Post # 1
My fiance and I have been engaged for about 3 months, and are thinking about a Summer 2019 wedding. We don’t have a date yet and haven’t booked anything officially. We are leaning toward a smaller event and haven’t decided if we are going to have a wedding party, or if we do, how many people will be in it. How early do we need to decide if we are going to do the whole bridesmaids/groomsmen thing, and start asking people? I was thinking that we certainly didn’t need to decide that before we’ve even found our venue or booked a date. But now I’m wondering because my future sister-in-law was asking about her role at our event and I think hinting at whether she would be a bridesmaid or not.
Also, just for context, I do not come from a social circle that does the formal bridal party proposal thing. The 2 times I have been in weddings, the word bridesmaid wasn’t even used – I was basically just asked “hey, will you wear a dress this color and stand with me during the ceremony?”.
Post # 2
I’ve heard a year out is good. Relationships can change and it’s better to wait and make sure you don’t drift. However, if you’re sure of certain members (such as sisters and SILs) then really whenever you want! If you’re waiting I would just make it clear you haven’t asked anyone yet if someone is putting out feelers because you wouldn’t want them to think you’ve already asked people and they simply weren’t chosen.
Post # 3
I asked my bridesmaids before we set a date, to make sure they didn’t have conflicting plans! So probably like 16 months before our wedding (although I know a lot of bees will say that is super early and your relationships can change for the worse in that time frame). But it worked out perfectly for us. I would have felt weird waiting a long time to ask people after we got engaged.
Post # 4
I asked mine 14 months in advance. You really only need to be sure of 2 things before you ask– who you want to ask, and what the date is!
Post # 5
I asked mine officially about 14 months in advance, but 3 of the girls already knew I’d be asking them beforehand. You definitely want to have a date secured first, and you also want to make sure you leave enough time for them to get dresses and have them altered, but there’s really no right time to do it. Just once you determine who you want by your side and know you won’t regret that decision, go ahead and ask!
Post # 6
My theory is about 9 months. It shouldn’t take longer to pick out bridesmaid dresses and “prepare” for being in a wedding than it takes to conceive and birth a child. I wouldn’t do more than a year – relationships and circumstances can change.
For sure I wouldn’t do it before you have a date and location. I’ve seen lots of hurt feelings happen when peopke ask before then and discover the bridesmaid can’t make the date or they agreed only for the couple to decide they want a destination wedding and that puts a lot of financial pressure on the wedding party. I believe they should be able to make an informed choice – which means knowing the date and location they are agreeing to upfront rather than agreeing generally to be in the wedding party with plans TBD later.
Post # 7
It’s generally accepted that you shouldn’t ask anyone more than a year out, just because your relationships with people might change. We asked our bridal party about 14 months before our wedding, but we had a date booked and wanted to make sure that they had plenty of notice (our wedding was in December, so a very busy time of year for most people). I definitely wouldn’t ask anyone until you’ve got a date locked in with a venue.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone! It sounds like we should wait until we have the date and venue locked in, which should be within the next couple of months. That will still be almost a year in advance, and I’m not going to ask them to wear specific dresses anyway, probably just a general color palette.
Post # 9
Our wedding is June 2019, and I’ll be asking my side this month. Mostly because one of them lives a plane ride away, and I was planning on going dress shopping during the summer and if she wants to be there for it, she would have to book a flight. We have date, venue, photographer, and videographer booked.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
For sure wait until you have a date and venue. I asked 9 months out and now I realize it was too early. If I had waited until 6 months, it would have been way less of a headache for everyone. The earlier you ask, the more breeding ground for bridesmaid drama…everyone thinks it won’t happen to them until it does. A wedding is not worth losing friends over nor is it worth the extra few months of stress just because you’re excited.
If people start asking, just say, “we are focusing on some of the other major items first, we’ll see later about other things like bridal party”.
Also, wait until you have 1-2 dress options and a color picked out. DO NOT ask too many people about their opinions on colors and dresses…believe me it’s a massive headache dealing with all the girls’ opinions on what color would look best on them and what style of dress would or wouldn’t look good on them.
Post # 11
I suggest waiting until you have a date and venue booked. Ask all your bridesmaids around the same time so no one feels like am after thought.
Post # 12
All within 2 weeks of being engaged
Post # 13
I wanted to wait until a year before, but it’s happened 18 months before haha. My bridesmaids are my sister and sister-in-law, so naturally it was going to come up in conversation about who I was thinking of making my bridesmaids. When my sister asked the other day, I just said “You’re going to be my maid of honour, if you’re happy to”!
Post # 14
I think it depends on the relationships you have with the girls you want to ask. My matron of honor has known since before I was engaged because that’s all we ever talk about lol! I decided on a small wedding party because I didn’t want the stress of having to choose between friends, so I’m just doing my best friend as MoH, my fiancé’s sister and another one of my close friends as bridesmaids and my cousin as a junior bridesmaid. My parents are throwing us an engagement brunch next month (June 2018) and we are getting married in July 2019, so that’s where I’ll be officially asking them all.
Post # 15
I think it depends on who you intend to ask. I asked my sister and bestfriend (25+ years) the day we got engaged. I wanted their input on dates since they both have kids and busy schedules. It was very important to me that they be able to attend. He did the same with his groomsmen (all family)