Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2015 - Beach
I’m torn about changing my last name after I get married. No, I’m not a super career girl where my name MEANS something, but I feel like my last name is a part of my identity I might lose if I change it to my husbands’ name. I’ve talked to friends about it when they got married, and they said it wasn’t a hard choice and sort of looked at me like “why WOULDN’T I change my last name?”
I’m torn between keeping it, hyphenating (and then in WHICH ORDER do I hyphenate?) or changing entirely.
How was the decision for you?
Post # 2
- Wedding: Cottage on the Creek
lol I’m a Smith so I’ve been looking forward to dropping the name since preschool when I was one of 3 smiths in my class of 20
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2015 - Coastal Maine inn
I feel the same way – it was really, REALLY difficult for me to decide what I wanted to do. My name is important from a career-perspective, but not nearly as important as it is to me emotionally. I’m very close with my family, and it feels wrong to abandon that part of myself. I decided, after a lot of thought, that I would take my future husband’s name in addition to my current full name. So, First Middle1 Middle2 (maiden name) NewLast. It felt right to me to gain a name, rather than lose one, since I’m gaining a husband 🙂
I asked future hubs if he would be willing to do the same (take my last name as a middle name), and he said yes! It feels so much more equal and in the spirit of partnership to me to both change our names. We’ll go by Mr. and Mrs. LastName, but my maiden name will still be a part of both of us.
Post # 4
Miss Coral: I’m becoming a smith, and I’m excited about it! My current last name is also common, so I’m used to it.
As for losing your identity by changing, OP, I still call all my married friends by their maiden names as a nickname, so it is always a part of them.
Post # 5
I hyphenated for similar reasons using MAIDEN-MARRIED. However, I decided to just use my married name socially and maiden name professionally (I wanted them both part of my legal name because I am in the academia where I deal with things like copyrights and I wanted to share part of my name with my husband and future kids). It makes my legal name really long, but I never really use it. It is slightly annoying that I have to combine the names into one on airplane tickets, and take a bit longer spelling out my long name to insurance companies ect., however I love how completely unique my name is and it really is the best of all situations.
However, even though I didn’t get rid of my name, I still got emotional changing it. I’m very attached to my name, and it felt like an end of an era. However, I’m glad I did. I love my husband, and I’m very proud to share part of his name.
Post # 6
i had no problem taking my husband’s name and i was 32 when i got married.
Post # 7
Megbee617: I was the same way, until I came to a realization, my last name wasn’t my identity and had nothing to do with it. I create the person I am, not my last name. My last name was my definer, I was. Once I realized this, I dropped my name and picked up my husband’s name. Now I love having his last name as my name. You make your identity, not your name.
Post # 8
It was hard for me because I’m one of three girls and I felt so guilty that my Dad wouldn’t be able to “pass his name on” or whatever. And family is the most important thing in the world to me. I wanted to always be part of the “MaidenName” family. Plus my last name was really cool. Most people would joke that my Darling Husband should be taking my name cuz it was better.
But ultimately that’s why it felt so nice to drop it. I didn’t really realize it until I started using it in my head for myelf while we were engaged. My maiden name always elicits a response from people because it’s “cool” but I’m a quiet person – I don’t like the attention. So having a name that lets me just blend in with the crowd is really nice and feel much better.
And it’s not like I’m any less of a part of my family. duh. So even though it was emotional at first, once I sat with it for a while, I realized I really loved my new name.
My advice is to try your name options out in your mind and see if there’s one that feels right for you. Like next time you have to sign something – think to yourself, how would it feel if I were using NameA or NameB? Try to think of it in different settings like at work or at the pharmacy or on your email account or on facebook.
Post # 9
jesssr: I still do the same with married friends. It’s how I knew them, so just because their last name changed doesn’t mean that nicknames do too.
I’m going from a common, to another common. On my dad’s side, we had 2 boys (cousins) that will carry on the name. However, I thought it would be fun to name a child (boy, mainly) after my maiden name. BUT, Fiance already has a nephew with that name so that doesn’t work. I suppose it could still be used for a middle name.
I’m Ok with the name change, but haven’t really thought about it – and I’m 2.5 weeks away from my wedding and having to deal with that.
Post # 10
I feel the same. Our 3 year anniversary is coming up in October, and I have yet to change my last name, except on Facebook lol.
My dad isn’t really in my life, so there is no real reason to keep my family name. I am starting a career in real estate where I believe my maiden name will help me stick out, as it’s kind of unique, but that’s not the best excuse because my husband’s last name is even more unique, just harder to pronounce, and not as “esthetically pleasing” if that makes sense lol.
Another reason I haven’t changed it yet is because Darling Husband is constantly booking us trips, so of course my passport/license has to match the name on the flights (especially internationally) so there has never been a lull where I actually have the chance to go change everything. I kid you not, he’s on his ipad while we’re at the airport, booking us the next one. He can’t stay in one place lol.
I think it’s just a few little reasons that have added up to me not having the chance/wanting to change it. When we have kids, I will definitely change it. Until then, I am happy keeping my maiden name. Darling Husband was a little hurt at first that I wasn’t changing it right away, but he understands the reasons why I haven’t yet.
Post # 11
Megbee617: It was super easy for me- but my lat name was my adopted fathers last name so it didn’t really hold a ton of significance for me anyway. Maybe if I had my original last name from my mom before she married my adopted dad I would have felt differently, but maybe not since it was a pretty common name. i moved up the alphabet (from an “S” last name to an “E” last name) which was awesome bc I always hated being at the end of roll call in school… Darling Husband and I had been together for 8 yrs when we got married so I was looking forward to changing my name for a long time..
I don’t feel I lost any identity or anything like that. I chose to just drop my maiden name since my middle names had much more signifance and meaning for me (my middle names are passed down from my grandmother, great grandmother, and great-great grandmother)…
Post # 12
Emotionally it was very difficult for e to contemplate changing my name — I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about it, but once I was faced with the reality of having to decide what to do, I knew that I didn’t want to. I’ve been married for 4 years now, have a child, and don’t regret not changing my name at all. It is seriously not even an issue. No one thinks it’s weird (except my old-fashioned family members, but that’s to be expected!).
That’s not to say you have to do what I did at all; all I mean is go with your gut and don’t think there’s just one thing that you “should” do. It’s YOUR name, ultimately, so you get to decide to do what you want with it — for whatever reason you want.
Post # 13
I am struggling with this right now. I got married a month ago but everytime I start thinking about changing my name I get really, really, really sad. It’s would mean a lot to my husband if I changed my name, but I love my name. My name is very unique, while my husbands last name is extremely common. I like being 1 of 2 people with my name instead of 2000.
I’m not sure what I am going to do. I always thought I would be one of those girls who went the traditional route and took my husbands last name, but maybe it’s not for me. I am not a huge fan of hyphenated last names so I will probably won’t do that. For now, I’ve settled on putting my first name and married last name on my Facebook to test it out and see if I can get used to it, if not, it’s not permanant.
Post # 14
BowTiedKangaroo: This is what I am planning on doing too…but my question is on like, medical papers and things, what middle name do you use? On formal papers like voters reg. and stuff there is rarely enough room for 1 let alone 2. Which one is your “actual” middle name (even though I know legally you have 2..)
Post # 15
I’m looking forward to changing my last name! My birth last name is somewhat long, uncommon and ALWAYS mispronounced. I HATE it. It’s also my bio fathers last name and I don’t care for him either.
The last name I’ll be marrying into is short, common and almost impossible to mispronounce. I can’t wait to change over to his last name!