How early should you ask your wedding party?

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I’ve heard a year out is good. Relationships can change and it’s better to wait and make sure you don’t drift. However, if you’re sure of certain members (such as sisters and SILs) then really whenever you want! If you’re waiting I would just make it clear you haven’t asked anyone yet if someone is putting out feelers because you wouldn’t want them to think you’ve already asked people and they simply weren’t chosen. 

Post # 3
Member
2799 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I asked my bridesmaids before we set a date, to make sure they didn’t have conflicting plans! So probably like 16 months before our wedding (although I know a lot of bees will say that is super early and your relationships can change for the worse in that time frame). But it worked out perfectly for us. I would have felt weird waiting a long time to ask people after we got engaged.

Post # 4
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I asked mine 14 months in advance. You really only need to be sure of 2 things before you ask– who you want to ask, and what the date is!

Post # 5
Member
895 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I asked mine officially about 14 months in advance, but 3 of the girls already knew I’d be asking them beforehand. You definitely want to have a date secured first, and you also want to make sure you leave enough time for them to get dresses and have them altered, but there’s really no right time to do it. Just once you determine who you want by your side and know you won’t regret that decision, go ahead and ask!

Post # 6
Member
4579 posts
Honey bee

My theory is about 9 months.  It shouldn’t take longer to pick out bridesmaid dresses and “prepare” for being in a wedding than it takes to conceive and birth a child.  I wouldn’t do more than a year – relationships and circumstances can change.

For sure I wouldn’t do it before you have a date and location.  I’ve seen lots of hurt feelings happen when peopke ask before then and discover the bridesmaid can’t make the date or they agreed only for the couple to decide they want a destination wedding and that puts a lot of financial pressure on the wedding party.  I believe they should be able to make an informed choice – which means knowing the date and location they are agreeing to upfront rather than agreeing generally to be in the wedding party with plans TBD later.

Post # 7
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

It’s generally accepted that you shouldn’t ask anyone more than a year out, just because your relationships with people might change. We asked our bridal party about 14 months before our wedding, but we had a date booked and wanted to make sure that they had plenty of notice (our wedding was in December, so a very busy time of year for most people). I definitely wouldn’t ask anyone until you’ve got a date locked in with a venue.

Post # 9
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Our wedding is June 2019, and I’ll be asking my side this month. Mostly because one of them lives a plane ride away, and I was planning on going dress shopping during the summer and if she wants to be there for it, she would have to book a flight. We have date, venue, photographer, and videographer booked.

Post # 10
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

For sure wait until you have a date and venue.  I asked 9 months out and now I realize it was too early. If I had waited until 6 months, it would have been way less of a headache for everyone. The earlier you ask, the more breeding ground for bridesmaid drama…everyone thinks it won’t happen to them until it does. A wedding is not worth losing friends over nor is it worth the extra few months of stress just because you’re excited.

If people start asking, just say, “we are focusing on some of the other major items first, we’ll see later about other things like bridal party”. 

Also, wait until you have 1-2 dress options and a color picked out. DO NOT ask too many people about their opinions on colors and dresses…believe me it’s a massive headache dealing with all the girls’ opinions on what color would look best on them and what style of dress would or wouldn’t look good on them. 

Post # 11
Member
1539 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I suggest waiting until you have a date and venue booked. Ask all your bridesmaids around the same time so no one feels like am after thought.

Post # 12
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

All within 2 weeks of being engaged 

Post # 13
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I wanted to wait until a year before, but it’s happened 18 months before haha. My bridesmaids are my sister and sister-in-law, so naturally it was going to come up in conversation about who I was thinking of making my bridesmaids. When my sister asked the other day, I just said “You’re going to be my maid of honour, if you’re happy to”! 

Post # 14
Member
35 posts
Newbee

I think it depends on the relationships you have with the girls you want to ask. My matron of honor has known since before I was engaged because that’s all we ever talk about lol! I decided on a small wedding party because I didn’t want the stress of having to choose between friends, so I’m just doing my best friend as MoH, my fiancé’s sister and another one of my close friends as bridesmaids and my cousin as a junior bridesmaid. My parents are throwing us an engagement brunch next month (June 2018) and we are getting married in July 2019, so that’s where I’ll be officially asking them all.

Post # 15
Member
863 posts
Busy bee

I think it depends on who you intend to ask. I asked my sister and bestfriend (25+ years) the day we got engaged. I wanted their input on dates since they both have kids and busy schedules. It was very important to me that they be able to attend. He did the same with his groomsmen (all family)

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors