish. This is your problem too.

    ETA: Just read your later comments. I’m sorry he’s acting this way–you definitely need to talk to him and figure out what, exactly, he’s trying to accomplish by acting that way. If he’s getting it regularly and still hounding you and then sulking, then I take it back–he IS being ridiculous and childish.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2214 posts
    Buzzing bee

    He usually gives me a pouty face as a last-ditch effort, which sometimes works, but then he just forgets about it. We have pretty similar sex drives so neither of us gets turned down very often.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2903 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    It depends on what is going on. I have IBS so sometimes it is hard for me to even feel sexy when I am having issues. But usually he is okay with getting turned down… I usually remind him how much he has already gotten that week to put into perspective and usually that makes him thankful for how often he really does get it…lol.

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