(Closed) How Early is Too Early to Ask??

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think it’s really up to you. You’ll know the right time when it comes. My fiance and I had already discussed who we wanted in our wedding before we’d even gotten engaged. And for me, I’ve known since I was about 13 who three of my bridesmaids would be.

I asked my sister to by my Maid/Matron of Honor about 45 minutes after we got engaged. She used to complain that she never knew what was going on in my life until way after it had happened so I wanted to call her first. Also, she lives about 6 hours away from us so I knew I couldn’t tell her in person.

Four of my other bridesmaids I asked that same day too. One is my fiance’s sister, two are sisters and have been pseudo sisters to my sister and me for nearly 15 years now, and the other is my best friend. It was either the day after we got engaged or two days later that I asked my cousin, whom I’m very very close with. And back in May I asked my fiance’s other sister.

So, I asked most of my girls right away because I knew before we were even engaged that I wanted them as bridesmaids. We will have been engaged for 25 months when we get married next October (yay for October brides!!!). It felt right for me when I asked them. You’ll know when it’s the right time to ask your girls too. 🙂

Post # 18
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@bklynbridetobe: I agree. Do some looking around these forums, there are tons of girls stuck in situations where they asked someone to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man way ahead of time because it’s family or they’ve been friends forever, and now they’re wishing they’d never asked. Almost two years before is way too soon in my opinion.

Post # 19
Member
2977 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This is a tough call, b/c none of us know these girls like you! I asked DH’s 2 sisters and my 2 best friends the week we got engaged. One of my best friends is no longer my friend at all- she went bat shit crazy during my engagement, ruined my bachelorette and dropped out 21 days before the wedding. Unfortunately weddings can really do a number on some people, especially if they’re waiting and jealous. But not everyone has horror stories either, and weddings can bring your girlfriends and you even closer than before. Do what feels right. If you want to wait, I wouldn’t walt longer than 10 months out.

Post # 20
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

I would say go for it if you are 100% sure- your sisters, for one, aren’t going anywhere!  However, you just need to be mindful that sometimes, stuff happens.  For example, a close friend of mine was married this year and asked me to be co-MOH with another girl she was close with.  She ended up really regretting asking this girl to be her Maid/Matron of Honor because by the time the wedding arrived 2 years later, they were no longer close and she didn’t like having to pretend they were just for one day. 

Post # 21
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would ask the most important BMs first (family and others that you know you 100% want in the wedding and under no circumstance would think about removing from the wedding).  Then I would wait a little bit to ask the others as sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people and you might change your mind.  I wish I had waited to ask one of my BMs – she met a guy, got engaged and got dumped all within the year and a half between my engagement and wedding and the whole experience was nothing but drama.

Post # 22
Member
4885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would not ask anyone, not a single soul, until you’re within a year.

Post # 23
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it is up to you. I asked my bridesmaids right away and I got engaged in Aug 2010 and am getting married Sept 2012. But my fiance did not finally ask his groomsmen until this past month, but it’s because he lags. I had to push him to get a move on it because we are now 9 months out and so I wanted him to just get it done already. 

I had originally planned on asking 1 year from the wedding to ask my bridesmaids, but I got too excited, lol. So it doesn’t matter. Do what you want to do and I am sure your future brother in law will be flattered. 

Post # 24
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think it’s too early if you know who you want in your wedding party. I could have asked my bff to be my Maid/Matron of Honor the day we got engaged.

Post # 25
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you have a long engagement.. definitely wait. You won’t need bridesmaids early on in the planning and it will save stress later if bridesmaid drama were to arise. 

But, if it’s a short engagement (8 or fewer months) go ahead and pick them. You’ll need to begin planning immediately and hopefully everyone will be too busy helping you to get into any friendship threatening arguments. 

Post # 26
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I just asked my last one yesterday, and we’re getting married in April of 2013. One is Future Sister-In-Law, one is lifelong best friend (13+ years now) and the other is my closest friend throghout college. Future Sister-In-Law and lifelong best friend all live close, and my other Maid/Matron of Honor closest friend and I haven’t ever lived near each other, so I know that our friendship will maintain.

Like other PPs, I actually thought it may be too early to ask, but I couldn’t keep the secret to myself haha.

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