(Closed) How do/Should I talk to him about this?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The principle of the thing? What principle is that? “I want to share with him a song that he doesn’t like.” If you really like a message in the song, something in the lyrics, tell him about it like: “I heard a song lyric the other day that I really liked. It goes Blah blah blah.” 

If he doesn’t like the song from the start you’re not going to get anywhere trying to make him listen to it again and appreciate the melody/whatever. Share with him what you like about it if you want to. 

Honestly though, if I said to my husband, “What do you think of this song” and he hated it, I’d ask him what he hated about it, store that info away in my brain and let it go. Is this a big deal?

Post # 4
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

If I expected him to react in a certain way, and would be hurt by any other reaction, I’d tell him what I expected of him before springing it on him. “I really like this song and will be hurt if you don’t” would have been a good warning.

That being said… I think this is a silly thing to get upset about. What would you want him to do? Fake it? I think that music is one of the better things to disagree about. I’d rather hate all the music my SO plays than hate the way he talks to me.

Post # 5
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@AmyDee:  Advice?  There are bigger battles in life.  He’s a dude & will never, ever read that far into music.  Let this go.

Post # 6
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think this is something that needs to be talked about. He didn’t like the song. People have different tastes, it’s okay.

I don’t see how there’s anything else at play here at all. You wanted to share the song with him, you did, he listened and just didn’t like it. It sounds like you’re really just upset that he didn’t like what you like, but you’re trying to convince yourself that it’s actually something else.

Post # 8
Member
5957 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Meh, he didn’t like the song, should he have made a face?  No!  And for that infraction you should listen to it as often and as loudly as possible.  But don’t let it hurt your feelings, at all.  Acapella is just not an every day kinda guy thing, and he probably doesn’t get it.  I’m married to one of the toughest, meanest, crabbiest sons of bitches this side of the mason Dixie line, but that man sings like an angel….only he refuses to sing for anyone but me.  And I get it,  when we sing, we are literally allowing the feelings we carry within to manifest in an audible way, pretty intimidating….your guy probably did like the song, but will die before he admits that loud.

Post # 9
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

hmmm i kinda get what you mean but also think he probably didnt mean it the way you took it. sometimes my Darling Husband will play a song i cant stand and i immediatley say “NOPE turn off…off…OFF!” while i dont mean to hurt Darling Husband feelings I can see why it would be taken as being dismissive to something he likes, it would be nicer to just allow him to play the song because it makes him happy and we all want to my our SO happy right?

You didn’t say in your post if you explained to him that you’ve been listening to this band and you love this song so you wanted to share it with him before playing the song, so im assuming you just played it, in which case he probably didnt realize what it meant to you. I know it may sound like just a song to some bees, and not worth being upset about, but I know when i discover a new band or genre of music and i really love a song, especially if its upbeat, it brings all this positve happy emotions in me and I get excited to share great music with other ppl. BUT i always keep in mind that everyone has diff tastes in music so something i might find transcendant might cause someone else to grimace like ”wth is this?” lol

i think its not the fact that he didnt like it, its that he didnt have tact with expressing his dislike to something you truly enjoy, yes? if it really bothers you maybe you should explain to him why you’re upset but also realize he probably didnt know the song had special meaning to you.

Post # 10
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Almost immediately he makes this disgusted, incredulous face, like what he’s listening to is so weird that he can’t stand it.  I immediately turn it off,

This reaction indicates to me that this was his gut reaction. Kind of like when you eat something sour you have a physical facial reaction. It wasnt done with the intent of being rude to you. If he had said things that were horrible, then maybe I would see where you are coming from, but instead he just gave his honest reaction.

I can totally see myself doing the same thing. If you dont like something you dont have to pretend to like it. He gave it a chance and didnt like it.

Maybe next time preface it with  “I really like this, give it 30 seconds before you make a judgement”

Post # 11
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think maybe – taking the actual specifics out of the story – him dismissing the song (which is a ‘silly’ thing to be upset over) is not actually the issue!  It was perhaps him dismissing your excitement?!  I suppose, then, if I am correct than being proactive about how you feel would not be a bad thing, as long as you discuss your actual problem, and do not harp on the fact he did not like that song.  Because, yes, if he does not know that it bothers you that he dismissed your excitement at that moment, then God forbid he does it for other ‘things’ you may encounter.  And those things can range from the kick butt deal you got an awesome purchase, to the fact you got a huge compliment at work for a job well done. 

Although he may never be as excited as you in those moments, just listening to you, or re-affirming your excitement would be a nice gesture!  That is how I would approach it…

I am assuming a lot in my post back to you, but I hope this helps 🙂

Post # 12
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee

My husband is a musician, so everytime I hear a new song I REALLY like and just HAVE to share with him ’cause its such a friggin’ great song and I’m SURE he’ll appreciate it, more often than not he’s not a fan of it.  So, I just remind myself that he likes songs I don’t like, our taste can be different at times and move on, still enjoying listening to the amaze-balls song.  Mind you, he’s never “made a face”, but I know him and his expressions he makes when he doesn’t like something.  And I usually immediately figure out what he doesn’t like about it.. go figure.

Anyway, point is, don’t make a big deal about it.  Everyone has different tastes in music, and sometimes if we’re not a fan of something, we become so engrossed in it (as one might do if they like the song, as well) we don’t think about the other person.  Keep lovin’ and listening to your fav song!

Post # 13
Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I think this is kinda silly to be upset enough that you’d come to weddingbee to complain about it, but I’m assuming his over the top reaction is what bothered you, since it’s a bit immature. If you want to address that he shouldn’t react so badly to something stupid like a song, that’s fine. If you’re just offended that he didn’t like it, that’s something you have to get over.

Post # 14
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think there’s any problem at all here, except maybe the OP needing to be a little more thick-skinned about things. When we are in any kind of long-term relationship with someone, be it romantic or platonic, we get comfortable with that other person.  Part of this comfort level means we get to stop using our “polite society” filters, and be open and honest with our thoughts and feelings. When that filter comes off, we do get a much more deep and private look at that other person, but the price for getting that deepness is that we also lose some of the sugar-coating that people sometimes use to make the “bad news” go down a little easier. 

People in a romantic relationships shouldn’t have to be cautious and careful about their responses.  We need to learn to separate our partners’ response to a thing— a song, a favorite food, an outfit, a tv show, whatever— from their responses to us. Anyone who loves stinky cheese knows what I mean—- when I offer Darling Husband a chunk of gorgonzola and he makes a face and calls it “grim” I know that it’s the cheese he finds grim, not me, and I will get my chance to make a face when he tries to feed me marmite (which I absolutely call grim).  Of course if he’s shouting “That song sucks, you have horrible taste in music and you’re a stupid person for even thinking I’d like to pollute my ears with that,” then you have a respect problem. But if you’re planning to be together for many years, there will be plenty of eyeball-rolling, heavy sighs, and faces in your future. It’s normal for people to have different tastes, and to express them!

Post # 16
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@AmyDee: 

 

You’re not asking stupid questions. This was something that bothered you and you needed feedback. It’s not always what we want to hear, but it does help bring a little clarity to the situation when you have several outsiders giving you a different view.

 

I like a lot of music SuperFine doesn’t like. He can make all the faces he wants and he can even say shitty things about the band. Doesn’t make a bit of difference to me. I’ll still turn it up. ESPECIALLY since I have to live eat breathe football from August to February because he loves it so much. 

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