(Closed) How easy (emotionally) was it for you to change your last name?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Hostess
8575 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

BowTiedKangaroo:  texaslemon:  

I just wanted to jump in and say that I was named with 2 middle names. It is rare that both middle names are used so I normally only use the first middle name. Lots of paperwork doesn’t include a second line for a second middle name!

Post # 17
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Coastal Maine inn

texaslemon:  I think I’ll probably just write both in on the one line. My first name is long (I go by a nickname), and doesn’t fit on standardized forms like voter registration and standardized testing, and I was always told to just fill in what fits 🙂 

Post # 18
Member
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It was super easy for me. It’s something that I always knew I would do. My maiden name is very long and hard to pronounce so I was looking forward to changing it. I don’t feel like I’ve lost or am losing my identity.. I’m still me, just with a husband who I share a last name with.

Post # 19
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

koi424:  So interesting! I agree with you. I actually went from a common first name/super common last name to an uncommon new last name. I feel like I lost of some of the anonymity that comes with a common name…. like it was harder for people to find me on Facebook and I was not obvious in google searches and my name wasn’t memorable. I also never had to spell my name or pronounce it for anyone because it’s obvious. I’m also a fairly quiet person.

 

It was/is hard changing my name…. because I look at my new name and don’t always recognize it as me. I know that will change, but it has hard. However… my husband is now my new core family and I want to have the same last name as he does.

<div> </div>
<div>Like I mentioned, my maiden name is very common. My brother is married, but even said that he wouldn’t mind changing his last name to his wife’s name since her name is very unique. I don’t think it matters what the new married name is, but it is nice to have the same last name as your husband…. in my opinion.</div>

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  cheliams.
Post # 20
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee

Megbee617:  I am still struggling with this. For a number of reasons I am changing my name but I’m not looking forward to it or excited about it. In fact I’m a bit sad about the whole thing

Post # 21
Member
6403 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

This is an old-fashioned view, but I took my DH’s last name because we knew we wanted children and I didn’t want to have a different last name than my children. Older generations (my mum included) often assume things that are not the case when learning parents ahd children have different last names, and I didn’t want assumptions made.

That said, my dad wasn’t particularly attached to his own last name (a 12 letter German name), and suggested that he and my mum take HER last name (a 4 letter English name) when they married. Had I been professionally established at the time, I likely would have kept my last name. But in the end I changed it just because it is easier for all family members to share a name, IMO.

Post # 22
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

aww…you’re question is so timely for me as I just changed my name (with Social Security and DMV) today! I’m feeling a bit emotional about it, and I am not used to signing my new name. My maiden name was somewhat unique and Italian sounding and my new one is more common and Irish (I love Irish last names!). I was so excited to change it but now I’m feeling a bit sad. I know I’ll get used to it, and my new husband (longtime SO) is very excited about it.

I did decide, however, to keep my old name professionally, as I am a freelancer and with what I do, my name is basically my brand. It would be confusing and cause me to lose business (by people not being able to find me) if I changed it professionally. 

I’ll share one thing…my aunt did not change her name when she got married, and when she got into a car accident and was in a coma, the hospital would not let her husband see her because they did not believe him to be her husband (since they did not have the same last name). He insisted but they said they had no way of knowing. He had to go home and bring their marriage certificate in. I’m not sharing this because I feel women should change their last name if they don’t want to (it’s a personal choice and people should do what they want), but this is an example of how life’s complications can be made a bit easier if you do share a last name with your husband (for those on the fence). 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by Profile Photo rusticchic212.
Post # 23
Member
2215 posts
Buzzing bee

Megbee617: I don’t have a middle name so it was a really easy decision for me. When the time comes I’ll put my maiden name as my middle name like women such as Sandra Day O’Connor did.

I think it’s traditional in the Southern US to drop the middle and take the maiden name, especially if you wanted to retain that as part of your professional name. In my BF’s family many of the women have dropped the middle name for their maiden name after getting married. In my family, it seems that women changed their maiden–>married last names until my mother chose to hyphenate her name. It works for her and she hasn’t had any issues with it. 

One of the things that found out and considered with regards to this topic is that my college diploma is in my maiden name and the university has a policy of not issuing a change of the name on the diploma unless the graduate has also changed his/her legal gender. Different universities have different policies (some will change the name and some won’t change the name at all).

Learning that information about my university diploma solidified my decision to retain my maiden name as more than just “Middle Name #2” when I do end up getting married. I was thinking of taking on a middle name and decided not to. I know many people might feel like the diploma thing is no big deal, but, as someone whose family very unexpectedly had to immigrate to the US, it’s important for me to have as little trouble proving my identity as possible, wherever I end up. Now I’d say I’m lucky I don’t have a middle name to worry about–I can just keep all of my names without worrying one will ever be left out.

Post # 24
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

jenilynevette:  My parent’s gave me two middle names as well! It’s been such a pain haha

Post # 25
Member
3065 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Megbee617:  I feel the same way. From the get go we both agreed that I would take his name ( I was A-ok with it, he feels strongly about it- growing up I always figured I would take my DHs last name) and for WHATEVER reason now that the wedding has come and gone ( earlier this month) I am kind of dreading it!!!

I def feel like it will never be my actual last name…I dont know if its part of all the emotions of getting married ( which also took me by surprise, Im happy but also kind of ‘sad’? Is that weird)?

People call me “Mrs. NewLastName” and my first reaction is dont call me that lol! I def feel that when kids come we should all have the same last name , I am just floored at how I feel about it post wedding..totally caught me off gaurd

Right now Im putting it off…lol

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
Post # 26
Member
2967 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i had always said i would keep my maiden name, because it was so uncommon and different, but i ended up changing it (i still wonder what was going thru my head when i decided to do that, haha). it took me a while to change it tho. i changed it through social security 4 months after my wedding, but i didn’t change it on anything else until this past summer (2 years after we got married). it definitely took some getting used to and i still use my maiden name sometimes in a social setting. 

Post # 27
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

Megbee617:  Very easy decision. Every woman in my family has taken their husband’s name and I never questioned it for a moment. It was important to my husband and I had no legitimate reason not to take his name.

Post # 28
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Megbee617:  I was soooo excited at first to change my last name, my current last name is hard to spell and confuses a lot of people, whereas my new last name is a more common ‘Smith’ or ‘Jones’ like last name. I’m just excited to be able to tell people and not have to repeat myself 2 or 3 times and spell it out… people will just get it.

As the time comes closer, I am a little sad to part with it. I don’t feel like I’m losing myself, but it has been a part of me for so long. I thought about keeping it, but I want our kids to have my Fiance last name, and I want to have the same name as everyone in my family, and hyphenating is too long.

I’m keeping my maiden name for a while for professional reasons. I’ve created a reputation for myself in my career with my maiden name, so I don’t want to change it until I become a bit more established, but I will be assuming my FIs name right away.

Post # 29
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Megbee617:  we got married in June and i still haven’t legally changed my name because i just don’t think i should have to. it’s very important to Darling Husband, so i WILL do it… but i’m just putting it off. I’m going to drop my middle name and take my maiden name as my middle name… But i still feel a big loss of identity for some reason. :/

Post # 30
Member
6991 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Megbee617:  I had no problem changing my name. I admit it did take me 6 months, not because I was holding onto my name but becuase I got busy and it’s sort of a hassle. I have always looked forward to changing my name because to me it’s like the final piece of the puzzle for being married. That being said, my business name is my maiden name, so I am always socially known by my maiden name.

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