(Closed) How exactly do you …

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

As a waiter myself, I reccomend just waiting it out til the wedding night! Your sex will not be like the movies but it will be a beautiful learning process that you both take slow and grow something wonderful with. There is no good or bad !

However, one thing I do reccomend is for you to get to know your own body. Take a mirror and take a good look if you are not sure about all the parts and sensitive spots of the vagina and also your breasts. I’m not sure if you have ever achieved orgasim yourself, but if you comfortable perhaps you will want to try. There are books available, and diargrams, reccomendations on the internet if that is the direction you think you need to go.

There are videos like the Karma sutra , but nothing can teach you about sex but experience. Seeing it and doing it our kind of different. Hopefully between sex ed and your own studies, you know how the basics work ( penis into vagina etc etc).

Use lots of fourplay to get yourself excitied and him as well. Use lube if you feel dry and just try to enjoy yourself. Take it slow, Get to know each others bodies likes and dislikes. do what is comfortable!

Best of luck! Please don’t feel pressure to be a certain thing or have to do certian things! It will come natural, I promise πŸ™‚

Post # 4
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think it is kind of natural, none of us know how to do it the first time, but when you are at it, you actually know… hehehe.

My word of advise would be “relax and enjoy”

Post # 5
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

 Other than porn (which, depending on your comfort level, can give you an unrealistic view of sex)

I’d suggest just making out like crazy & seeing where it gets you πŸ˜‰ I think it all (the basics anyway) just comes natural. After you’ve gotten the initial action out of the way, then you can bump up the skill level with the help of some porn (not sure we’re allowed to link here, but I know of a great free sight with interesting instructional videos …not demeaning or anything, very respectful). 


Good luck!



Post # 6
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If you’ve waited this long, please wait till the wedding! I’m a waiter now too but not a virgin so I don’t have any worries about the wedding night but my advise is just have fun and try and just feel beautiful and sexy because your husband will totally think that. I agree with the above comment about just making out like crazy and then the rest will come naturally. Yeah it probably will hurt the first couple times  but you have your whole lives to learn what you both like. And since he is a virgin too there is no pressure to know what your doing, your in this together!

Post # 7
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Think of it as intimacy rather then sex and that will make it a lot easier. Dont over think it, the best thing about your situation is that neither of you have done it before, so you have nothing to compare it to. Relax and have fun. Just because its your wedding nite doesnt mean you “have” to do it…. you have a lifetime to please each other!!!

Post # 8
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

There’s no handbook. Everyone has a first time, whether it is before or after the wedding. You guys will naturally figure out what you both like, and it will be a really great experience learning all of these things together.

Post # 9
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You have waited this long continue to wait. I waited until my wedding night and MY GOD WAS IT A BLESSING. My husband was so awesome with me. IF he is the man that God has sent to you then you have nothing to worry about. I was a tad bit afraid too because it was my first time too, but he was exceptional. He was loving, patient, kind, and we both figured out everything together. You two will figure it out and remember to listen to one another.

It will be ok, we enjoyed our first time… it wasn’t painful like I have heard, it was great and he was wonderful. Just pray and take your time its a wonderful learning experience you have the rest of your lives…. take it easy!

Post # 10
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

It’s natural and you will figure it out I promise. And while wonderful it might not be that good at first but I promise it gets better with practive which you will have plenty of time for on the honeymoon.

You know what sex is and what goes where, other than that it’s all trial and error. I wouldn’t recommend doing it before your wedding night especially if you waited all this time. You want to be a night you remember and what better night than your wedding.

Post # 11
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Well, your first time (and possibly the next few times after that) is going to be awkward, possibly painful, and just kinda weird. Especially if you haven’t had any other types of intimacy with one another. It’s up to you if you want to do it now or wait – my Fiance and I lost our virginities to one another a year and a half into our relationship, which I’ll never regret because at this point we have an incredible intimate connection. But waiting until you’re married is also great. It’s up to how comfortable you are and what you want.

I echo the sentiment of getting to know your body first. There are tons of websites out there on women’s sexual health which can be highly helpful (vaginapagina.com is one of the best). And just explore with one another. Make out and just touch each other without trying to go further. There’s no one way to ‘do it’, and you’re going to have some awkward, funny experiences before you know what you’re doing and get a hold of it. Just remember to laugh and don’t get frustrated if things aren’t amazing the first few times.

Post # 12
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

When in doubt, I always recommend the other “bible”: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/

Yes, Cosmo sometimes silly suggestions, but online, there’s a variety of articles/advice/FAQs about sex and intimacy.  They are pretty descriptive, so it can be a fairly good manual.  And they tend to recycle articles about once a year, so you don’t have to dig into the archives to find the golden ticket.  

Ditto PP about self-exploration… I found that once I was comfortable with what made me tick, it was alot easier for someone else to make me tick. πŸ™‚


Post # 13
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

Darling Husband and I were waiters too πŸ™‚

We kissed and such before the wedding, so the wedding night itself was just an extension of that and not really awkward.

A couple suggestions – be familiar with yourself – know what you like, what feels good – both for you and to help him out. Men are microwaves, women are ovens…..you don’t have to be an expert to figure out a man, but a woman takes a little more expertise πŸ˜‰

Use lube πŸ™‚

And take it slow and enjoy it! You don’t have to make it perfect or fantastic – just make it what you and your Fiance want it to be:)

Post # 14
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I second the vote for looking at what Cosmopolitan has online. I found it to informational without being vulgar. Another website I found helpful was About.com’s sexuality section. It has some “how to” type articles and some basic information.

There’s also a book I’ve been reading called “Getting your sex life off to a great start.” It’s an excellent book that couples can read together, or you can read on your own. It gives anatomy lessons for both genders, has chapters that help you explore your ideas about sex, and also talks about what to expect the first time. they also give some pretty explicit information about how to prepare for your first time having sex (mentally and physically), and they have a chapter on how to plan for the honeymoon. The authors are Christians, and they do talk about sex through that worldview, but they aren’t preachy. I have learned a lot from the book and am really glad a friend recommended it to me!

Post # 16
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I suggest staying a “waiter” it’s worth it!

And RELAX… truth is whether you try and familiarize yourself now or wait when you do it you’ll do it. As my pastor once said “You put two naked virgins in a room and it’s not like they’re just gonna stand there and look at each other” lol

The foundation of good sex is COMMUNICATION! Darling Husband was a virgin, I wasn’t, and I can say that because of our trust, non-sexual intimacy, and communication he’s been my best since the first time.

We recently found this guy, Jason Julius, that has done a wonderful job of explaining female orgasm and has a pretty decent blog. He has a whole video set that Darling Husband and I want to get just to learn more.. since we’re going to be doing each other for a long time we’d like to learn all we can to keep things fresh tehe. I saw a clip of one of them, including a demo, and can say it’s done VERY tastefully… only with life like models NOT PEOPLE so it’s NOT porn.

Here’s his blog and his site where he talks more about his videos

WARNING: his “site” goes straight into a video talking about “orgasms” so I wouldn’t watch it with family around and just be prepared… it IS all about sex & intimacy. You can put in your email to verify your age and see the demo video… it’s a “safe” site as Darling Husband and I have already seen it.

As I just saw on his blog… the “#1 enemy of Female Orgasm is STRESS!!!!!” so just relax and know that you and your husband will get to start a WONDERFUL journey of learning to please each other. πŸ˜‰

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