Post # 1
I have a guest list conundrum. Let’s see if this makes sense:
I have a close friend that would normally be on any guest list I create. However, two years ago she had a falling out with our larger group of friends and then sealed the deal by cheating on her husband with my FIs best friend/promising to leave her husband for said friend.
FIs best friend is of course just “member” of his family so we chose not to invite my close friend and her husband to save us all from the drama/uncomfort.
There are a few people I’ve invited that still hang out with her regularly and she must know by now that she didn’t get a STD.
My question is: Do I leave this alone and rely on the fact that she’s a bright lady and will figure it out? Should I write her a note? Call her?
Any advice Bees? Thank you!
Post # 3
@paperwhite: IMO if she’s not getting an invite, she’s going to figure out that she’s not invited. I don’t think you need to make it a point to tell her she’s not invited. If this was any other person that you know, but weren’t inviting, would you call them to say “oh btw, you’re not invited to the wedding”?
Post # 5
I would leave this alone unless she brings it up or you hear comments.
Post # 6
@paperwhite: I agree with the PP – leave this one alone. If she chooses to approach you about it, deal with it then.
Post # 7
I wouldnt say anything unless she brings it up to you
Post # 8
@anotherbee: Excellent point. Four for you Glen Coco!
Post # 9
You don’t need to inform people when they are not invited. The invitation invites someone. No invitation means they are not invited. If she asks you, then tell her, but there’s no reason to say it on your own.
Post # 10
I feel like it would be a slap in the face if you went out of your way to tell her she wasn’t invited to your wedding. Just don’t send her an invite, and if she asks you about it later, you can explain the situation. Otherwise, just don’t send her an invite.
Post # 11
I agree w/PP leave it alone… hopefully she’ll catch on. I don’t even know how you would start the handwritten note or the phone call.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t say a thing. As others have said, a bright girl would figure this out for herself (and lets face it she knows what went down… she did)
IF by some incredible odd thing she feels she needs to out this with you…
“I notice I didn’t get an Invite”
Then ya, I suppose you’d have to say something to her then… lol, in which case I’d be tempted to say
“Well it is incredibly rude for you to ask WHERE is your Invite … but as you have. You are not invited because I feel it will make some of my other guests feel uncomfortable to have you there known your history with them”
That is it… all you have to say.
She’ll either go “uh-hon, whatever” and move on herself (get over it)… or she’ll hold a grudge against you to the point that your relationship with her will be truly over.
(DO NOT get into an argument / discussion with her about it… just more drama)
Personally, as a married person (and one that takes marriage seriously)… I am of the opinion that WHO really needs friends like this? Those that take marriage so lightly, as to cheat on their Hubby and more so with someone within their own circle… thereby just dragging more people into the painful scenario. Who needs that kind of drama in their life ? Not me. If she chooses to drop you and your Hubby from her mix in return… so be it.
Hope this helps,
Post # 13
are you still friends with her?
Post # 14
Normally I would just leave it alone. Is she a close friend?
I didn’t invite two old co-workers, that I haven’t hung up with in about a year and half and one of them just messaged me on Monday asking if she is invited to the wedding because she really wants to come. If you have to ask, then you should already know. I don’t mean to sound mean, but before I switched jobs her and I got into this huge argment at work. Which was totally uncalled for all because she was mad at something she thought I did, until the boss advised her it was something she had done. lol And the girl still never apoligized. It was bad!!!!
But my point is…if you have to ask then your not invited…She will figure it out 🙂